DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and so is my boyfriend. He's wonderful. We're very much in love and intend to be together for the rest of our lives, but my mother is causing major problems in our relationship. We're not allowed to see each other outside of school. Neither of us has a driver's license, and we're not getting them anytime soon.

Even if someone will be watching us the whole time, Mom says she's afraid we're going to "make out." We won't, and it's very distressing. She says she trusts me, but clearly she doesn't. She also says she approves of my boyfriend, but obviously that's not the case, either.

What can I do to convince her that we are trustworthy? -- DISTRESSED TEEN IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRESSED TEEN: Not knowing your mother, it's hard to say what will ease her worries. However, at 16, you are at an age when you should be starting to date. Many teens start by going out in groups, which lessens the opportunity for "make-out" situations.

The problem with overprotecting a teenage girl is that it can prevent her from acquiring the necessary social skills she will need later to make mature judgments. It's important that your mother realize this, and please tell her I said so.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree on whether it is OK for me to have a secret I do not wish to share with her. It doesn't affect her. It pertains to a situation 40 years ago, long before we met. After we got into an argument about it, I eventually told her what it was about.

There was a popular movie about the same situation. Whenever it came on TV and I watched it, I would get teary-eyed, and my wife would ask me what was wrong. I would say I didn't know because I wanted to keep the reason to myself.

Now I'm accused of having lied to her about it. My wife is adamant that spouses should have no secrets whatsoever from each other. The issue was something significant and private to me. We would appreciate your comments. -- DISAGREEING IN MARYLAND

DEAR DISAGREEING: Would your wife have felt better if, when she saw you tear up and asked what was wrong, you had responded honestly and told her it was something personal, painful and none of her business?

What you did wasn't lying; it was protecting yourself from having to discuss something you weren't ready to reveal. And when you did, instead of being sympathetic, she attacked you. Well, now that you have shared your secret and are being punished for it, are you more comfortable with the idea of telling her "all"? (I doubt it.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a lake house and invited a couple (close friends) to join us for a few days. The husband has cancer and has been taking chemo. We wanted them both to rest, as the wife is his only caregiver. We all thought this would be a wonderful opportunity to relax and enjoy nature.

The second night they were there, the husband went to bed very early and the three of us were visiting. At one point, my friend went into the kitchen. When she didn't come out, I went to check on her and found her close to a diabetic coma.

It was very frightening. She hadn't eaten much dinner and her blood sugar had crashed to a dangerous level. Fortunately, we knew what to do because my dad was diabetic.

We were an hour from the nearest hospital and had no cell reception. We did not know where her medication was. My friend was making no sense and couldn't remember.

I want to respect my friends' privacy, but if you travel with someone you know has a medical condition, is it OK to ask where they keep their meds in case of an emergency? How do you approach the subject? -- CARING FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Of course it's OK. And a perfect way to lead up to that question would be to relate the story you have written to me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, for the most part, is a happy-go-lucky, funny person during the day. But once we sit down to dinner, he starts criticizing and making mean comments about me. Once dinner is over, he's back to being pleasant.

I have addressed this with him to no avail. I have tried ignoring his comments, changing the subject, asking calmly for him to make his concerns known before or after rather than during the meal. I have suggested we eat dinner away from the table or separately. I have sought the counsel of a therapist and tried implementing her suggestions.

I am at my wits' end. I'm a well-educated, good person, a good wife and co-provider. I do not understand why he acts this way at the dinner table. Your thoughts, Abby? -- IT'S ALL GOOD, UNTIL ...

DEAR IT'S ALL GOOD: When someone tells me, "It's all good" and then describes a marriage in which her husband beats her down emotionally once a day, I have to wonder what her definition of "good" is. For whatever reason, your husband appears to be trying to punish you for something by deliberately upsetting you every evening.

Was it his behavior that caused you to seek counseling or something else? I ask because I think the wrong spouse may have seen the therapist. Unless he decides to get help and find a healthier way of channeling his anger/frustration, nothing will change, because as it stands, there have been no "consequences" for his actions.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old man who has been a successful swimmer in high school and now in college. Over the past few months, I have become obsessed with developing six-pack abs. I have never had much success with women, and I thought that looking like a movie star might finally get me noticed and make me feel good about myself.

As a result, I have become obsessive about my diet. I have dropped 10 pounds, mostly muscle, and my performance in the pool has suffered. If I don't see perfect definition between every ab and don't exercise for at least 2 1/2 hours a day, I feel fat and guilty whenever I eat. I have awakened in the middle of the night worrying about what I'll eat the next day. I'm concerned for the future when my metabolism will inevitably slow down.

I have begun to think that death is a better scenario than being fat, or feeling that way. I want to be able to enjoy eating again and get my life back. I don't want to tell my parents or friends for fear of seeming weak-minded. Where can I go for help? -- FEELING LOST IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR FEELING LOST: Physical perfection is no guarantee that you'll find love. Liking yourself and accepting yourself for who you are is what attracts others.

Although "looking like a movie star" can be an asset -- depending upon who the movie star is -- unless you are secure about who you are and what you have to offer, you can't maintain a healthy relationship. (If you don't believe me, look at the tabloids and start counting how many movie star romances resemble a game of musical chairs.)

If you truly think that death might be preferable to being fat, then you are in trouble. You may have a serious eating disorder, one that could shorten your life. Most people who have an eating disorder need professional help to overcome it, so the place to go is to your student health center. Ask to speak with a mental health counselor about what you're doing and how you're feeling. It is important that you understand what has caused this so you can be successfully treated.

DEAR ABBY: My parents' 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. I thought it would be nice to have a dinner with the 12 to 14 people who were in their wedding party.

If I had it at a nice restaurant, would it be rude to ask them to pay their own way for dinner? I am only 21 and just graduated from college, so I can't manage it on my own. Any advice? -- SON OF "SILVER" PARENTS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SON: I think the sentiment is sweet, but if you are going to have this kind of an anniversary party for your parents, you should wait until you can afford to host it. For this one, invite your parents out for dinner, and give them the kind of party you're planning on their 30th.