DEAR ABBY: My father passed away recently. Flowers and plants were sent to the funeral home. After the funeral mass, the flowers were sent to the cemetery for the gravesite services. Afterward, I was asked to go to the funeral home to pick them up.

When I arrived, I saw my sister-in-law taking the plant her employer had sent into her car. She said it was HER plant. The next day, my other sister-in-law went to my mother's house to retrieve the plant HER company had sent.

Abby, I have never heard of this. I thought that because the flowers and plants had been sent to my mother, it should be up to her to decide whether or not she wants to distribute them. After all, she's the one suffering the greatest loss. What is the proper procedure for plants to be distributed after a funeral? -- CHRISTINE IN MISSOURI

DEAR CHRISTINE: The plants should be shared. Your mother is not the only person who is grieving. Your sisters-in-law are married to the sons of the deceased, so they should have the plants their employers sent to the funeral.

When there are more flowers and plants than the family can enjoy, people often have them delivered to nursing homes or homes for the elderly or disabled, where they can lend a burst of color and good cheer.

P.S. Thank-yous to the senders should be sent by your sisters-in-law for the plants they took.

DEAR ABBY: It seems strange to write to you, but I'd like to share this story about how small acts of kindness can multiply.

On a dark, miserable afternoon, I was out grocery shopping. The woman in line in front of me had two small children and two full carts of groceries. When all her bags were loaded, she began frantically searching in her purse for her car keys. When she couldn't find them, she realized that, in her haste, she had locked them inside her car. I asked if I could drive her home to get a spare key and she agreed.

I helped her into her house with her bags of groceries, then drove them all back to the store for her car. "How can I ever thank you?" she asked. My reply was, "No thanks are needed; just pass it on."

Two weeks later, I was at a party when a couple walked into the living room and the woman excitedly said, "There she is!" It was the woman from the market. She rushed over and proceeded to tell everyone how we met.

Then she said she'd had her chance to "pass it on." I asked what she told the person who had thanked HER, and she said, "I said what you did, 'No thanks are needed -- pass it on!'"

Small kindnesses bring big rewards. If anyone has been the recipient of an act of kindness, remember to pass it on. It's the Golden Rule.

Thanks, Dear Abby -- you "pass on" kindness with each column you write. -- LIVING THE GOLDEN RULE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LIVING THE GOLDEN RULE: I am a firm believer in passing it on and have long shared that philosophy with friends. However, regardless of how long you preach, the best sermon is a good example.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in a loving relationship with another woman. My family has been harsh in their remarks to me, saying they would rather I was dead than doing this, or that I should move away if this is the way I am going to live.

I have been married twice. Neither marriage worked out. During my childhood, I was molested by a family member. Since then, I have been scared of men and don't want to be around them. I have had crushes on women in the past, but didn't tell my family because I'm a 30-year-old adult and I felt it was none of their business.

I keep asking myself if my attraction to my lover was a choice, but I don't remember "choosing" this. All I remember is falling for her and not wanting to look back. Should I end this relationship and live alone forever? I never want to be with another man as long as I live. -- ACHING IN AMARILLO

DEAR ACHING: Because your family is so unaccepting of your sexual orientation, it would be interesting to know how they view your molester. Did you tell anyone what happened, and did you receive counseling about it? If the answer is you didn't, then PLEASE consider getting some now to help you deal with any residual issues because you appear to have a few -- like your fear of and aversion to all men.

What your family said was cruel and uncalled-for. It's apparent they know nothing about homosexuality. There is a chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) about two hours away from your community, located in Lubbock. You can find it online at pflaglubbock.org. It can provide information to help you build bridges of understanding with your family.

Assuming the feelings you have for this woman are reciprocated, the two of you might be happier moving to a community that is more welcoming. Texas is a big, diverse state and Dallas, Houston or Austin might be a better fit for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl who has been told many times that I'm very mature for my age. Unfortunately, I'm TOO mature. What I want most in the world is sex appeal. I long for the perfect sex-crazed boyfriend. What can I do about this craving? -- BEYOND MY YEARS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BEYOND: The first thing you should do about this "craving" is learn all you can about birth control and self-control, because the "perfect sex-crazed boyfriend" could get you -- and himself -- into a world of trouble. At 13, you should be focused on sports and getting into and out of high school with a diploma.

Whoever told you you are mature for your age must have meant physically, because when a girl's No. 1 desire in the world is sex appeal and a sex-crazed boyfriend, it is not a sign of EMOTIONAL maturity.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I made a beautiful welcome wreath for my friend to hang on her front door. After all this time, it's still sitting in a box in her basement. If she doesn't like it, I would like to ask for it back, so I can use and enjoy it. Abby, can I do this? What could I say? -- LORRIE IN FLORIDA

DEAR LORRIE: It has always been my belief that once a gift has been given, it's inappropriate to ask for it back. However, if you feel comfortable enough with your friend to do so, tell her exactly what you told me: That since she has never used the wreath, you would like to have it for your own front door.

DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old son, "Wayne," who is single, has a 3-year-old son. We didn't learn about the child until he was more than a year old, when Wayne was asked to take a paternity test. Luckily, we have been able to form a good relationship with our grandson's mother and see him often. However, our son has shown no interest. He pays child support, but has little interaction.

Wayne is an only child. I love him, but I never wanted another one. I was never comfortable around or interested in young children except for my own son. Could he have gotten this from me?

Friends and family have commented on Wayne's lack of interest in his son, and I'm tired of making excuses or telling people to mind their own business. Wayne says he feels resentment and doesn't want to be around this child. I have tried to explain that he'll regret it in years to come, but he won't listen.

My husband is appalled that our son would act this way, but he seems to forget that I was the one who did everything with Wayne. I did the Boy Scouts, movies, horses, trips, etc. He did almost nothing with Wayne and his friends. At this point, I don't know what to do and would like some advice. -- MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MOM: Your son is displacing his anger at himself onto his son. He should have used birth control and he knows it. It's not fair, but Wayne does not appear to be the most mature of 23-year-olds.

Rather than blame yourself for the fact that he wants no involvement, consider that children usually model themselves after their same-gender parent. Because your husband was so uninvolved with Wayne, it is possible that Wayne has no idea of what a father's role ought to be. A parenting class could fix this -- if your son is willing to take one.

Until then, continue to be the supportive and loving grandparents your grandson needs because, aside from his mother, it appears you're all the backup the little boy has.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a troubled family. I am just now realizing that there is more to life than posting bond for family members and getting people out of jail at 3 a.m. I got my GED and started college this year. Although I try to keep them at bay, they call me with one family crisis or another, and it's putting stress on everyone around me.

I'd love to have a positive relationship with my family, but drama seems to follow them everywhere. Should I just let them go and move on with my life, or continue doing the same as always? Must I drop everything I'm doing to jump and run every time the phone rings? -- FAMILY DRAMA IN TEXAS

DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: Every time you come to the rescue, you further enable your relatives to do whatever it is that has gotten them in hot water. That you have managed to separate yourself to the extent you have, and achieve to the level you have reached, is admirable. But if you're going to continue to accomplish your goals, you cannot allow your family to distract you from your studies. Set limits. Let them know when you can't be disturbed and turn your phone off. They'll survive and you'll thrive.