DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old wife and mother of four. I'm concerned about my husband. He is 44 and drinks at home every evening after work.

I don't mind him having a few cans of beer, but he drinks between six and 12 a day. He refuses to see a doctor for checkups or when he is sick. I am worried about his health. The drinking could have an impact, and I would like him to have a physical exam to put my mind at ease.

I tell my husband I want him to take care of himself to live longer for our children's sake (our youngest is 4). At times, we argue about it, and I'm tired of fighting over his drinking. His response is, "At least I do it at home and not at the bar."

I think he is being selfish and thinking only of himself. He talks about "pride." How can I get him to cut down on his drinking or see a doctor as needed? -- WORRIED WIFE IN GUAM

DEAR WIFE: Your husband is an alcoholic. He may not want to see a doctor because he knows what the doctor will tell him. It is important that you understand you cannot control another person's behavior, and the only person who can "get" your husband to stop drinking or cut down is him.

For your own emotional well-being, I'm advising you to contact Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a fellowship of family members and friends of alcoholics, and it was created to help people just like you. Visit Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org, call 888-4AL-ANON or email wso@al-anon.org. You may also want to contact your department of mental health services for guidance. I can't guarantee that it will help with your husband's illness -- because alcoholism is one -- but it will help you to cope.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and in middle school. We have a program called an iPad Pilot Program in which students are given an iPad for a year to use in daily classroom activities. I'm a responsible honor student, yet somehow some scratches appeared on it one day.

My parents are really tight with money. I'm afraid if I tell them, I'll get in trouble. I have some video games I don't play anymore that I can sell to fix the scratches, but if I do, my parents will find out. I guess I don't want them to be upset or think I'm irresponsible. Please tell me what to do. -- IN A BIND

DEAR IN A BIND: Some wear and tear on items that are issued to students is to be expected. Stop stalling and tell your parents what happened. They are going to find out eventually, and it is better that they hear it from you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved into a lovely house located not far from a funeral home. From time to time, funeral processions pass by my house.

Is there a way for an outsider to quietly pay respects without making the people in the procession uncomfortable? I feel bad ignoring them and just going about my business. I don't wear hats, or I'd remove it. I'm also not Catholic, so the sign of the cross doesn't seem appropriate. Any ideas? -- RESPECTFUL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR RESPECTFUL: While no gesture is required, if you happen to be outside when a funeral procession passes by, pause from what you're doing and place your right hand over your heart to acknowledge the mourners' grief. I'm sure your thoughtfulness will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with "Victor" for several years. Recently I began to suspect he was cheating. What raised my suspicion was that I suddenly couldn't reach him on the weekends. Usually we would Skype -- Sunday night for me, Monday morning for him.

Last February when I visited him, I snooped in his phone -- spare me the condemnation. I found an email he had written to an old girlfriend in which he suggested they plan their "next" rendezvous.

I plan on dumping him, but I don't know how to go about it. I've always been bad at dumping people. Should I write him a letter and confess that I snooped? My first inclination is to disconnect completely and say nothing.

I'm afraid to confront him because he is obviously a good liar. I'm afraid if I do, he'll make me doubt the evidence ... trust me, he's that good! -- CHEATED ON IN L.A.

DEAR CHEATED ON: Why any woman would stay with someone who is a practiced liar ("that good") is beyond me. My advice is to disconnect from him and say nothing. It should be interesting to see how long it takes him to notice your absence.

When he does -- which probably won't be on a weekend -- tell him the romance is over and reference the email he sent his former girlfriend. Expect him to go on the offensive and try to make you feel guilty for having checked his cellphone. Don't buy it, and don't relent. Just be glad you found out now.

DEAR ABBY: Every time I talk to anyone, my husband says I give too many details. While I understand that men are different from women, he often bugs me when I talk to female friends or my mother-in-law. I don't know what to do, because we women love to talk and share details. Please reassure me that I'm not an oddity. -- TALKIN' UP A STORM

DEAR TALKIN' UP A STORM: You're not an oddity, and your husband should not be eavesdropping on your conversations. He should be glad that you and his mother get along so well that you both enjoy sharing details, because it's a sign of a healthy relationship. However, because he can't resist "bugging" you, converse with your friends and his mother when you're out of earshot.

DEAR ABBY: I read your Jan. 8 column about the warning signs of an abuser. Would you use your influence to say that men are also victims of abuse?

My son was in a three-year relationship with a woman who scored 15 out of 15 on your list. We knew it was a toxic relationship, but he couldn't see that.

The night he came to us for help, battered and bloody, I finally took a stand. It took six months to get her out of his life. My son was ashamed to be a battered man, and she had told him that men who call 911 go to jail. It kept him from calling.

Please, Abby, help to change that. If you use this, please keep me anonymous. He thinks I'm an "interfering mom," but at least he's not being abused anymore. I love him and miss him terribly. -- INTERFERING MOM

DEAR MOM: I'm glad you wrote so I can emphasize that abusers can be members of both sexes, from every economic level and sexual orientation. I received a TON of mail about this:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for including both "he and she" in the warning signs of abusers. My second marriage was a sad and unhealthy rebound affair. My ex was attractive, talented and host to multiple addictions -- risky sexual encounters with men and women, cocaine, alcohol and marijuana. I became aware of her blackouts and outrageous behavior just before our wedding.

I finally left after two years to avoid committing a crime in response to her physical abuse, chronic infidelities, psychological cruelty and pathological intoxication. Please urge men to report their abusers, file charges and flee bad situations! I had no way of knowing what lay ahead for me back then.

Do you have advice for other men contemplating marriage to a pretty party girl? Today I'm happily married to a deeply beautiful and noble woman, and grateful to have found her. -- SET FREE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SET FREE: I think you've stated it well. All I can add is that men who suffer physical abuse at the hands of a partner should go to an emergency room for treatment so their injuries can be documented, then file a formal complaint and end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: Gay people need to read those warning signs because abusers abound in the gay community, too. I have gay and lesbian friends who were involved with abusers. Gay and lesbian centers offer counseling for this. LGBT people face the same problems as straights do. -- MIKE IN DAYTONA

DEAR ABBY: I spent four years in a relationship before I realized I was being abused. My lady friend pushed for a lifelong commitment within a month of our meeting, was jealous and controlling, shut my friends out, cursed and hit me on more than one occasion and, when I protested, she'd say she was "just trying to get my attention," or "I only got what I deserved." When I finally told her I was leaving, she threatened to kill me.

I have since learned that lots of men suffer psychological damage and physical danger from an abusive spouse or partner. Please inform your male readers they can get help from a skilled therapist or counselor by calling the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women at 888-7HELPLINE (888-743-5754) in the U.S. and Canada. The website is DAHMW.org. -- PROFESSIONAL MAN IN ATLANTA