DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mike," and I are young newlyweds and adjusting to our new life quite well. However, while we both come from deeply religious families, we are both nonbelievers, which has caused some strife within the family.

Mike has several nieces and nephews (ages 4 to 9) who have asked us repeatedly why we don't go to church with them, since the whole family attends together. Their mother has made it clear that they do not want the children knowing there is another option besides Christianity, and I understand, since their faith is so important to them. But I don't want to lie to the kids or ignore their questions. Is there a tactful way to answer their questions without stepping on toes? -- NEVER ON SUNDAY

DEAR NEVER: You could respond by saying, "Your uncle and I have other plans." And if the kids ask what they are, tell them what you plan to do that day. If they ask why you don't come to church like they do, tell them that because they are children they need to learn about their religion. When they are adults, they can choose to go -- or not.

While I respect your in-laws' desire to practice their faith, I think it is unrealistic to try to keep children in the dark because as soon as they hit school -- unless they are home-schooled or in a church-run school -- they are going to meet other kids who worship differently or not at all.

DEAR ABBY: I am a male victim of domestic violence. I was traumatized for five years at the hands of my ex. I suffered through name-calling, physical and sexual abuse. Once, when she was upset, she hit me with her car and dragged me across our parking lot.

I tried several times to leave only to find that in my community there was no help for men in situations like mine. There are women's shelters everywhere, but none that cater to men and their children. I ended up having to return home, and things just got worse.

I finally left with the shirt on my back and a few belongings. Because I couldn't find help, I slept on the street.

I am now a survivor and attending school to become a social worker. I have been trying to raise awareness of men as abuse victims, but it's an uphill battle. Why? -- EMPOWERED IN CENTRAL WISCONSIN

DEAR EMPOWERED: It's probably because of outdated gender stereotypes and lack of awareness by the law enforcement in your community that women as well as men can be psychopaths. When your wife ran you down in the parking lot, she should have wound up behind bars, assuming the police were called.

While female-on-male domestic violence is reported less often than male-on-female violence, it does happen, as anyone who reads my column regularly knows. Men who need help should call the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women -- the toll-free number is 888-743-5754 -- because help is available.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend and I don't drink. Almost every person my age does, and it's starting to get to me. I'd love to have friends besides my boyfriend I can hang out with, but I find that I only connect with him because everyone else always wants to go out and party. He is an introvert, so the seclusion doesn't bother him. I, on the other hand, am greatly bothered by it.

I have always been ahead of the curve in terms of people my age. I have more in common with 30-year-olds than people in college. Unfortunately, I would feel weird spending time with 30-year-olds, and I'm sure they'd feel the same about spending time with me. Most of my spare time is spent with my family. They just seem to get me.

How can I find people my age who think the way I do? I don't want to be the kind of girl who only spends time with her boyfriend. I would appreciate other relationships. -- LIZ IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LIZ: I agree that it's time to expand your circle of acquaintances. That's why I'm advising you to join a gym or some other physical activity group and start meeting people who are involved in physical fitness. None of the ones I know want to spend their time drinking and partying because they are more interested in eating and living healthfully. I'm sure if you try it, you will meet others who think the way you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15, and all of my friends my age and a grade lower have their belly buttons pierced. I have been asking my mom for a very long time and she doesn't have a problem with it, but my dad does. He won't let me get it done because he doesn't want me looking like trash at this age.

I don't want it to impress boys; I want it for my own beauty and to look good with a cute jewel to go with my summer outfits or bathing suits. They said to ask you if you think it's wrong to have a belly button pierced at the age of 15. Is it wrong? -- KYLIE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR KYLIE: I don't think that having a belly button pierced is a question of right or wrong. I suspect that your father's objection -- and I'm not sure I disagree with him -- is that he would prefer you make an impression by attracting attention in some other way. I'm suggesting you hold off for now and have it done when you're older -- providing you haven't changed your mind by then.

DEAR ABBY: 1. What do you call a person who is neither a morning lark nor a night owl? (That's me.)

2. What do you call someone who is neither a giver nor a taker? (That's me, too.)

Your answers will help me win a delicious meal! -- INQUISITIVE IN OTTAWA

DEAR INQUISITIVE: A person who is neither a lark nor a night owl is called a robin. Someone who is neither a giver nor a taker is probably a loner.

DEAR ABBY: I love my daughter-in-law and I am afraid she is harming herself because of her addiction to tanning. Her boys are in high school and cannot remember their mother without a really dark tan. One son told his classmates in grade school that his mother was African-American when they were doing African-American studies. (She's Caucasian.)

My son says he cannot convince her to "lighten up" a bit. I don't know what to do. I am ... SO CONCERNED FOR HER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SO CONCERNED: You are right to be concerned for your daughter-in-law. For years, dermatologists have cautioned the public about the dangers of exposure to the sun. With the invention of tanning beds, the rates of melanoma among young people have soared. For anyone who isn't aware, melanoma is an aggressive type of skin cancer that can be fatal.

Tanning can be addictive, and you should urge your daughter-in-law to discuss this with a dermatologist. Because tanning also causes premature aging of the skin, she should explore "sunless tanning," which is much safer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18. My boyfriend, "Matt," and I have been together for a year and a half, and I'm leaving for college this fall. Matt will be attending community college nearby.

I have been told that the next four years are the best years of life, and I want to live them to the fullest. In order to do that, I want to be single so I can have a good time and be a little reckless without worrying about him.

I love Matt and would one day like to marry him, but since he's only my third boyfriend, I want to find out what other fish are in the sea before I settle down. What should I do? -- WANTS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

DEAR WANTS THE BEST: The kindest thing to do would be to tell Matt that while you care deeply for him, because you are going to be separated for the next four years, you feel both of you should be free to date others. That's a lot more tactful than saying you'll still be there if there aren't any bigger fish in the sea, and I'm sure it will get the idea across.

Whether or not the next four years will be the best years of your life -- one would hope you have more than four -- they will be an important growth period for both you and Matt, and each of you should explore them to the fullest without being encumbered.

DEAR ABBY: We play softball at school a lot, and I can't play well. I don't know what to do, and the others laugh at me. What should I do? -- ANXIOUS FOR ADVICE

DEAR ANXIOUS: I know of no athlete, amateur or professional, who can become proficient at a sport without lots of practice. Talk to your coach about what you need to do to improve, and see if another adult would be willing to play catch and pitch to you. If you keep trying, you will improve. If not, there may be another sport you will like better.