DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with a problem. Because of my buzzed short hair, slim hips and flat chest, I frequently get mistaken for a boy. It really bothers me because, despite my haircut and body shape, I have a feminine face and I wear women's clothes and makeup. I'm not too much of a tomboy.

Sometimes when someone addresses me with a male pronoun or in some other way mistakes me for a male, I'm too nervous to correct them. Is there a clever or witty way to correct the mistake? -- NOT A BOY IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR NOT A BOY: The person who made the mistake is the one who should be embarrassed, not you. If it happens again, all you need to do is smile and say, "I'm all girl."

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman, and I am considering proposing to her. We have discussed engagement rings and she wants to design her own, which I think is great. However, I am unsure exactly what to do regarding the actual proposal. What ring should I give her, knowing that whatever I give her will not be her ultimate engagement ring? -- SOON TO POP THE QUESTION

DEAR SOON TO POP: Marriage proposals happen in many situations and in many ways. There are no rules, and dropping to one knee and offering a ring is optional. The engagement does not begin when a woman starts wearing a ring; it begins when she accepts the proposal. All you need to do is say, "Will you marry me?" When she says yes, you can then decide when you both would like to select a stone for her engagement ring.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend asked me to be executor of her estate a few years ago, and I agreed. As time has passed, the details of the estate have changed several times. After the recent death of her husband, she again changed the beneficiaries and is now leaving almost half a million dollars to two animal shelters.

It's her money to do with as she chooses, and I don't judge her. I do, however, have a problem executing an estate that gives that much money to animal care when it could help so many people. I don't fault her for wanting to do it; I just don't want to be part of it. I'm afraid asking her to find another executor would damage or end our friendship. Please tell me what to do. -- DILEMMA IN TEXAS

DEAR DILEMMA: Let's face it. You ARE judging the woman and you DO fault her for wanting to leave a fortune to four-footed needy creatures instead of bipeds. Because you are uncomfortable with her plan, you must tell her she needs to find another executor who is as committed to animal causes as she is. You'll be doing her a favor.

DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with an assistant who keeps calling me a "brownnoser"? She did it again yesterday at a staff meeting in front of my boss and another assistant. It was the third time she has said it. She is gruff and rude, and several people have complained to me about her attitude.

Should I address her comments during her next employee evaluation, or would it be better to speak to her privately? -- THE BOSS IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR BOSS: Talk to her privately and tell her what she said is insulting, not funny and you don't want it to be repeated. Then, put a note about her disrespectful attitude and poor judgment in her personnel file. And by all means revisit the subject at her next evaluation. She should also be made aware that people have complained about her rudeness.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to ask your readers -- especially women -- what is the one thing they feel is "make or break" in a relationship. A few months ago I divorced a man who was so disrespectful I don't think anyone in the world can match him.

As it turns out, I did myself a huge favor. Everything else -- trust, compromise and honesty -- is important in a relationship, but if there is no respect, it falls apart. That is what happened to me.

Abby, am I correct about respect being the most important aspect of a partnership? -- DESERVING IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR DESERVING: I think so, and I'm sure most readers will agree. When people respect each other, it follows that there will be honesty, trust and a willingness to compromise. Without these components, relationships usually don't last -- or they shouldn't.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I spent a lot of money flying to our grandnephew's bar mitzvah. We stayed in a hotel and spent the weekend celebrating with the family.

During the last event, a Sunday brunch, my wife was approached by her penny-pinching sister -- the grandmother -- who asked her to co-sponsor the brunch. My wife, who is naive regarding financial matters, agreed without consulting me.

A few days later, we received an email with an amount that is far more than I want to pay. Had I known in advance, we would have skipped the brunch. How should we proceed? -- ON THE HOOK IN AUSTIN

DEAR ON THE HOOK: Your sister-in-law is a walking definition of the word "chutzpah." Your wife was wrong to obligate you without first making sure you agreed. That said, you have two choices: Refuse to share the cost of the brunch, which will embarrass your wife and cause hard feelings in the family, or grit your teeth, write a check and hope your wife has learned an expensive lesson.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old wife and mother of four. I'm concerned about my husband. He is 44 and drinks at home every evening after work.

I don't mind him having a few cans of beer, but he drinks between six and 12 a day. He refuses to see a doctor for checkups or when he is sick. I am worried about his health. The drinking could have an impact, and I would like him to have a physical exam to put my mind at ease.

I tell my husband I want him to take care of himself to live longer for our children's sake (our youngest is 4). At times, we argue about it, and I'm tired of fighting over his drinking. His response is, "At least I do it at home and not at the bar."

I think he is being selfish and thinking only of himself. He talks about "pride." How can I get him to cut down on his drinking or see a doctor as needed? -- WORRIED WIFE IN GUAM

DEAR WIFE: Your husband is an alcoholic. He may not want to see a doctor because he knows what the doctor will tell him. It is important that you understand you cannot control another person's behavior, and the only person who can "get" your husband to stop drinking or cut down is him.

For your own emotional well-being, I'm advising you to contact Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a fellowship of family members and friends of alcoholics, and it was created to help people just like you. Visit Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org, call 888-4AL-ANON or email wso@al-anon.org. You may also want to contact your department of mental health services for guidance. I can't guarantee that it will help with your husband's illness -- because alcoholism is one -- but it will help you to cope.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and in middle school. We have a program called an iPad Pilot Program in which students are given an iPad for a year to use in daily classroom activities. I'm a responsible honor student, yet somehow some scratches appeared on it one day.

My parents are really tight with money. I'm afraid if I tell them, I'll get in trouble. I have some video games I don't play anymore that I can sell to fix the scratches, but if I do, my parents will find out. I guess I don't want them to be upset or think I'm irresponsible. Please tell me what to do. -- IN A BIND

DEAR IN A BIND: Some wear and tear on items that are issued to students is to be expected. Stop stalling and tell your parents what happened. They are going to find out eventually, and it is better that they hear it from you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved into a lovely house located not far from a funeral home. From time to time, funeral processions pass by my house.

Is there a way for an outsider to quietly pay respects without making the people in the procession uncomfortable? I feel bad ignoring them and just going about my business. I don't wear hats, or I'd remove it. I'm also not Catholic, so the sign of the cross doesn't seem appropriate. Any ideas? -- RESPECTFUL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR RESPECTFUL: While no gesture is required, if you happen to be outside when a funeral procession passes by, pause from what you're doing and place your right hand over your heart to acknowledge the mourners' grief. I'm sure your thoughtfulness will be appreciated.