life

Knuckle-Cracking Habit Brings Calm and Craziness to Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My future son-in-law recently moved in with us for financial reasons. He's 27 and a nice guy, but he's a habitual knuckle-cracker. He cracks every finger of each hand twice (back and forth) every half-hour or so. He also cracks his neck and wrists, but less frequently. As an added bonus, my daughter is also beginning to crack her knuckles now.

I am sensitive to noise (loud chewing, gum cracking), but I don't want to cause him more stress (he's also a nail-biter), so I keep my mouth shut. It's driving me crazy! What do you suggest? -- PATTY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PATTY: Knuckle-cracking, like nail-biting, is a nervous habit that has been known to defuse anxiety. While it may be crazy-making to listen to, unless it's a symptom of an underlying nervous disorder, the practice is relatively harmless. (In some people, it has caused swelling of the joints or swelling of the hands, so mention that to your daughter.)

Because you are sensitive to noises -- which your daughter should already know -- talk to her and her fiance and ask that when the impulse strikes, they walk out of earshot. Because they are living under your roof, they should respect your request.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Dream Of Motherhood Has Yet To Be Fulfilled

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I married my husband more than a year ago, and I want a child more than anything in the world. We have been trying since our wedding, but every month I get depressed when I find out I'm not pregnant.

Everyone says I shouldn't think about it, and I try not to. But I am becoming more and more depressed with each month that passes. Do you have any advice for dealing with these feelings? Or something I can occupy my time with rather than obsessing? (It sure isn't helping the situation!) -- ANXIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANXIOUS: What everyone is telling you is far less important than what your OB/GYN has to say about your situation. Because you have been married for a year without being able to conceive, both you and your husband should be talking to doctors. You may have a correctable condition that prevents you from becoming pregnant, or he may have a low sperm count. Distraction isn't what you need right now; what you need are answers.

Health & SafetyMental Health
life

Secrets Of Success Should Stay Secret

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 24th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a small home-based business making baking extracts that I sell at our local farmers' market. Occasionally, a patron will look over my stock and ask me how I make them. I am unsure how to answer the question in a way that won't have a negative impact on future sales.

Baking extracts are not difficult to make, but the process is time-consuming and the ingredients are expensive. I don't want to give away the details of my production process, yet I don't know how to say so without seeming rude. Any ideas? -- PERPLEXED IN THE EAST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Smile at the questioner and reply, "That would be giving away trade secrets -- but I can share one of them: I make them all with love."

Etiquette & EthicsMoney
life

Girl Suspects Her Grandpa Has Become a Dirty Old Man

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 23rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl, and my grandpa is 75. I love him very much, but I have noticed lately that he stares at women's breasts when they are jogging, and he smiles when a gust of wind blows a girl's skirt up. This embarrasses me, and I am embarrassed for him. He must have realized it by now.

Is my grandpa a creepy, dirty old man? I hope it's not true. Please answer this in the newspaper because I don't want my family to see it. -- CARRIE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CARRIE: I'm sorry, but the fact that your grandfather would be so unsubtle as to act this way when you're with him is creepy, and I'm sure it is embarrassing. Tell your parents about it so your mother or father can tell him to tone down his "enthusiasm." And if it doesn't happen, spend less time with Grandpa.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Man Makes A Case For Joining Family Cruise

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 23rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Caitlyn," and I are in our 40s and have been living together for a year. My family has invited us to go on a cruise for New Year's, all expenses paid. Because Caitlyn can't get time off from her job at the hospital, she doesn't want me to go, either.

Also, in the fall I will be traveling to Europe with my dad to visit relatives. (He's 80.) These trips don't happen all the time; it's an unusual year.

Should I refuse the cruise and miss out on being with my extended family to stay home with her while she works? I think Caitlyn's being selfish to expect me to. We spend all our free time together. We have been to Las Vegas and on a cruise recently. Please advise. -- HELD BACK IN OHIO

DEAR HELD BACK: You and Caitlyn are adults in your 40s. At that age, Caitlyn should be independent enough to tell you to go and have a good time with your family. And you should be mature enough to discuss this with her without involving me.

Family & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Sisters Squabble Over Flat Tire

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 23rd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My sister loaned me her car when she went out of town so I could drop her at the airport and pick her up. (I don't have a car of my own, but share one with my husband.) While I was driving her car, one of the tires blew. She says I should pay for the replacement tire because I was driving the car on an errand that was unrelated to picking her up when the tire blew. I disagree. Who is right? -- JENNIFER IN FLORIDA

DEAR JENNIFER: If the agreement between you and your sister was that her car was to be used only to take her to the airport and pick her up, then you owe her a new tire. However, if her tires were so worn that they could cause an accident, then she should replace her own tire -- and the other three as well.

Money
life

Family Fears for Teen Falling Under Boyfriend's Influence

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 22nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My son's wife passed away very recently. He works days, so I have been helping him by looking after his 15-year-old daughter, "Leyla."

Leyla recently told her father that her boyfriend, "Dylan," has asked her to vandalize things -- TV, Blu-ray player, etc. -- if her daddy enrolls her in a private school or moves her to another school closer to his company for a better education. Leyla's grades aren't good, and she spends most of her time chatting or texting with Dylan.

Abby, I'm really worried. The last thing Dylan asked her to do was kill her daddy because "he controls her too much." Before school ended, Dylan skipped a field trip. He didn't want Leyla to participate either because he feared that without him, she might have a chance to make friends with others, so she didn't turn in her paperwork and stayed home.

We plan to send her to a psychologist in the coming weeks. Should we bring this problem to the attention of her school principal? Thank you for your help. -- WORRIED SICK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: I'm glad your granddaughter will soon see a therapist. I'm sure they'll have a lot to talk about.

Because Leyla is in constant communication with Dylan, take her cellphone away and monitor her activity on the computer. That he would ask her to damage property or cause physical harm to another person is something that should be immediately reported not only to the school principal, but also to his parents and the police. This young man could be dangerous to the adults in your family, as well as to your granddaughter unless there is an intervention now.

DeathFamily & ParentingMental HealthTeens
life

Stay-At-Home Mom Needs To Get Out

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 22nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been feeling super alone lately. I'm a full-time, stay-at-home mom. My fiance and I have an 11-month-old son. Before he was born, I worked and my fiance didn't. Then we moved away from my family to where his family is -- a town of about 400 people -- and he works while I stay home with the baby.

This is a small town, and I have no friends here. I have been feeling extremely stir-crazy and trapped in my head. I don't know how to handle it. I spoke to a psychiatrist. She said it'll pass, but it hasn't.

Please, if you have any advice, I need some badly. -- STUCK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUCK: In many small Southern towns, the social life revolves around the church. If you and your fiance haven't joined one, you should consider it. If you do, your chances of making friends -- possibly with some other young couples -- will be improved. Also consider volunteering or going to a nearby larger town to look for activities. I hope this will help to relieve your sense of isolation.

Friends & NeighborsMental Health

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