DEAR ABBY: I'm 62 and own my own home. I have legal guardianship of my eldest grandson, who is 5. Another grandchild is 2 1/2 and in foster care. I would like to keep both children together because I have been told that in the long run it is better so they won't lose contact with each other.

Some friends of mine have been telling me I should let the little one get adopted through the state in a closed adoption. This is really traumatic for me and I'm not sure what to do.

Please give me some advice. I love both of my grandchildren and want the best for them, now and in the long term. -- QUANDRIFIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR QUANDRIFIED: Many grandparents raise their grandchildren successfully. If your health is good, and you have a high energy level and relatives who can provide respite when you need it, have both of your grandchildren live with you. If not, you must consider what could happen to them if something should happen to you.

AARP can be a helpful resource. It offers information on a wide variety of issues related to raising grandchildren, financial assistance and advocacy. To find out more, go to www.aarp.org/grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for about 10 years and have dated far more since my divorce than I did before I married. The marriage ended because my wife was emotionally abusive.

What disturbs me is that somehow I either attract, or am attracted to, emotionally abusive women. They are usually successful, confident, good looking and controlling, and the results are always the same. The relationships don't last long. How do I stop being attracted to the same type of partner? -- REPEATING PATTERNS

DEAR REPEATING: In order to break any cycle, a person needs to understand how the pattern became established in the first place. People are usually attracted to the familiar, and it may have something to do with the dynamics of the family in which you grew up. Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist who can help you to understand, so you won't make the same mistake again. It's the quickest fix for what ails you.

DEAR ABBY: I take pride in my looks, and when I go to parties, the dresses and accessories I choose. I am often asked where they came from, and I feel the question is rude and inappropriate. Am I being rude to evade the question, or is there a proper response when I'm asked? -- TIME AND PLACE

DEAR TIME AND PLACE: When someone asks where you found an item you're wearing, it is usually intended as a compliment because the person would like to find something similar. If you prefer not to share that information, smile and thank the person for the compliment, then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married almost 20 years. Eight years ago my wife began an emotional affair with a co-worker. It lasted a year, until he left the company. Although they never had sex, they did have some physical contact that most people would consider inappropriate, and my wife considered ending our marriage because of the feelings she had for him. She now says the episode was a huge mistake and she loves me more than ever.

The problem is, she wrote many entries about him in a journal. I know she kept writing about him several years after they lost contact, including saying that she loved him more than a year after he'd left.

I want my wife to remove the portions of the journal pertaining to this guy. She doesn't want to. I'm still hurting from this and am considering counseling, but for now, what do you think? Should she get rid of the journal? -- CONSIDERING COUNSELING

DEAR CONSIDERING COUNSELING: Because you are still hurting seven years after the fact, stop "considering" counseling and get it NOW.

If your wife is a serious journal writer -- and many people are -- that she would want her writings to remain intact in spite of the fact they reflect her emotional affair is not unusual. If that's the case, instead of insisting she edit or destroy her journal, my advice is to stop reading it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 47-year-old man who was single until seven years ago. Then I met "Maggie," the most wonderful woman I had ever known. She wasn't the hotsy-totsy one-nighter type I was used to. She was a real woman who fulfilled everything I had ever dreamed of (including bringing a wonderful 4-year-old little girl into my life). The biological father is out of the picture.

Maggie had wrestled with some health issues -- nothing serious until last April, when she had surgery. Complications set in, and I lost the only person who ever mattered, aside from our little girl.

My question is, since we were never married, how do I refer to Maggie when relating what happened? I am in the process of adopting her daughter and explanations to strangers are tough. ("Wow, you're taking on a child when you don't HAVE to?") How do I respond to these remarks? I know this is a multi-part question, but I have so many unanswered questions lately, I figured I'd ask you for an opinion. -- GRIEVING IN MISSOURI

DEAR GRIEVING: Although you and Maggie weren't legally married, you were a couple for some time. I'm very sorry for your loss. It would be accurate to refer to her as your late significant other, your partner or longtime girlfriend.

I would like to compliment you for stepping up to care for the girl when her biological father did not. And I do have suggestions for how to respond to anyone insensitive enough to ask why you would "take on" a child you didn't "have to."

The first would be to ignore the question. The second would be to avoid such a person in the future, and the third would be to reply, "I love her like a daughter, want to make sure she's secure and provided for, and THAT'S why I'm doing it."

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married soon, and I need some guidance about inviting my aunt and uncle to the wedding. They live about 30 miles from us. We moved to this area four years ago, and we've had them over for dinner once and invited them another time. They declined because they were going to be out of town.

Abby, they didn't reciprocate, and in fact, didn't even invite us to their daughter's wedding, which hurt us very much. I had always considered myself close to these relatives before we moved here, so their treatment of my family and me has been painful.

My mother is telling me to turn the other cheek despite everything and invite them to my daughter's wedding. My daughter doesn't want them to attend and neither does my husband, but Mom is emphatic about inviting them "because they're family."

I would appreciate your opinion on this, Abby, because I'm between a rock and a hard place, and my emotions are pulling me apart. -- BETWIXT AND BETWEEN

DEAR BETWIXT: The bride's wishes should prevail. Her happiness on her wedding day is more important than the feelings of relatives who don't bother with you, her and your family. I have always said that one should never invite guests to a wedding hoping they won't show up, because they usually do.

DEAR ABBY: I have an older friend who is 70. She doesn't have much money. She was having blood pressure problems, so I ordered a deluxe blood pressure machine for her that cost $160. It wasn't a birthday gift; I was seriously concerned for her.

I learned this week that she "loaned" it to a friend. I wrote her a note and asked her nicely to please get it back because I didn't buy it for her friend (who has plenty of money), but because I was worried about her health. She is now not speaking to me, and MY blood pressure is going up by the minute because I'm so angry. Was I out of line or is she? -- HYPER-FURIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR HYPER-FURIOUS: Relax. Breathe. What you did was a beautiful and generous gesture, but the blood pressure machine was a GIFT. Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) wishes. For you to tell her to ask for it back may have been well-intentioned, but it was the wrong thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an average 17-year-old guy. I love basketball, football and girls. The problem is I'm a player, and girls say I "use" them.

I'm not ready to settle down, and I end up hurting girls and breaking many hearts. How can I cure my player habits and heal some of the hearts I've broken? -- TIRED OF PLAYING

DEAR TIRED OF PLAYING: Apologize to any young woman you have misled. Then ask yourself, "How would I feel if I had been treated this way?" If you practice the Golden Rule -- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" -- it will serve you well in most situations. If everyone did this, we could change the name of our planet from Earth to Paradise, and wouldn't that be heavenly?

CONFIDENTIAL TO "STUCK IN DULLSVILLE": Because you're convinced your job is a dead end, start sending out resumes. Jack London had this to say about stagnating lives: "I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong time. I shall use my time. ... The proper function of man is to live, not to exist."