life

Woman's Texts to Her Ex Threaten Her Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 11th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a twice-divorced woman who found my present husband late in life. I'm in my early 60s, and my husband is in his 70s. We married quickly because I didn't want to be alone in life and I thought I loved him.

My husband works while I stay at home because of a medical condition. Because I get bored, I spend some of my time communicating with and texting male friends from the past and one of my ex-husbands.

We have fun texting and sometimes it goes a little beyond that. I realize I am married and my ex is engaged, but how harmful can this be? I don't think I'm hurting anyone, and it helps the day go by.

Is this considered cheating? I don't think it is because my ex and I live in different states and the chances of us ever getting together again are slim to none. -- PASSING TIME

DEAR PASSING TIME: This isn't harmless fun; it's a threat to your marriage. Whether I consider it cheating is beside the point. Whether your husband and your ex's fiancee would consider it cheating is the question. If they got wind of your "pastime," I suspect both would be hurt, angry and feel violated. Not only that, you could lose Husband No. 3.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Toddler's Boob Obsession Causes Alarm For Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 11th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old daughter has recently become boob-obsessed. The first thing she does in the morning is point at my chest and say, "Boobs!" If she hugs me, she tries to grab them. Sometimes I catch her staring at my chest in fascination. I scold her when she grabs at them, but it's disturbing.

I never taught her the word "boob" and feel annoyed that she probably learned it from our sitter. When I spoke to the sitter about it, she laughed and said it's perfectly normal and that a lot of kids are boob-obsessed. But it doesn't seem normal to me, and I'm creeped out.

I have started wearing sweatshirts to keep covered up. My little girl has also started grabbing my butt and lifting up my shirt, and I'm nervous about how she's acting around the sitter and other women in the family. Is this behavior normal? -- CREEPED OUT IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Children have been known to act out to get attention. If a parent acts shocked at something the child does or says, the child will repeat the action for its shock value. Because you are concerned that your daughter's behavior isn't normal, the person to discuss this with would be her pediatrician. The doctor can put your fears to rest or alert you if there is something to worry about.

Another thought: Ask your baby sitter to be more circumspect in the language she uses around your child if the word "boob" offends you, because children build their vocabularies repeating the words they hear.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

People With Hearing Loss Can Find Support Online

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 10th, 2014

DEAR ABBY: As the executive director of the Hearing Loss Association of America, may I suggest that "Mortified at the Dinner Table" (March 2), who wrote about her in-laws' poor hearing even with hearing aids, connect with one of our 200-plus local HLAA chapters at www.hearingloss.org? These member-led groups offer emotional support, camaraderie, communication strategies and techniques for living with hearing loss, both for people who have hearing loss as well as their families and friends. Most chapters also share information about assistive listening devices that link via a telecoil found in most modern hearing aids that could greatly enhance her in-laws' hearing around the dinner table.

"Mortified" might also want to accompany her in-laws to a hearing aid evaluation visit at an audiologist's office to learn more about their particular hearing difficulties. There is more to correcting hearing loss than buying hearing aids. Some users benefit from assistive listening devices or from listening training that can be done at home with a personal computer.

By joining HLAA, "Mortified" can receive Hearing Loss Magazine and get the latest information about hearing loss and how to live well with it. -- ANNA GILMORE HALL

DEAR MS. HALL: Thank you for your letter and the information you generously provided. Any reader with hearing loss should check out the HLAA website for a more detailed description of the services it provides. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many people who wear hearing aids find noisy environments problematic. As people age, their ability to understand can be difficult even with hearing aids. As a practicing audiologist, I recommend the following to my patients to help make communication easier.

(1) Test hearing annually so hearing aids can be reprogrammed to current hearing levels if necessary.

(2) Follow up with the audiologist for regular hearing aid maintenance and care.

(3) In restaurants, ask to be seated away from high noise level areas; preferential seating may help.

(4) Reserve confidential discussions for another time and location, which would make them easier for people with hearing loss to understand. -- AUDIOLOGIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: My 91-year-old mother is hard of hearing. I take her out to dinner once a week.

I don't worry about what people around us are thinking. It doesn't matter what she wants to talk about. I'm just glad she's able to get out and converse with others. The conversations at tables near us are sometimes so obnoxious that I'm GLAD my mother can't hear them.

People are normally very courteous about helping me with her, and many have told me they wished their parents were still alive and able to have dinner with them. -- JUDY IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Mortified" was certainly not taking into account the other diners' feelings that this writer was so admirably describing! Everyone around that table paid for -- and deserves -- to have a pleasant dining experience too. This includes not being subjected to others' cellphone conversations, unruly children or excessively loud conversations regardless of their content. -- MARIANNE IN WASHINGTON

Health & Safety
life

Siblings Are Growling Over Cat-Sitting Charges

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 9th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I accepted a request from my brother to watch his cats while he was across the country for a few months. During that time, one of them matured and started marking his territory all over my house. The dilemma was quickly taken care of with a trip to the vet, after permission from my brother.

My brother now insists that because I accepted responsibility for the cats "in every way" in his absence that I shouldn't expect reimbursement for the professional carpet cleaner I rented or the vet bill I paid for neutering the cat.

Am I out of line to expect to be paid back? We have agreed to abide by your response. -- CHRISTINA IN MARYLAND

DEAR CHRISTINA: Tell your brother to start writing the check now. If he'd had to board his cats while he was out of town, it would have cost him a lot more. You were kind to help him out, and he should be ashamed of himself for trying to stiff you. HISSS!

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Barbershop Quartet Is Not Music To Sister-In-Law's Ears

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 9th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is in a barbershop quartet. While I appreciate the artistic effort of what she does, listening to it bores me and I don't enjoy it. I feel like I must go to her recitals because she makes a point of inviting my husband and me.

I have an ethical dilemma. Should I be honest with her and say I don't enjoy sitting through two to three hours of a capella songs? Or should I be true to MYSELF and admit I'd rather stay home and catch up on my reading? What would you do, Abby? -- EARACHE IN IDAHO

DEAR EARACHE: I'd try to be tactful. Instead of saying you would rather stay home and catch up on your reading, say instead that you have "different taste in music" than she does, or that you have other plans. If this would make you feel guilty, consider putting in an appearance every once in a while.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics
life

Found Quarter Triggers Treasured Memory Of Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 9th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My second wife died last year after 39 years of marriage. She had a beautiful, unique sense of humor. Three weeks after her funeral, I was walking our dog on the day that would have been our anniversary. As I bent down to pick up the poop, I spotted a quarter on the ground. It was so tarnished with age I couldn't make out the date. But I remembered your "pennies from heaven" letters, so I picked it up.

I hurried home to clean it to see if it was from the year we were married. I was amazed when I discovered it WAS from the year I was married -- but to my first wife. Like I said, my late wife had a unique sense of humor ... SMILING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SMILING: I'm sorry for your loss. Two things occur to me. The first is that the quarter was your reward for being a responsible dog owner. The second is that your late wife may have been trying to "remind" you that you had a love before her, and you may find another one in the future.

DeathMarriage & Divorce

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