DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with "Jean" ever since grade school. We get along great, except for one thing -- she's a cheapskate! Jean is single and still lives with her parents; I am a single mother living on my own. We earn about the same amount of money.

Whenever Jean is invited out for drinks, she brings only enough cash for one drink, and then comments loudly that she doesn't have enough money on her for another one and waits until someone offers to pay for it. When going out to eat, she eats at home first, and then asks to "sample" everyone else's food. If she wants to see a movie, she makes sure to bring a date to pay for her ticket.

I think her stingy behavior is keeping her from having serious relationships because she expects to pay for nothing. It has reached the point where I don't want to do anything with her because of her penny-pinching ways. Mutual friends have asked me to speak to her. What can I say to keep my friendship intact? -- SEPARATE CHECKS, PLEASE, IN OHIO

DEAR SEPARATE CHECKS: Because you have reached the point that your relationship with Jean is in jeopardy, talk with her about how her behavior has affected you. But do not allow yourself to be the appointed spokeswoman for anyone else. And unless you know for a fact that her stingy behavior is keeping her from having serious relationships with men, keep it to yourself.

In the future, if you go out with Jean and she says she didn't bring enough money for a second drink, allow her to suffer the consequences. And when she asks to "sample" what you're eating, tell her calmly you'd rather she didn't. I agree that when behavior like hers becomes a pattern -- and the person is able to pay but is mooching -- that it's obnoxious. But it won't be corrected by enabling her, and that is what everyone has been doing.

DEAR ABBY: Because I'm a florist, my niece asked me to do the flowers for her wedding. I gladly agreed.

"Misty" put the priest through a lot to make this a very special occasion. She hadn't attended church prior to the wedding. When the priest asked Misty for a contribution to the church for having her wedding there, she was miffed. I asked her, "Who do you think pays the utilities and upkeep for the church for one-time users like you?" She hasn't spoken to me since! Was I wrong? -- MIFFED MYSELF IN NEW YORK

DEAR MIFFED: Wrong? You gave your niece a dose of reality, and stated it very well. It appears Misty has some growing up to do. Perhaps when her "bridal fever" subsides, she will realize that life isn't one freebie after another, and offer the apology she owes you.

P.S. I hope she thanked you for the flowers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the middle child. Our father died in the Gulf War. None of us really knew him, but my younger sister, "Delia," has no memory of him at all.

She has been acting out for years now, and has broken our mother's heart more times than I can count. Whenever she messes up, she blames it on not knowing our father and the life she "could" have led.

It has been 20 years, Abby! The past is the past. Delia continues to ruin her future and blame our mom. It has Mom wondering why she was able to survive this crisis 20 years ago but can't manage to deal with my sister.

I think Delia may have a chemical imbalance, or just never dealt with our father's death. How do you convince someone to get help? How do you make her see that Dad died so she could enjoy the many freedoms of America? -- DRAINED IN DELAWARE

DEAR DRAINED: I'm sorry for your family's loss, but we are all responsible for our own behavior and our own emotions. You can't force "help" on your dysfunctional sister. Before she'll be willing to accept that she needs it, she will have to accept that SHE has been responsible for her own mistakes and behavior. If your father had lived, her life might not have been any different than it is.

The person who COULD use some professional help might be your mother. Counseling might help her to quit trying to rescue her adult daughter, or blaming herself for the problems Delia has created for herself. I'm not saying it will be easy -- letting go rarely is. But it might improve her emotional and physical health.

DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive, physically fit, well-educated, 41-year-old divorced woman with two young children. Recently a co-worker I have known for several months asked me to accompany him on a weekend hiking trip. (He's 23.) After a few conversations, he confessed that he was "deeply in love" with me and hoped we could begin a "serious relationship."

Abby, he's mature, good-looking, financially independent and has a great sense of humor. I'm attracted to him. Should I pursue this relationship, or wait until I'm attracted to someone closer to my own age? Help! -- A.S. IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR A.S.: Whoa! Slow down. Regardless of the age difference, an overnight first date (with a co-worker, yet) seems like an awfully speedy beginning to me. If you're smart, start with a coffee date, graduate to a dinner date, and pursue the relationship from there. Only time will tell if this is the real thing.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband was arrested for being with a hooker. My in-laws (whom I love and adore) bailed him out of jail. No one said a word about it to me. I don't know how to confront all of them with the fact that I know about this "dirty little secret." What should I do? -- BETRAYED WIFE

DEAR BETRAYED: First, visit your gynecologist and ask to be tested for every STD known to man. Then invite your in-laws to a "family dinner," tell them the cat is out of the bag and ask why this was kept from you. And while you're at it, ask your mother-in-law (whom you love and adore) how SHE would feel if your father-in-law had possibly exposed her to an STD and it had been kept from her. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

DEAR ABBY: I'll bet this is an issue in many homes. When my son "Chet" graduated from high school, we gave him a very nice graduation party, which included his friends and family. He received many gifts.

I gave my son thank-you cards, stamps, and a detailed list of whom to send the cards to. So far, he has refused. Chet is normally thoughtful and considerate. I don't know what to do. I'm embarrassed by his lack of gratitude. I have told him we have received thank-yous from his friends and that the cards can be brief. Should I send the thank-you notes myself, or just let it go? -- EMBARRASSED MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM: If the amount of mail I receive from readers complaining that their gifts are not acknowledged is an accurate barometer, your problem is very common. Without being confrontational, ask your son why he refuses to thank the people who gave him gifts. If the answer is he doesn't know what to say and he's embarrassed that he has procrastinated, offer to help him by making suggestions. You're right; the thank-yous don't have to be lengthy. But DO NOT write them for him. Chet is a big boy and the responsibility is his.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced, single woman in my 50s. I love my grandchildren dearly but am faced with a dilemma. I work full-time and take my grandchildren some nights and on the one day I have off -- usually on weekends.

I can't plan things on a weekend without feeling I have made it difficult for my son and his wife to find someone to watch their children. Her mom, a stay-at-home wife, watches them several days a week.

I want to continue spending time with my grandkids, but I also want the freedom to be there when I choose to be. I realize finding a sitter you can afford and trust to watch your children is a challenge. I have tried talking to my son, but it doesn't seem to get through to him. I know I need to do something, but what? I'm afraid I won't see the kids at all if I take a stand. -- LADY ON THE LAKE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LADY: Check your calendar and plan some time for yourself -- one or two weekends a month. Then tell your son and his wife which ones you will be AVAILABLE. Free baby-sitting services are hard to come by, and you are not giving yourself enough credit. If the unspoken threat is that it's "all or nothing," then, frankly, you should step back further and let your son and daughter-in-law shoulder even more responsibility for the children they brought into this world.