DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Gwen," just started middle school. She makes good grades, but she's strong-willed. Do kids grow up instantly when they start middle school?

She wants to know if she can have a boyfriend. I told her not until she's 15. Now she's flirting with girls who ask her out. I told her to stay away from them, not because they are lesbians but because they are not good girls. They are always in trouble.

Gwen says I'm too strict, and if I don't stop, she will run away. I adopted her at birth (it was an open adoption), and she recently asked me if I am going to place her for adoption. She was worried that I would. I am very concerned that she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Any advice? -- SAN ANTONIO MOM

DEAR MOM: People do not grow up "instantly." I know individuals who are immature at 50, and I'm sure if you think about it, so do you. From what you have told me about your daughter, it's clear that she is far from the grown-up she thinks she is.

If you do not to want Gwen to date until she is older, that is your prerogative as her parent. The gender of the person isn't the issue.

Because you think she is hanging out with the wrong crowd, my advice is to make sure she is so busy she doesn't have time to spend with them. Involve her in activities outside of school -- sports, scouting, music or art. And be sure she knows that you are her forever mother and that nothing she could ever do will lessen your love for her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old woman who has just been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It has been a rough road, and I'm lucky to have such a supportive group.

My issue is, when people find out, I get comments such as, "Wow, you look so GOOD!" or suggestions on how I should "cure" my MS. The most hurtful one was that it's all in my head.

While I appreciate that folks care and want to offer help, I find their comments offensive and hurtful. How do I respond tactfully, but also convey that they should think twice before they say these things? -- UPSET IN OHIO

DEAR UPSET: If someone says you look good, respond as you would to any other compliment -- say thank you. When someone offers a suggestion about how you can "cure" yourself, you'll save yourself a lot of frustration if you keep in mind that the person cares enough about you to try to be helpful. All you need to do is smile and say firmly that you are under a doctor's care and are satisfied with the treatment you are receiving.

And, heaven forbid, if another individual tells you that your MS is "all in your head," remember that just because a jackass brays does not mean you have to pay attention.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS: I received this Irish prayer from a reader. I'm sharing it with you today in honor of St. Patrick's Day:

Take time to work,

It is the price of success,

Take time to think,

It is the source of power.

Take time to play,

It is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to read,

It is the foundation of wisdom.

Take time to be friendly,

It is the road to happiness.

Take time to love and be loved,

It is the privilege of the gods.

Take time to share,

Life is too short to be selfish.

Take time to laugh,

Laughter is the music of the soul.

DEAR ABBY: I have been widowed for five years. I have a close friend, "Louise," who was also close to my late husband. She promised him on his deathbed she would "take care of me" when he was gone.

Well, she has taken it to the extreme. She became very controlling and didn't want me doing anything without her. I went along with it to keep the peace until about a year ago, when I met a wonderful man I'll call Bill.

Bill recently moved into my home. Louise says he has no right to live with me here because my late husband had it built and I have no right to let anyone else stay here. Now she refuses to visit. People have repeated to me some of the awful things she has called Bill. We have had many arguments over the hurtful things she has said in my presence.

Bill feels bad about this. He hasn't said or done anything to deserve the treatment Louise is dishing out and has encouraged me to try and work it out. Any advice on how to handle this very stressful situation? -- WIDOW IN SALEM, N.J.

DEAR WIDOW: Yes. Stop trying to appease Louise. She has gone beyond "taking care of you" and is trying to dictate the way you live your life. Bill means well, but you have already tried to get Louise to accept the situation. Because she refuses, perhaps it's time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a bind when it comes to hostess gifts. I know nothing about wine and am not much interested in learning because most of my friends and I don't drink. I am also allergic to flowers and perfumes, so I would never give anyone flowers, soaps or candles, because if I did I would have to leave the party early.

This leaves me confused as to what is appropriate. Could I give a nice jar of high-quality spice or are there better options? -- IN THE DARK ABOUT HOSTESS GIFTS

DEAR IN THE DARK: A box of assorted chocolates might be nice, if your hosts are sweet-eaters, or matching small- and medium-sized picture frames, or a box of note cards and matching envelopes. However, unless you are certain the spice you select is one your hosts might use, I don't recommend it as a house gift.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother supporting four children with no help from my ex-husband. I am fortunate to have a good job that I like. I referred a friend to the company who has since become a regular employee, and he seems to be happy here.

I was recently told that I'll be receiving a referral bonus, which was a pleasant surprise. My friend approached me and asked me point-blank to split the money with him! I was taken aback. He knows my situation. He has a wife who also works full time, and two kids.

I think he has a lot of gall to put me in a spot like this. The bonus money will be a huge help to me, and I don't think it's right that he expects me to give half of it to him. How do I handle this while keeping our work relationship intact? -- EXTORTED IN NEVADA

DEAR EXTORTED: Ignore your co-worker's question. If the subject is raised again, laugh and tell him you thought he was joking. If he says he wasn't, remind him how hard jobs are to find and tell him he's lucky you didn't ask HIM for a referral fee. You don't owe him anything; he owes YOU his gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 40 years. Like all married couples, we have had our ups and downs, but we have a good marriage. We have two children and five grandchildren.

I wouldn't change anything, except I never had an engagement ring. My husband has bought jewelry for me over the years, but never what I really want -- a diamond ring.

I have hinted to him over the last few years, left jewelry store catalogs and enlisted my sister-in-law to TELL him. He can afford it. But he just won't buy one for me.

He has been financially helpful to our children and is generous to charity. But when it comes to this, it's becoming clear that he thinks I am just not worth it. I feel unloved and deeply hurt. It seems my needs always come last, and this is just one more. Any comments? -- DISENGAGED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISENGAGED: Yes. Diamonds are minerals that have been marketed to the public to seem like something more. Do not let this negatively affect your relationship with your husband. If a diamond ring is what you want, then consider buying one for yourself. You wouldn't be the first woman to do it, and you won't be the last.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of 18 months, whom I love with all my heart, just learned an ex-boyfriend passed away. They dated on and off for 10 years, and she's inconsolable.

After their relationship ended, she married someone else and divorced. I am having a really hard time with how she's handling this. Can you please help? -- CURRENT MR. RIGHT IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR CURRENT MR. RIGHT: Your girlfriend may not be mourning the death of her former flame as much as she's grieving a burial of 10 years of her history. Give her time and let her share her feelings with you. If you do, it will bring you closer. Do NOT allow jealousy to enter into the picture. (Remember, the man is dead, and YOU are her future.)

If her deep grief persists, suggest she get grief counseling. That would be the most loving and supportive thing you could do.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem dealing with shopping mall kiosk operators. Many of them are outright obnoxious. They block your way and insist that you listen to their pitch or try their product. I find I have to avoid eye contact with them. They might say something nice as I walk by, but if I answer, it is a guaranteed lead-in to a sales pitch.

I feel bad for not replying, but it's the only way. I know they are trying to make a living, but I can see their product as I walk by. If it's something I'm interested in, I'll stop and ask. Otherwise, I think they should respect my privacy. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- BOTHERED IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR BOTHERED: Not at all. If a stranger speaks to you, no rule of etiquette compels you to reply. When one of these salespeople starts to pitch you, all you need to say is, "Not interested!" and keep walking. However, if someone attempts to physically restrain you, it should be reported to the mall management because that is going too far.