life

Teen Is Looking for Direction After High School Graduation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 26th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old high school senior who is scared about what's going to happen after graduation. For the past three years I have known exactly where I'll be and what I will be doing in the general sense. Now that I have one more year to go, I'm worried that I won't know what to do or how to do it when I graduate. I have talked to counselors and my dad, but they all say the same thing. Do you have any advice? -- UNEASY IN IDAHO

DEAR UNEASY: Sit down someplace quiet and make a list of what your interests and talents are. If necessary, next year visit the career counseling department of your nearest community college or university and take some aptitude tests. This will give you an idea of what direction you may want to take in deciding what you should do next.

Unlike in generations past, people today sometimes change careers several times in their working lives, so don't be afraid that you'll be stuck in some unpleasant rut forever. The more you learn and the more people you meet, the greater your options will be, so stop worrying.

Work & SchoolTeens
life

Middle-Aged Man Hesitates To Step Out Of The Closet

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 26th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: In 1972 when I was 12, my father found out that I was gay, although that wasn't the word he used. After a severe beating that landed me in the hospital, I realized that to survive I was going to have to live "straight." Eventually I married, and for almost 25 years I was relatively happy. My wife died of cancer five years ago, and now I need to move on.

Can someone my age enter gay society? One thing I have noticed is that it can be more difficult for older gay men than straight. Any suggestions or should I just continue living the lie? -- AT A CROSSROADS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: The gay community may be biased toward youth, but that doesn't mean it is impossible to be a part of it. You have "served your time" hiding in the straight world. Contact the nearest gay and lesbian center (lgbtcenters.org) and talk to someone there about your chances of successfully integrating. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised because most centers have programs for LGBT people of all ages.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Woman's Wispy Figure Is Object Of Ridicule

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 26th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old woman. I take care of myself, exercise regularly and have a healthy diet. I'm naturally very thin, and the diet and exercise actually help me to gain and keep weight on my otherwise "skinny" frame.

My issue is people who seem to think my weight is an OK topic of discussion, light ridicule or even harsh accusation (anorexia, bulimia, etc.). I am self-conscious about my "chicken legs" and having a "bony butt." How can I tell people that commenting on my weight is rude without creating an issue or causing drama? -- WEIGHTY ISSUE IN D.C.

DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: Of course it's rude, and the comments you're receiving may have in them an element of jealousy. A nonconfrontational way to handle it would be to pleasantly assure these concerned individuals that your doctor has assured you that you are fine. Then change the subject.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Tyke Becomes a Terror When Mom Takes Back Her Cellphone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When my friend "Fran" and I get together with our kids, they often play games on her cellphone until the battery dies. If she tries to take the phone from her 6-year-old to make a call or recharge the phone, he starts yelling at her, pushes her, pulls her skirt and hits her. Her reaction is to hug him and start praying for the devil to get out of his body in Jesus' name as he continues to hit her.

While I respect Fran's religion, I'm appalled at his violent behavior, concerned that he will grow up thinking it's OK to hit people, and I think this should be handled differently. What do you think? Should I say something? And if so, what can I say so as not to hurt her feelings? -- APPALLED BY THE VIOLENCE

DEAR APPALLED: Surely by now Fran knows what will happen when she lets her son play with her cellphone. The boy may act this way because his mother never taught him how to deal with frustration in a healthy way.

Whether his outbursts are the result of poor parenting or an emotional disability, be less concerned about hurting Fran's feelings than about whether her son could seriously hurt her in another year or two. Tell her this and urge her to discuss the boy's behavior with his pediatrician -- before his problems get worse and he becomes unmanageable.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Marriage Seems Over Before It Begins

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently got married. The week before our wedding, my husband was so hateful and hard to get along with that I wasn't sure what was going on with him. When I asked if he was sure he still wanted to get married, he would say yes.

On the day of our wedding he brought up his ex-wife's name twice -- each time making snide remarks. Nonetheless, he married me. He has slept downstairs every night since our wedding, not in our bed. Our marriage has yet to be consummated.

So tell me, Abby, what's his problem? I'm miserable! -- MISERABLE BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR BRIDE: The only person who can answer that question is your husband. Clearly, he is not happy either. Tell him that you are worried about him and ask him to level with you. Offer him the option of marriage counseling, but if he refuses, then, frankly, you both may be better off if this marriage is annulled.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Tattoo Causes Buyer's Remorse

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 25th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 30s and have a tattoo on my forearm that I now regret getting. I try to wear sweaters so no one will notice. In the past when people discovered I have a tattoo, they have judged me so I ended up feeling ashamed of myself.

I am debating having it removed -- or I could go to driving school to become a long-haul trucker. Both options are expensive, and I'm undecided about which to do. Can you advise me? -- TORN IN SAN ANTONE

DEAR TORN: It's a hard choice, but truck drivers make good money, so you may be on to something. Once you have the money, you could have the tattoo removed, if you still want to, so I'm voting for going to driving school.

MoneyWork & SchoolMental Health
life

Guest Howls Over Dog's Attendance at Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it acceptable to bring a teacup-sized dog to a wedding? The excuse was, "Well, the wedding was at the beach." The pre-dinner and dancing were inside a high-end resort on the beach. The dog was taken inside these establishments.

After a guest -- a family member of the dog's owner -- asked the owner to remove the animal because the occasion was not about her and her dog but the bride and groom's day, the owner put the dog in a carrying case and the dog returned to the wedding for the rest of the night. Only this one couple made an issue of it and they weren't in the wedding party, but relations of the dog owner. What do you think? -- DOGGONE DISGUSTED

DEAR DOGGONE DISGUSTED: The rule of etiquette states that nothing should distract attention from the happy couple -- and especially the bride -- at the wedding. However, if the dog owner had first asked for and received permission to bring the animal to the festivities, then it wasn't rude and the relatives of the dog owner were wrong to intervene.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Political Argument Leaves Bitter Taste In Dinner Guests' Mouths

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We were recently at dinner with longtime friends whose political views are different from ours. I believe in the rule of etiquette about avoiding the topics of politics and religion in mixed company. Well, somehow the conversation turned political. Voices were raised and I stood up and ended it.

There are now many hurt feelings with the parties involved still disagreeing about what happened and how it was handled. I know my actions were extreme, but things were out of control and I was upset. How do I deal with this if we are invited to future events? -- KEEPING THE PEACE

DEAR KEEPING THE PEACE: You may be worrying needlessly, because you may not be invited to future events -- at least until the next election is over. Whatever your friends were arguing about, while you had a right to speak up and say it was making you uncomfortable, because your reaction was "extreme," you may have been as rude as the others. If you caused hurt feelings that evening, you should apologize, if you haven't already.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Acknowledging Condolences Overwhelms Grieving Sibling

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 24th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A sibling died recently and I have received numerous sympathy messages in the form of cards, gifts and online posts. Do the people who send them typically expect a response? I feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of attention, and I worry that they'll think I'm not appreciative if I don't respond in kind. What is your advice? -- GRIEVING BUT GRATEFUL

DEAR GRIEVING BUT GRATEFUL: Their kindness should be acknowledged. To those who sent gifts and cards, a short note saying how much their support meant during this difficult time would be a gracious response. The online condolences could be handled with one email "blast" conveying the same thing, which shouldn't be offensive to those who sent their sympathy that way.

Etiquette & EthicsDeath

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