DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Self-Conscious in Georgia" (May 15), a young man who is insecure about the scar from his heart surgery. I have had three surgeries for congenital defects, my first at 2 years old. Because many women's fashions expose the upper chest, I applied anti-scar products, which greatly reduced the size and color of my scars.

Swimwear lines have sun-blocking swim shirts that are quick-drying and comfortable. At the beach, "Self-Conscious" could wear a beach-themed T-shirt and say he is reducing his sun exposure, which is a good idea these days.

As to anyone protesting his not going shirtless, true friends accept your choices, no matter the circumstances. They won't call you out for not following the herd.

And another thing: The young man might benefit from a cardiac support group to lessen his feelings of isolation or inadequacy. He suffered trauma that led to and created that scar. Now he deserves to be happy on his own terms. -- WAS THERE ONCE AND I'M STILL HERE

DEAR STILL HERE: Thank you for your comments. Readers were quick to offer messages of support to "Self-Conscious":

DEAR ABBY: I am a registered nurse. That scar can be faded by using pure cocoa butter (in stick form, not lotion). It can be purchased at the pharmacy.

I would also like to let him know that in this part of the country, survivors are known as members of the "Zipper Club." When I see patients with this scar, I know they have had open heart surgery. It alerts me to a whole realm of information before anything is said and directs how care is given in case of emergency. Please let "Self-Conscious" know his scar is not an eyesore, but a gift of life. -- PROUD R.N. IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: "Self-Conscious" might benefit from getting a tattoo. A recent TV program aired a segment showing women with mastectomies receiving amazing designs to cover or beautify their scars. With a good tattoo artist, these pieces can be life-altering and the artwork stunning. -- JANET IN ANNAPOLIS, MD.

DEAR ABBY: I broke my ankle a few years ago. A wonderful surgeon and a fantastic physical therapist got me walking again, but I was left with several large, raised scars. I put wheat germ oil (full of vitamin E) on them in the morning and evening, and they are barely visible now. -- ONLINE READER IN ISRAEL

DEAR ABBY: For many years I dated a young man with a similar scar, and it was something I found endearing. To me, it was no different than freckles or a birthmark. It was part of what made him unique. We all have our stories and history. His scar is an opening to share his. -- ROSE IN NORTHAMPTON, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: I have a young friend who had open-heart surgery when she was a high school senior. On the night of her prom, she wore a strapless dress with her "red badge of courage" on full display. -- SANDRA IN ROCHESTER, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband is sick or needs to have surgery, he refuses to tell his family and doesn't want me to. This puts me in a very awkward position. I'm damned if I do tell them because he will be upset with me, and damned if I don't because his family won't trust me, and I don't want things that way.

Invariably, when he gets home, he calls his family and tells them all about his surgery, and I'm left looking like I withheld the information, when it's not me at all. I have asked him what if he dies? His family will be upset not only by the tragedy, but also at me for having kept them in the dark.

I'm considering leaving him over this. I don't deserve this from him. And no, he won't see a counselor and I won't do it alone, so do you have any other advice than that? -- IN A DIFFICULT POSITION

DEAR IN A DIFFICULT POSITION: You should not be made to feel that you're stuck in the middle. It would be nice if your husband understood that when he is sick enough to be hospitalized that you might need the emotional support his family could offer. But since it's not going to happen, he should make plain to his family that he prefers to be the bearer of this kind of news, and the reason they aren't hearing it from you is because he wants it that way.

DEAR ABBY: I love my sister and enjoy chatting with her, but our schedules make it difficult to connect. When we do speak, her husband often interjects or starts another conversation with her, as if she isn't on the phone. She also settles spats between her toddlers and other things her husband could manage while we're talking.

When this happens I say, "I can tell you're tied up. Can we talk later when things settle down?" Her reply: "We can talk now. Things are always crazy around here."

As it stands, we speak only a few times a year, and I'd like her undivided attention. I have tried bringing this up a number of times, but she feels life doesn't stand still for anyone.

Is it too much to ask for 30 minutes, three times a year? We live several states apart, so having a face-to-face isn't an option. Any help would be appreciated, because I'm hurt. -- MISSING MY SISTER IN GEORGIA

DEAR MISSING YOUR SISTER: I don't blame you for feeling hurt, because apparently your sister isn't interested in having the kind of contact you would like. It may be that her husband is ultra-controlling -- hence the constant interruptions from him -- or that her household is so disorganized she's in the middle of a whirlwind.

If you haven't already, write her a letter and express your feelings. It's one way of getting your thoughts across without being interrupted. I don't think 30 minutes three times a year is a lot to ask of her. Propose setting a specific time to talk when her kids and husband aren't around. Then cross your fingers and hope she sees the light.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a nurse who has been providing flu vaccinations for customers in a big box store. Most of them regard us health care workers as people who want to keep them healthy. My problem is parents who use me as a threat of punishment for their kids.

I have had parents drag their screaming, crying kids over to me, telling them that if they don't behave they are going to "make me" give them a shot. One woman pulled her daughter by the arm, sat her in the chair and said, "OK, give her a shot!" The little girl's eyes filled with tears and she panicked.

I looked the woman in the eye and told her I didn't appreciate her making her daughter afraid of me. I told the little one that sometimes we have to take medicine that might hurt us or taste bad, but only because we hoped it would make her better. Then I assured her I wasn't giving her a shot. The woman laughed nervously, said she was "just joking" and rushed her child away.

I worked hard to become a nurse and my goal is keeping people healthy. Parents: Please don't use health care workers as punishment. You're not helping us to do our job when you can't do yours. -- NOT THE BAD GUY IN CLINTON, TENN.

DEAR NOT THE BAD GUY: It's unfortunate, but some parents do this not only with health care workers, but also with police officers, and it's an unbelievably stupid practice. To make a child fearful of the professionals they may at some point need is counterproductive and poor parenting. If a child is acting up and being disruptive in a public place, a better solution is to remove him or her from the premises until you have regained control of the situation.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter was killed in an auto accident a couple of months after she graduated from high school with honors. She had planned to go to college and become a nurse.

Right after graduation she went on a senior trip to Mexico. Two days later she called me wanting to come home. She said everyone was drinking, doing drugs, having sex with strangers and she didn't like it. I bought her a plane ticket and she came home the next day. She died two months later.

Eight months went by and I was having a particularly hard time one night. I prayed for a sign from God that she was in heaven and doing well.

The next day, the day before Good Friday, I went to my mailbox. Inside was a postcard from my daughter. She had mailed it from Mexico the day before she returned. It was in mint condition and had been lost in the mail for 10 months.

The card read: "It is beautiful here. I'm OK. I miss you and love you, Mommy. Love, Brandi." I was so happy and relieved! I was able to move on with my life after that. I signed up for college a few weeks later and earned my degree four years later.

Thank you, Abby, for letting me share my "miracle" with you. -- SHARON IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHARON: My goodness, you don't have to thank me. Your letter moved me to the point of tears. Although I have printed many letters about pennies from heaven, this is the first time I have heard about a postcard. I'm glad it gave you the comfort and validation that you needed.