DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of four. My oldest son, "Jeff," is from a previous marriage. My ex was convicted of child molestation, involving his daughter from a previous relationship.

Jeff is now 11. He has had very few unsupervised visitations with his dad over the last few years and is always talking about how great a guy he is. I have tried to explain that his father has done "inappropriate things" that got him in trouble with the law, which is why he can't have contact with his sister.

Instead of trusting my judgment for having moved several states away, Jeff always tells me about how he wants to go live with his dad when he's 18. Being "Big Bad Mama" is no fun. The once-a-year gifts from his father trump any nice things my husband or I provide for Jeff. How can I explain to my son that I am only looking out for his best interests, and that he will never live with his dad? -- BIG BAD MAMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR MAMA: I don't know how mature your son is, but most 11-year-old boys idolize their fathers. Jeff has his father on a pedestal because he sees him only rarely, and has no concept of what the reality of living with him would be.

At some point your son will need to know exactly what his father did that got him into trouble -- without your glossing over it using the vague description of "inappropriate behavior." When that conversation happens, he should already understand the concept of boundaries and what taking advantage of a child really means.

If I were in your position, I would consult a licensed psychotherapist or social worker for input before trying to explain this to Jeff, because the news is going to be shocking. However, if your son still wants to live with his birth father when he's 18, I don't think there is anything you can do to prevent it.

DEAR ABBY: I raised my children to stay with me when we were in a store. They didn't touch things displayed on the shelves because the items were not theirs and we weren't going to purchase them. We didn't have cellphones when my children grew up. However, even now I never remove mine from my purse while I'm in a store.

Is there a nice way to tell other shoppers to put their phones away and pay attention to their children while shopping, and suggest that it might not be safe for their kids to run through the aisles or roll canned goods down them? I am not sure about their children's safety, but I'm positive it isn't safe for me when their children are acting this way. -- MEME IN THE WEST

DEAR MEME: No, I don't think there is. You appear to be part of a generation that had the time (or took the time) to teach these things to their kids.

I agree that children should be taught to respect the property of others and to ask before touching it. I also agree that leaving items in an aisle could be dangerous to shoppers whose attention may be fixed on the store shelves instead of the floor.

But because so many parents today seem to have "forgotten" to convey these important lessons, then caveat emptor -- but in this case, let the shopper beware.

DEAR ABBY: We were visiting my daughter and her husband when their 3-year-old, "Bethany," entered our room and rummaged through our medications. The door to the guest room was closed and the medications had been placed on a desk. Of course, everyone thought she had ingested some, so they rushed her to the ER. We were fortunate that nothing was found in her system.

My son-in-law thinks we should help pay the medical bills. I have sent several hundred dollars, but he is asking for more.

Bethany is an only child, and they allow her free reign of the house. I have other grandchildren who are even younger, and none of them would dream of touching something that wasn't theirs.

It has been almost a year since the incident, and they still haven't taught her to respect and leave things alone that are not hers. My daughter is a professional and her husband works from home, which concerns me because he isn't as strict as I feel is necessary.

Are we obligated to help with more of her medical expenses? I don't think so because we have already helped, and I don't think it's our job to teach our grandchild boundaries. -- OHIO GRANDMA

DEAR OHIO GRANDMA: That must have been some hefty emergency room bill! Obviously, closing the guest room door was not enough to deter your granddaughter. In hindsight, you now know that you should keep anything you don't want her to get into locked in your suitcase. But you and your husband are not mind readers.

If this wasn't a wake-up call to your daughter and son-in-law that it was time to teach their child the meaning of "No!" and "Don't touch!" then I don't know what it will take to prevent another "oops!" As to your shelling out more money than you already have for Bethany's medical bills, I think you have given enough, and you should not be blamed for what happened.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend told me several months ago that she needed to make new friends. When I gave her a surprised look, her response was, "No, you took that the wrong way." I left it at that.

She recently mentioned that she was going to invite several of our neighbors over for cocktails and a light dinner, but she did not invite me. The evening of the event, while her guests were still there, she phoned me. She said they were finished with dinner and asked if I wanted to walk over and get some leftovers. I politely declined, saying I wasn't dressed.

Abby, I'm shocked that she would ask me to come over to, basically, get a takeout plate. Your thoughts? -- NO TAKEOUT FOR ME

DEAR NO TAKEOUT: I think what the woman did was insensitive, and that it's time you, too, started making some new friends. Considering how this one treated you, it certainly couldn't hurt.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs, but the last few months have been hell. My husband lies about having paid bills. When I ask, "Have you paid the rent?" I mean "in full," not a partial payment. We have now been evicted for nonpayment of rent and are living in a hotel. Utilities have been cut off because of his partial payments and his lying about their having been paid in full, and I'm tired of it.

It's not just the two of us who have been affected because of his mismanagement of money, but also our two children who are caught up in this mess. I'm not one of those wives who sit around not knowing what's going on with the finances. I have bills I pay for the house, too, and after they are paid I give him money to pay other bills.

I am sick and tired, Abby, and I want to divorce him. What other choice do I have? The "for richer or poorer" thing is no longer working for me. How much should a person tolerate before walking away from marriage? -- HAD ENOUGH IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: You say this has been going on for a few months. Where is the money going that isn't being spent on bills? You say you give your husband money. Is he bringing in any, or is he jobless? Before you decide to walk away, you need to understand why it is that your husband has been lying to you, particularly if this is recent behavior.

If you are better at handling money than he is, then you should be handling the finances and paying all of the bills. That would be a solution to your money troubles. But reading between the lines of your letter, it appears there may be a lot more going on between you and your husband than you have disclosed. And if that's the case, I'd recommend marriage counseling before I'd recommend divorce.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my mother always told me to close the bathroom door after using the toilet so as not to allow any offensive odors to escape.

I'm an adult now, have a nice home and entertain often. I am dismayed that most of my guests leave the bathroom door wide open after each use. It is particularly offensive because of the close proximity of the powder room to the dining room. Like the habit of men forgetting to put the toilet seat down, I find this "open door" policy both disgusting and inexcusable.

Would you kindly advise whether my mother was correct, or am I being too sensitive? I'll post your answer on the door of my guest bathroom for my guests to see. -- GROSSED OUT, CARMEL VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: While it would be hard to argue in favor of offensive fumes wafting into a hallway, not everyone feels as strongly as you and your mother do on this subject. Your guests may be leaving the door open so other guests will know the bathroom is unoccupied.

Because you prefer for it to be shut at all times, rather than post a letter from me on the door, consider installing an automatic spring closer on it, or post a small sign that reads, "Please Shut Door When Leaving."