life

Family Fears for Teen Falling Under Boyfriend's Influence

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 22nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My son's wife passed away very recently. He works days, so I have been helping him by looking after his 15-year-old daughter, "Leyla."

Leyla recently told her father that her boyfriend, "Dylan," has asked her to vandalize things -- TV, Blu-ray player, etc. -- if her daddy enrolls her in a private school or moves her to another school closer to his company for a better education. Leyla's grades aren't good, and she spends most of her time chatting or texting with Dylan.

Abby, I'm really worried. The last thing Dylan asked her to do was kill her daddy because "he controls her too much." Before school ended, Dylan skipped a field trip. He didn't want Leyla to participate either because he feared that without him, she might have a chance to make friends with others, so she didn't turn in her paperwork and stayed home.

We plan to send her to a psychologist in the coming weeks. Should we bring this problem to the attention of her school principal? Thank you for your help. -- WORRIED SICK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: I'm glad your granddaughter will soon see a therapist. I'm sure they'll have a lot to talk about.

Because Leyla is in constant communication with Dylan, take her cellphone away and monitor her activity on the computer. That he would ask her to damage property or cause physical harm to another person is something that should be immediately reported not only to the school principal, but also to his parents and the police. This young man could be dangerous to the adults in your family, as well as to your granddaughter unless there is an intervention now.

DeathFamily & ParentingMental HealthTeens
life

Stay-At-Home Mom Needs To Get Out

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 22nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been feeling super alone lately. I'm a full-time, stay-at-home mom. My fiance and I have an 11-month-old son. Before he was born, I worked and my fiance didn't. Then we moved away from my family to where his family is -- a town of about 400 people -- and he works while I stay home with the baby.

This is a small town, and I have no friends here. I have been feeling extremely stir-crazy and trapped in my head. I don't know how to handle it. I spoke to a psychiatrist. She said it'll pass, but it hasn't.

Please, if you have any advice, I need some badly. -- STUCK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUCK: In many small Southern towns, the social life revolves around the church. If you and your fiance haven't joined one, you should consider it. If you do, your chances of making friends -- possibly with some other young couples -- will be improved. Also consider volunteering or going to a nearby larger town to look for activities. I hope this will help to relieve your sense of isolation.

Friends & NeighborsMental Health
life

Cousin's Tag-Along Kids Push the Limit of Bride's Guest List

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 21st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am being married later this year, and I'm planning my guest list. My cousin "Emily" has five young children who I'm making an exception to invite. She lives across the country, so she's starting to book her plane reservations.

Emily just announced that she's being remarried and her fiance has three children he shares joint custody of. Am I obligated to invite three children I have never met? This is causing a lot of grief between me and my fiance because Emily assumes that they are all welcome. Please advise. -- D.C. IN NYC

DEAR D.C.: Call Cousin Emily. Explain that your guest list is limited and that her five children -- to whom you are related -- are the exceptions. No other children have been invited to the wedding, and you would prefer to get to know her fiance's children under less stressful circumstances.

Emily's wrong to assume she can include anyone whose name wasn't on her wedding invitation. The children can stay with their mother or grandparents during the time their father will be away.

Marriage & DivorceEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Leftovers Leave Their Mark On Plastic Bowls

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 21st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband prefers leftovers to sandwiches for his work lunch. He generally takes them in reusable plastic bowls that claim to be dishwasher and microwave safe.

After a short time, these bowls become terribly stained. Not only are they unsightly, but sometimes they harbor odors. Even though they have been thoroughly washed, they seem unclean. We have noticed this happens more often with tomato-based food like spaghetti or barbecue.

I have tried soaking the bowls overnight in dishwashing detergent and even using a small amount of bleach, but the stains remain. Is there a way to remove the stains and odors, or must I continue to buy new bowls and throw the stained ones out? -- BOWLED OVER IN ALABAMA

DEAR BOWLED OVER: According to "Haley's Hints," by Graham and Rosemary Haley (New American Library), if you soak the bowls and lids in cold water for five minutes or more before putting the leftovers into them, you can prevent the staining from happening. And the odors can be removed by placing crumpled newspaper inside them and putting the tops on before storing them. (This is also an effective way to deodorize shoes.)

Health & Safety
life

Grandma Should Open Her Arms And Heart To New Grandson

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 21st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter just got remarried to a man who has a 10-year-old son. I don't know the boy at all. What is the appropriate name he should call me? My daughter already has two boys from her first marriage and they, of course, call me Grandma. I don't feel comfortable having her new stepson call me Grandma. Any suggestions? -- NAMELESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NAMELESS: Is your heart really so closed that you would tell that boy he isn't welcome in it? I urge you to be more accepting of this child, or you may get a name that isn't fit for a family newspaper -- and not only will the boy be using it, but also his father.

Family & Parenting
life

Husband Who Relives His Past Should Focus on His Present

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 20th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to the love of my life. I can't imagine loving a man more than I love "Wayne," and I know he feels the same about me. The problem is, he's always telling stories about things he has done, including past relationships, in graphic detail.

I have heard all of them repeatedly, and I'm sick of them. When I tell him this he says, "Fine! I won't talk to you anymore." Wayne never talks about our past, present or future. How can I get him to stop reliving "the good ol' days" and start focusing on our life together? -- CURRENT EVENT IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CURRENT EVENT: Wayne may react defensively when you say you're "sick" of his stories because he feels you are criticizing him. Perhaps if you told him that hearing him dwell on past relationships is hurtful, he might be willing to enlarge his repertoire.

If that doesn't help, it's possible your husband feels his best years are behind him. Past conquests and adventures can be more fun to dwell on than the new lawnmower, the plumbing that needs replacement, which friends are sick and the most recent one who died. Things might improve if you work together to create activities that will spice up your lives and give him some new material. Try it. It might benefit you both.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Freeloader Won't Make Good On Threat To Leave

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 20th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Bob" for 12 years. He doesn't work and doesn't take care of our children because he says it's "not his responsibility." I have supported him all this time, yet nothing is good enough.

He has cheated on me several times. During his third affair, he had two kids with the other woman. He doesn't understand why I don't trust him and why I insist on seeing his cellphone. The last time I was able to get ahold of it, he broke down the bathroom door trying to get it back.

He threatens to move out, and if he does, that will be "the last I hear from him." I would be relieved if he went. I have so much anger toward him. I love him, but at this point love doesn't have anything to do with it.

I have asked him several times to leave, but he just keeps saying he'll be leaving on his own terms. I can't continue like this anymore. He brings out the worst in me and I hate it. What do I do? -- HAD IT IN PHOENIX

DEAR HAD IT: That you have tolerated this behavior for 12 years boggles my mind. Because this philandering freeloader has resided with you for so long, you may have to go through formal eviction proceedings to get rid of him. You have given him a free ride, and you may need the services of a lawyer to pry him out of there. If you do, consider it money well spent.

Love & Dating
life

Man Keeps Sweetheart's Photo For 50 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 20th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: If a spouse keeps photos of a college sweetheart after 50 years, what does it mean? Does it mean he is still carrying a torch for that person and doesn't want to forget her? -- SUSPICIOUS IN HOUSTON

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I doubt it, but if you want to be sure, the person you should ask is your husband. After 50 years, the "torch" may be too heavy to carry -- or completely out.

Marriage & Divorce

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Piccolina
  • Two Degrees
  • Lulu
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Transitioned Sister Poses as Widow
  • Overseas Solo Travel Plans Worry Parents
  • LW Questions Correcting Friend's Malaprops
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal