DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and entering my junior year of high school. My boyfriend, "Jonah," and I have been dating for almost a year and we would like to become sexually active, but I'm scared condoms won't cut it. I have tried talking to my mom about it, but she doesn't think I should go on birth control.

Abby, I'm just trying to keep the risk of getting pregnant as low as possible. I'm not sure my mom understands that. What should I do? I know for sure my mother will find out if I go to my doctor and talk privately about this with her. Please help me because I'm just trying to protect myself. -- PRACTICAL TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR PRACTICAL TEEN: You appear to be a levelheaded young woman who is trying to make mature decisions. Discussing sex with parents can be difficult -- not only for you, but also for them.

If you are willing to talk about this with your mother again, try using a magazine, a TV show or my column as a jumping-off point to start the conversation. Sometimes it may take more than one talk to feel comfortable disclosing your personal feelings and intentions.

You should be able to get confidential health services from your doctor or another health care provider. Depending upon where you live, however, parental permission may be needed. You will have to check to find out.

In terms of birth control methods, hormonal birth control is effective when used correctly. But using hormonal birth control and a condom TOGETHER offers the best protection from both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

For many years, I have recommended Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org) for reproductive health services, which include information, contraception, testing and education about a full range of options for women, men and teens across the United States. Its services are confidential and comply with relevant laws, which may vary from state to state.

Some Planned Parenthood centers scale their charges according to income, and most accept health insurance. Your local Planned Parenthood health center can give you specific information about costs and policies. If you qualify, Medicaid or other state programs may lower the costs.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's bad that my two girls don't see their father? I don't keep them from him. He's welcome to see them, but he is now remarried and has never asked for them. He left our household 10 years ago.

To be honest, the girls don't even talk about him anymore. Is it OK to let them go on with their lives with the family members who are in it? -- NEW MEXICO MOMMY

DEAR NEW MEXICO MOMMY: It's sad that your daughters have no relationship with their father. However, because he has shown no interest in having one with them, you have no option but to let them go on with their lives.

The question that comes to mind is, has he been supporting the girls financially? If the answer is no, you should have gotten a lawyer involved 10 years ago.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I, after many long years of school, advanced degrees and work in the corporate world, are now retired. We are (we hope) financially secure.

Both of us have siblings who were less successful for various reasons. What obligation do hardworking people have toward their less successful siblings, especially one who has been a freeloader his entire life?

"Rusty" sponged off his aging parents to keep from having to earn a decent living. We feel sorry for him, but it's the bed he made for himself years ago when he took shortcuts. We're afraid if we give him a hand, he'll expect an arm next time.

As far as I'm concerned, only Rusty's laziness prevents him from getting a part-time job to help pay the bills. If we give him money, we'll have to do it for the other siblings on both sides.

I know this sounds uncharitable, but we worked for 40 years and struggled through everything life had to throw at us. We saved every penny we could and invested wisely. How do we deal with family members who can take care of themselves, but don't? -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You decide on a case-by-case basis, unless all of your family members are like Rusty. And if they are, you sympathize, but don't subsidize.

DEAR ABBY: Most of my childhood was spent with my grandparents, who raised me until I moved out at 21. I have always regarded them as my true parents because they were always there for me.

My biological parents were also a part of my life. I would visit them on weekends. I love them, too, and appreciate that they allowed me to have a stable childhood with my grandparents.

I am engaged to be married next summer, and I need to decide who should walk me down the aisle. I'd like my grandfather to have that honor, but I don't want to hurt my father by not asking him to do it.

What should I do when the time comes to make the decision? -- NAMELESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NAMELESS: Consider asking both of them to walk you down the aisle. I'm sure it would touch not only their hearts, but also those of your guests to see you honor your grandfather, who was your "weekDAY father," as well as your dad, your "weekEND father."

DEAR ABBY: Organized religion has caused me many difficulties throughout my life. I would like to distance myself from it as much as possible. I consider myself a "religious independent." I believe in God, but I don't believe organized religion has anything to do with God.

My question concerns my funeral. Since a funeral is an organized religious ceremony, is it possible to have one without clergy being present? Have you heard of anything like this, and what would you suggest? -- WASHINGTON, D.C., READER

DEAR READER: Instead of a funeral, many people choose to have a "celebration of life," independent from religion. Make sure your family and friends understand your wishes, then talk to a funeral home director and make pre-planning arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: Our niece "Bonnie" has severe attachment problems. She still lives in her parents' home and is well into her 50s. Her father passed away several years ago, and her mother seems to be her only friend.

Bonnie has never had a serious relationship and has spent her life at one job and with her parents. Vacations and holidays have been spent with them only. Bonnie rarely accepts an invitation unless her mom is invited, does not communicate unless we reach out to her first and is very private about the smallest details in her life.

Her mother is aging and we are wondering how Bonnie will manage once her mom is gone. How do we approach someone who seriously needs help and guidance? -- CARING AUNT IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR CARING AUNT: I can think of two ways. The first would be to discuss this privately with Bonnie's mother and ask if there is anything she would like you to do for her daughter in the event of a serious illness or her death. It is a legitimate question if Bonnie is unable to live independently, and her mother might appreciate that you cared enough to ask.

The second would be to reach out to Bonnie in the event that something does happen to her mother, and let her know that you love her and will be there for her if she needs you. Keep in mind that you cannot force help on anyone who is unwilling to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and in the sixth grade. I am very self-conscious. Every girl in my grade has a bigger chest than me, and I am feeling insecure because mine isn't developed.

I know I am young, but I want to fit in. Every day I feel horrible about myself. Can you help? -- INSECURE 6TH GRADER

DEAR INSECURE: I'll try. No two people are alike, and our bodies do not develop at the same time. For some girls, it happens sooner and they begin to develop breasts as early as age 9. For others, it doesn't happen until they are in their teens.

Your value should not be measured by your chest size. Believe me, the size of your IQ is far more important. The kind of person you are is more important.

Big chests have a way of falling sooner or later. So work on your grades and your personality right now. If you do, in time you'll not only catch up to these girls, you will surpass them in the qualities that matter most. You're fine just the way you are.

DEAR ABBY: When spending thousands of dollars to attend a destination wedding, are you expected to give a gift to the bride and groom? -- JENNIFER IN NEW YORK

DEAR JENNIFER: Yes, but after shelling out "thousands" to attend a wedding, it does not have to be an expensive one. A token gift to mark the occasion would be enough.