DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my husband got drunk and physically attacked me in front of his family. It was horrible. I was in shock, and our relationship never recovered.

The next four years were a series of court visits for custody of our child and eventually a divorce. Last year, his mother began requesting visits with our son. I was happy about it because I have tried to be accommodating to my ex and his family regarding our son.

Finally, late last year, I called my ex to ask if we could sit down and discuss our son (something we had never done). We have met twice during the last two weeks, and each time had long conversations about everything. (Our son, our past, our relationship.) Many misconceptions were cleared up, and it's obvious that we both have made many necessary changes within ourselves.

Now I'm confused about what comes next. Speaking with him has brought back so many feelings. Prior to the attack, our stress levels had been high and our communication was terrible, but there had been no physical violence. I'm not sure if this is the universe giving us an opportunity to give the family we started another chance. Should we start over? -- WAVERING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAVERING: What comes next might be that you and your ex can become good friends and parent your son in a congenial, cooperative fashion. What comes next might be that you rekindle your romance. Or it might be that you get back together and he assaults you again.

If your ex has sought help for his drinking and anger management issues, a reconciliation could work out beautifully. However, if he hasn't, I certainly wouldn't recommend it. Sometimes people can care deeply about each other, but shouldn't be married.

DEAR ABBY: My 95-year-old mom feels that her age "entitles" her to speak without a filter, and she has become totally intolerant and critical. She is mentally sharp and highly intelligent, which makes her nasty comments even more hurtful to family and friends.

Standing up to her isn't an option because of her age and she knows it. She doesn't seem to recognize how damaging her attitude has become to those who love her. If you could print this and offer some advice, she might recognize herself. -- A LOVING SON

DEAR LOVING SON: The fact that someone has celebrated 95 birthdays does not give the person license to be deliberately unkind to others. Negativity is an unattractive trait, regardless of how old you are. People who deliberately say hurtful things invariably find the circle of those who want to be around them shrinking.

My advice to your mother would be, before opening her mouth, ask herself whether what she has to say is true, helpful and kind. And if it isn't all three, she should rephrase her comment or not say it at all.

DEAR ABBY: What does one say to casual acquaintances who stop by uninvited and with no prior phone call? -- NANCY IN AURORA, COLO.

DEAR NANCY: Let me tell you first what one doesn't say. It's "Come in!" It is perfectly acceptable to explain that the person caught you in the middle of your housework or a project you need to finish and, please, in the future to call before dropping by so you can make some plans together.

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged several years ago, but the engagement didn't last. We broke up and I gave him back his ring. We remain close friends, however, and hang out at least once a week.

I have been dating another guy for a couple of years, and we're thinking about getting engaged. I am wondering if it would be improper to ask my ex if we could buy my old ring from him. It was -- and still is -- my "dream ring," and I know my ex has kept it in the glove box of his car ever since I gave it back to him.

I don't want to commit a faux pas, but it seems silly to buy another identical ring. What do you think? -- HEADED DOWN THE AISLE

DEAR HEADED DOWN THE AISLE: If you haven't discussed this with your current boyfriend, you should. It might bother him to see you wearing an engagement ring that was given to you by someone else. If he says it's OK, I can't see why you shouldn't ask your former fiance if he'd be willing to part with it. Frankly, he might be glad to get the money.

DEAR ABBY: I have a love problem I could use your help with. I go to college, and I met an amazing girl, "Lorena," here. She's very religious, which I like about her. We have been talking, but I'm afraid to ask her out. I don't have the best morals, and I'm afraid I would corrupt her if we did go out. I don't want to make her into something she isn't.

Should I let her be who she is, or take the risk of dating her and hope she'll be happy? When I think about Lorena, I realize I'd do anything for her -- even change my life. Please tell me what to do. -- WILD MAN IN KENT, OHIO

DEAR WILD MAN: Feeling as you do about Lorena, I think you should take the risk and ask her out. Because you would do "anything" for her, make it your top priority not to push her into anything you know wouldn't be good for her. You wouldn't be the first "wild man" to meet someone who made him want to be a better man. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 50s. My sister, who is also in her 50s, lives with me and has for several years. Could you please settle a dispute we are having?

She says that mail is private and when I bring my mail in from the mailbox, I should leave hers in the box. I say it is just common courtesy to bring all of it in at once and place it in a predetermined spot for the recipient. I am not saying that mail is not private, because it is. And I would never dream of opening anyone's mail, but don't you have to look at the envelope to know which person it belongs to?

So what do you think? Should it be left in the box or should I bring it all in? -- STUMPED SISTER IN HOUSTON

DEAR SISTER: I think what you have been doing is both wise and prudent. Unless the mailbox has a lock on it, I would recommend bringing all the mail into the house as soon as possible after it's delivered to prevent theft. However, because your sister is sensitive about it and asked that you leave it in the box for her to retrieve, you should do as she has requested.

DEAR ABBY: My teenaged daughter will be giving birth soon, and she has decided to place her baby for adoption. I have told her that whatever she decides, I will support her decision.

Here is the difficult part: This will still be my biological grandchild. When this beautiful child is lovingly handed over to the adoptive parents, I will be losing a grandchild. I am already in mourning.

Are there other grandparents out there who are going -- or have gone -- through this, and how are they coping? I already see a therapist, but I would still like to know how others are coping. -- UN-GRANDPARENT IN OHIO

DEAR UN-GRANDPARENT: I wish you had told me more about the kind of adoption your daughter has chosen for her baby. If it is an open adoption in which she will be kept informed about the child's milestones and progress, ask the adoptive couple if they would welcome you as an "extra" grandparent for the child. If I hear from others who have gone through this process, I will let you know, because I'm sure they will write to help you through your heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married to the man of my dreams next month. "Jon" and I love each other and are excited to celebrate our life as husband and wife together with our families and friends.

I have a 6-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, and after talking to her, she told me she would like to walk me down the aisle instead of being our flower girl. I love the idea, and so does Jon.

I will have to talk to my dad about it, because I know he was looking forward to it although we do not have a close relationship. I have lived on my own since I was 17. How do I communicate to him in an appropriate way that my daughter, who has been my family for the past six years, will walk me down the aisle and not him? -- CONFUSED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR CONFUSED: Because you aren't close to your father, this may not come as a shock to him. However, if he was asked to walk you down the aisle, he may be very hurt and it could cause a rift.

Be as diplomatic as possible when you break the news. Start by saying, "I was talking about the wedding with little 'Jennifer,' and she came up with an idea Jon and I think is adorable. Instead of being our flower girl, she wants to walk me down the aisle. We feel it would bring our little family even closer together. I hope you don't mind...."

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a low-paying job and I am trying to see that he gets a better one, but each step I take he regards as pestering him. This has driven us apart from each other. It really hurts me because we are now like strangers living together. What do I do? -- SAD WIFE IN ABUJA, NIGERIA

DEAR SAD WIFE: Change tactics. What you consider helpful encouragement may be regarded by your husband as constant nagging about a sore subject. Tell him you love him, didn't mean to pressure him -- and if you see some ads seeking men with his skills that offer a higher salary, let him know about them. That's what I would do.