life

Scrapbooks Full of Memories Will Be Cherished by Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 8th, 2014

DEAR ABBY: May I comment about the question from "Unsure in the West" (April 6), who wanted to create scrapbooks out of all the cards and letters she received over the years? My generation (30s) is all about social media. "Unsure" mentioned that all the items she wanted to include were pre-Facebook. I am a bit old-fashioned (or maybe stubborn) so I don't do Facebook or Twitter, and I don't understand the importance of a "hashtag." I have no idea how to Skype, nor do I pay my bills online.

I think the scrapbook idea is wonderful. There is something special about having tangible items to go along with important milestones and memories. Even if the gifts themselves don't strike a chord with her friends, surely the consideration and time she puts into the scrapbooks will make her loved ones realize how important they are to her. I say, proceed with confidence. Your friends are lucky to have you. -- L.K. IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR L.K.: Like you, readers overwhelmingly support "Unsure" in her efforts to create scrapbooks of memories for her friends. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have also saved cards, letters, wedding photos and pictures of newborns, etc., for several decades. A few years ago, I simply returned them to the people who had sent them. Nearly all of the recipients squealed with delight as they thanked me, having realized I had gifted them with "time capsules" of their lives. Only one friend was offended that I had returned her items. She said she was "appalled" that I didn't cherish them myself. The joy expressed by the others superseded the angry friend. "Unsure," return those items to the senders! -- LINDA IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: I did the same thing with photos. But instead of returning them to the person(s) who gave them to me, I gave them to the children who were pictured in the photos. Others I saved and presented to the now-grown child's spouse as a wedding gift. So far they have been well-received. Most people are surprised to learn that I actually kept all these photos of them or their children for so long and appreciated the effort I put into the scrapbooks. -- MEMORY KEEPER

DEAR ABBY: I am not a crafter and I'm not very sentimental. I don't enjoy what I consider clutter. As I've grown older, I have done my best to pare down and eliminate things I no longer have use for. I have embraced technology. If "Unsure" were my friend, I would appreciate it more if she scanned anything she wanted to give back to me. Either way, I would probably view the scrapbook or e-book, and then deep-six it after the viewing. It crossed my mind that perhaps "Unsure" is cleaning out, and this is her way of getting rid of her "clutter." -- MAUREEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: Yes! Bundle and return the cards and letters with a note about what the correspondence has meant to you over the years. As a young adult, I lived all over the world and frequently wrote my friends and family about my life and what I was experiencing. Over the last few years I have received bundles from my mother, my sister and a friend -- all letters they had hung onto for 20 to 30 years. What a surprise and a joy. Reading these old cards and letters gave me a window into a world that no longer exists, and reminded me of who I was then and what my life was like. Yes, please give back the correspondence. -- MARIANNE IN CALIFORNIA

Friends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Eligible Seniors Can Sign Up for Free Medical Eye Exam

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 7th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am an ophthalmologist, and all too often I see patients who have already lost some of their vision because they waited too long to schedule an appointment for an eye exam. Many times the reason was limited insurance or they couldn't afford the co-pay.

After helping nearly 1.8 million people, EyeCare America, a public service program of the Foundation of the American Academy of Ophthalmology, continues to match eligible seniors in need with volunteer ophthalmologists who provide a medical eye exam -- and up to one year of care -- at no out-of-pocket cost to the patient.

This July, as we celebrate our country's independence, invite your readers to also celebrate their personal independence by getting regular eye exams, especially as they age. Many eye diseases develop later in life. In fact, one in six people age 65 and older has a vision impairment that cannot be corrected with glasses or contact lenses.

Please help to save your readers from the falls, injuries, depression and social isolation that are associated with vision loss and join me in spreading the word about EyeCare America. Thank you for your help. -- CHARLES P. WILKINSON, M.D., CHAIR, EYECARE AMERICA

DEAR DR. WILKINSON: You're welcome. But I am the one who should thank you and the other members of the American Academy of Ophthalmology for their generosity in offering this program to seniors nationwide.

Readers, this is important and I know the need is great. To find out if you or your loved ones qualify for this program, visit www.eyecareamerica.org. (The online application does not request financial information.)

Health & Safety
life

In-Laws Don't Measure Up To Mom's Child Care Standards

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 7th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are pressuring me to let them take our small children for overnights and trips around the city. I'm extremely uncomfortable about it because I don't trust their supervision. They obviously love the kids, and I'm happy they're in our children's lives -- as long as they come to our house to visit.

There have been several instances in which they made some questionable decisions with respect to supervising my little ones in public. I have so far successfully dodged their requests, but it will be impossible to do it forever. If I tell them how I -- and their son -- feel, they will be hurt, especially because my parents routinely watch the kids outside our home.

What's the best way to handle this with the least hurt feelings? -- ST. LOUIS MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: This is something you and your husband will have to discuss with his parents together. If you do it alone, you will forever be blamed for "favoring" your family over his. When the discussion happens, you should cite your reasons for feeling the way you do. I can't promise there won't be hurt feelings, because there probably already are, but your children's safety must come first.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Birthday Girl Boldly Asks Guest to Bring a Second Gift

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 6th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am planning to attend a birthday party for my friend "Sophia" who is turning 50. When I mentioned to her that I would be shopping for her birthday gift, she asked that while I was shopping for her, that I also pick up a gift for her friend "Stacy."

I have met Stacy only a couple of times, and I think it was extremely nervy for Sophia to ask me to do it. The party is only for her, and I don't see the connection.

Sophia has done this in the past, and I'm trying to think of a way to tell her I'd rather not buy a gift for her friend. How should I handle this? -- NO LONGER A DOORMAT

DEAR NO LONGER A DOORMAT: Tell Sophia with a SMILE that you are not close to Stacy, don't know her taste and do not feel comfortable shopping for her. Smiling when you say it should prevent your refusal from appearing confrontational.

P.S. I agree she had a lot of nerve to ask.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Toilet Paper Leaves Trail Of Embarrassment

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 6th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We went out to dinner with another couple. The wives are psychiatric nurses; the husbands are a banker and a business owner. All of us are accustomed to dealing with "sensitive" issues.

A woman at the table next to ours went to the ladies' room. When she returned, a short "train" of toilet paper was caught in the waistband of her slacks. It was very obvious. There was silence, but a palpable "energy," so the woman knew something was amiss and it might have something to do with her. The tissue "floated" with each step, so I knew it wasn't weighed down with moisture.

Because I didn't perceive it to be an imminent public health threat, I joined the silent legion. Did I miss a moral imperative by not letting her know? I didn't know how to do it discreetly. If this should ever happen again, what -- if anything -- should I do? -- MR. MANNERS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MR. MANNERS: Imagine if the person with the paper trail was you or your wife. Would you want to know, so that when you got up to leave the restaurant all eyes didn't follow you out? A discreet way to have let the woman know there was a problem would have been for you or your wife to have written her a note, and given it to her server to pass to her. That way, she would know there was a problem with the least amount of embarrassment.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Man's Childish Tantrums Leave A Mess For His Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 6th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is nearing 60, throws plates of food at the wall if he gets upset about something. It is usually minor and totally spontaneous. He then leaves it for me to clean up and won't apologize. I am sick of living with a 60-year-old going on 4. What can I do? -- HAD ENOUGH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: How long have you been tolerating your husband's explosive outbursts of temper? Has he been breaking other things, or raising a hand to you?

There are several things you can do. The first is stop cleaning up after him. Eat separately if you have to. You could also warn him that if he doesn't seek help now for his temper that you have had it. If you need my permission to go, I am giving it to you.

Marriage & Divorce

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