life

Wandering Grandchild Must Be Taught to Respect Boundaries

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 14th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: We were visiting my daughter and her husband when their 3-year-old, "Bethany," entered our room and rummaged through our medications. The door to the guest room was closed and the medications had been placed on a desk. Of course, everyone thought she had ingested some, so they rushed her to the ER. We were fortunate that nothing was found in her system.

My son-in-law thinks we should help pay the medical bills. I have sent several hundred dollars, but he is asking for more.

Bethany is an only child, and they allow her free reign of the house. I have other grandchildren who are even younger, and none of them would dream of touching something that wasn't theirs.

It has been almost a year since the incident, and they still haven't taught her to respect and leave things alone that are not hers. My daughter is a professional and her husband works from home, which concerns me because he isn't as strict as I feel is necessary.

Are we obligated to help with more of her medical expenses? I don't think so because we have already helped, and I don't think it's our job to teach our grandchild boundaries. -- OHIO GRANDMA

DEAR OHIO GRANDMA: That must have been some hefty emergency room bill! Obviously, closing the guest room door was not enough to deter your granddaughter. In hindsight, you now know that you should keep anything you don't want her to get into locked in your suitcase. But you and your husband are not mind readers.

If this wasn't a wake-up call to your daughter and son-in-law that it was time to teach their child the meaning of "No!" and "Don't touch!" then I don't know what it will take to prevent another "oops!" As to your shelling out more money than you already have for Bethany's medical bills, I think you have given enough, and you should not be blamed for what happened.

MoneyHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Invitation For Leftovers Leaves Sour Taste In Friend's Mouth

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 14th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My best friend told me several months ago that she needed to make new friends. When I gave her a surprised look, her response was, "No, you took that the wrong way." I left it at that.

She recently mentioned that she was going to invite several of our neighbors over for cocktails and a light dinner, but she did not invite me. The evening of the event, while her guests were still there, she phoned me. She said they were finished with dinner and asked if I wanted to walk over and get some leftovers. I politely declined, saying I wasn't dressed.

Abby, I'm shocked that she would ask me to come over to, basically, get a takeout plate. Your thoughts? -- NO TAKEOUT FOR ME

DEAR NO TAKEOUT: I think what the woman did was insensitive, and that it's time you, too, started making some new friends. Considering how this one treated you, it certainly couldn't hurt.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Husband's Money Management Has Put Marriage in the Red

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 13th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs, but the last few months have been hell. My husband lies about having paid bills. When I ask, "Have you paid the rent?" I mean "in full," not a partial payment. We have now been evicted for nonpayment of rent and are living in a hotel. Utilities have been cut off because of his partial payments and his lying about their having been paid in full, and I'm tired of it.

It's not just the two of us who have been affected because of his mismanagement of money, but also our two children who are caught up in this mess. I'm not one of those wives who sit around not knowing what's going on with the finances. I have bills I pay for the house, too, and after they are paid I give him money to pay other bills.

I am sick and tired, Abby, and I want to divorce him. What other choice do I have? The "for richer or poorer" thing is no longer working for me. How much should a person tolerate before walking away from marriage? -- HAD ENOUGH IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: You say this has been going on for a few months. Where is the money going that isn't being spent on bills? You say you give your husband money. Is he bringing in any, or is he jobless? Before you decide to walk away, you need to understand why it is that your husband has been lying to you, particularly if this is recent behavior.

If you are better at handling money than he is, then you should be handling the finances and paying all of the bills. That would be a solution to your money troubles. But reading between the lines of your letter, it appears there may be a lot more going on between you and your husband than you have disclosed. And if that's the case, I'd recommend marriage counseling before I'd recommend divorce.

Marriage & DivorceMoney
life

Bathroom Door Etiquette Has An Open-And-Shut Solution

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 13th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my mother always told me to close the bathroom door after using the toilet so as not to allow any offensive odors to escape.

I'm an adult now, have a nice home and entertain often. I am dismayed that most of my guests leave the bathroom door wide open after each use. It is particularly offensive because of the close proximity of the powder room to the dining room. Like the habit of men forgetting to put the toilet seat down, I find this "open door" policy both disgusting and inexcusable.

Would you kindly advise whether my mother was correct, or am I being too sensitive? I'll post your answer on the door of my guest bathroom for my guests to see. -- GROSSED OUT, CARMEL VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: While it would be hard to argue in favor of offensive fumes wafting into a hallway, not everyone feels as strongly as you and your mother do on this subject. Your guests may be leaving the door open so other guests will know the bathroom is unoccupied.

Because you prefer for it to be shut at all times, rather than post a letter from me on the door, consider installing an automatic spring closer on it, or post a small sign that reads, "Please Shut Door When Leaving."

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Young Teen Is Mocked for Not Wanting to Date

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl in middle school. I have never seriously dated anyone, and the one time I did I felt trapped. My friends think it's weird that I have never dated a guy and they call me a lesbian. I just want to finish my schoolwork and wait until high school to start dating. I don't want to feel weighed down by anyone. Is there something wrong with me? -- CONFUSED IN S. CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Something wrong with you? Good grief, no! In fact, I would go so far as to say there is something right with you. Not every teen -- and that goes for boys, too -- feels ready to date at 14.

It makes me angry that your "friends" would call you something you're not just because you're not doing what they're doing. If it persists, your parents should talk to the school about it. Preferring to concentrate on your studies and waiting until high school to date is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's something to be proud of.

Love & DatingTeens
life

Heated Discussion In The Dining Room Follows Fire In The Kitchen

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I attended a friend's birthday celebration a few weeks ago at a chic restaurant. After our entrees were ordered and the appetizers served, the restaurant's fire alarm sounded and the dining room was evacuated. For 20 minutes all of the patrons waited patiently outside while the fire department was summoned. We learned from another guest that there had been a small fire in the kitchen.

When we returned to the dining room, a heated debate ensued among the guests. One person said that because the fire alarm had interrupted our meal, the lunch should be complimentary. Others insisted the restaurant owed us nothing beyond an apology. We paid our bill, but the question remains: Should the management have shown some consideration for the inconvenience we experienced? -- FOUR-ALARM FRAZZLED

DEAR FRAZZLED: I took your question to Craig Susser, owner of the successful Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood, California. He agreed with me that the restaurant owner should have shown appreciation for the patience that was exhibited by the patrons.

While Craig said he wouldn't have paid for the entire meal for everyone who was dining there that day, he certainly would have made some adjustment to the bill to compensate them for their inconvenience. "After all, we're in it together," he added. And that gracious attitude is why he has one of the most popular dining establishments in L.A.

Etiquette & EthicsMoney
life

Marriage Is A Team Sport

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts on marriage? Is it an antiquated practice? I don't know if I really want it, or just because society and social media deem it important. -- CINDY VIA TWITTER

DEAR CINDY: I don't consider marriage to be an antiquated practice at all. In a sense, marriage is a "team sport." It won't succeed unless the team members are dedicated to a common goal and are willing to sacrifice selfish needs to achieve it.

In my opinion, the reason so many marriages fail is that individuals go into it for the wrong reasons. No one should marry because "society" and "social media" deem it important. When you meet the right person, you won't be ambivalent about spending your life and creating a family with that individual.

Marriage & Divorce

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