DEAR ABBY: When my husband is sick or needs to have surgery, he refuses to tell his family and doesn't want me to. This puts me in a very awkward position. I'm damned if I do tell them because he will be upset with me, and damned if I don't because his family won't trust me, and I don't want things that way.

Invariably, when he gets home, he calls his family and tells them all about his surgery, and I'm left looking like I withheld the information, when it's not me at all. I have asked him what if he dies? His family will be upset not only by the tragedy, but also at me for having kept them in the dark.

I'm considering leaving him over this. I don't deserve this from him. And no, he won't see a counselor and I won't do it alone, so do you have any other advice than that? -- IN A DIFFICULT POSITION

DEAR IN A DIFFICULT POSITION: You should not be made to feel that you're stuck in the middle. It would be nice if your husband understood that when he is sick enough to be hospitalized that you might need the emotional support his family could offer. But since it's not going to happen, he should make plain to his family that he prefers to be the bearer of this kind of news, and the reason they aren't hearing it from you is because he wants it that way.

DEAR ABBY: I love my sister and enjoy chatting with her, but our schedules make it difficult to connect. When we do speak, her husband often interjects or starts another conversation with her, as if she isn't on the phone. She also settles spats between her toddlers and other things her husband could manage while we're talking.

When this happens I say, "I can tell you're tied up. Can we talk later when things settle down?" Her reply: "We can talk now. Things are always crazy around here."

As it stands, we speak only a few times a year, and I'd like her undivided attention. I have tried bringing this up a number of times, but she feels life doesn't stand still for anyone.

Is it too much to ask for 30 minutes, three times a year? We live several states apart, so having a face-to-face isn't an option. Any help would be appreciated, because I'm hurt. -- MISSING MY SISTER IN GEORGIA

DEAR MISSING YOUR SISTER: I don't blame you for feeling hurt, because apparently your sister isn't interested in having the kind of contact you would like. It may be that her husband is ultra-controlling -- hence the constant interruptions from him -- or that her household is so disorganized she's in the middle of a whirlwind.

If you haven't already, write her a letter and express your feelings. It's one way of getting your thoughts across without being interrupted. I don't think 30 minutes three times a year is a lot to ask of her. Propose setting a specific time to talk when her kids and husband aren't around. Then cross your fingers and hope she sees the light.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a nurse who has been providing flu vaccinations for customers in a big box store. Most of them regard us health care workers as people who want to keep them healthy. My problem is parents who use me as a threat of punishment for their kids.

I have had parents drag their screaming, crying kids over to me, telling them that if they don't behave they are going to "make me" give them a shot. One woman pulled her daughter by the arm, sat her in the chair and said, "OK, give her a shot!" The little girl's eyes filled with tears and she panicked.

I looked the woman in the eye and told her I didn't appreciate her making her daughter afraid of me. I told the little one that sometimes we have to take medicine that might hurt us or taste bad, but only because we hoped it would make her better. Then I assured her I wasn't giving her a shot. The woman laughed nervously, said she was "just joking" and rushed her child away.

I worked hard to become a nurse and my goal is keeping people healthy. Parents: Please don't use health care workers as punishment. You're not helping us to do our job when you can't do yours. -- NOT THE BAD GUY IN CLINTON, TENN.

DEAR NOT THE BAD GUY: It's unfortunate, but some parents do this not only with health care workers, but also with police officers, and it's an unbelievably stupid practice. To make a child fearful of the professionals they may at some point need is counterproductive and poor parenting. If a child is acting up and being disruptive in a public place, a better solution is to remove him or her from the premises until you have regained control of the situation.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter was killed in an auto accident a couple of months after she graduated from high school with honors. She had planned to go to college and become a nurse.

Right after graduation she went on a senior trip to Mexico. Two days later she called me wanting to come home. She said everyone was drinking, doing drugs, having sex with strangers and she didn't like it. I bought her a plane ticket and she came home the next day. She died two months later.

Eight months went by and I was having a particularly hard time one night. I prayed for a sign from God that she was in heaven and doing well.

The next day, the day before Good Friday, I went to my mailbox. Inside was a postcard from my daughter. She had mailed it from Mexico the day before she returned. It was in mint condition and had been lost in the mail for 10 months.

The card read: "It is beautiful here. I'm OK. I miss you and love you, Mommy. Love, Brandi." I was so happy and relieved! I was able to move on with my life after that. I signed up for college a few weeks later and earned my degree four years later.

Thank you, Abby, for letting me share my "miracle" with you. -- SHARON IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHARON: My goodness, you don't have to thank me. Your letter moved me to the point of tears. Although I have printed many letters about pennies from heaven, this is the first time I have heard about a postcard. I'm glad it gave you the comfort and validation that you needed.

DEAR ABBY: I have been single for a couple of years. I have always been levelheaded when it comes to romance, but I'm finding myself unable to control my feelings about the new man I'm seeing.

"Brent" is smart, intelligent, sweet and loving. We have been dating for a little over a week and he has already given me keys to his place. (I have a roommate, or I would have given him my keys, too!)

I love him. He loves me. I am so happy. I feel calm and confident about how we're progressing. This is a first for me. I know it's unusually fast, but my parents got married six weeks after they met, and they're still happy together after 37 years.

Love at first sight is rare, but I think this is it. Your thoughts? -- WOWED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WOWED: I'm glad for your parents, but because they married six weeks after they met does not mean you must repeat history. Right now, you and Brent appear to be caught up in a whirl of endorphins and adrenaline. Because you asked for my thoughts I'll share them: Slow down until both of you have your feet back on the ground because that is how solid relationships are built. Your folks were an exception to the rule. If you don't believe me, ask them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 62-year-old male. My problem is I have never been married, and when I go on dates, women always want to know why I'm still single.

The reasons are financial and also that I'm allergic to cats. (A lot of women own cats.) I have never made much money, and I live with my mother. I can't afford to move out, and even when I had a place of my own, it didn't make much difference. I'd like to be married, but this has become a catch-22. No one wants to marry me because I have never been married.

I have looked this issue up online and it is a huge problem; women definitely discriminate against never-married men. Sometimes I wonder if I should lie and say I'm a widower. What can I say to women who interrogate me about this? -- SEARCHING FOR A MATE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SEARCHING: If you lie about the fact that you're a lifelong bachelor, at some point the truth will come out and your credibility will be shot. That's why I'm advising you to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Your marital status is nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone is meant to be married. You say you are 62 and live with your mother because you can't afford to live on your own. Has it occurred to you that you might not be able to afford being married?

Also, marriage is a big adjustment for anyone -- male or female. There is no guarantee that a person who has become set in his or her ways can successfully make that transition. This is not to say that you shouldn't have companionship, but you don't need a wife for that. A good friend -- or several -- could provide it.