DEAR ABBY: My nephew is getting married next year. I was very excited because I love him and I'm a baker. I had planned on making the groom's cake as I did for his brother's and sister's weddings. The problem is, they have decided on a hunting theme for their wedding -- including a camouflage wedding dress for the bride.

Abby, I am an animal-rights activist. I'm against any form of hunting. I am also involved with several animal-protection groups. My nephew and his fiancee know how hard I work for animal rights -- just the thought of a hunting theme for a wedding makes me ill.

I don't even want to attend, let alone make a cake. What can I do so there will be no hurt feelings if I don't want to attend or participate? -- BAKER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BAKER: The theme for your nephew's wedding is certainly unique. The concept of a camouflage wedding dress is practical because the dress can be worn after the nuptials, which isn't the case with many bridal gowns.

Feeling as strongly as you do about not attending, write the happy couple a warm letter wishing them a lifetime of happiness together and include a nice wedding gift -- I'm sure there will be no hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly in-laws are wonderful, but even with hearing aids, they have trouble hearing. They enjoy dining out often. In order for them to hear us, family and friends must speak louder than normal. In a restaurant, this can be uncomfortable, not only for those of us dining with them, but also for any other people seated nearby.

My in-laws like to ask about and discuss personal and medical matters, and very loudly. If we try to keep our conversation at a reasonable and polite level, they get upset for not being included in the conversation or constantly ask, "What'd he say?"

I feel bad for other diners seated near us who are trying to have a nice meal. What to do? -- MORTIFIED AT THE DINNER TABLE

DEAR MORTIFIED: With some of the commercials that air on television these days, from overactive bladder to hemorrhoids to erectile dysfunction and adult diapers, it's hard to believe anyone would be shocked by what's discussed at your table.

However, if possible, ask that your party be seated in a section of the restaurant away from other patrons. If it's not, turn to diners who are overhearing the "organ recital" and say, "They're actually whispering, even though it doesn't sound like it!"

DEAR ABBY: My husband, and I are getting ready to close on our first home. Our mortgage broker was an absolute angel, teaching us about the process and making sure we were well-informed.

Because he was so wonderful, we were thinking about getting him a thank-you card and a gift card to a restaurant. We're unsure about the etiquette regarding thank-yous to mortgage brokers and aren't sure how to proceed. Please advise. -- FIRST-TIME HOMEBUYERS

DEAR HOMEBUYERS: The same rules of etiquette apply that would apply to any gift. I'm sure your "angel" will not only be pleased by your generosity and grateful for your thoughtfulness, but also pleasantly surprised.

DEAR ABBY: I have been single for five years. I recently reconnected with a man I lost contact with 13 years ago. We went out a few times and it was wonderful.

Out of curiosity, I began checking him out online, starting with his mother, who he had mentioned was a surgeon. When I could find no information on her, I started looking up other things. Abby, I could find nothing about him or his family. His mother does not have a medical license, and there are no property records or any record of a marriage license to his second wife.

When I confronted him, he was furious and accused me of not trusting him. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm heartbroken. I loved him years ago and thought this was for real.

I feel guilty for not trusting him, even though I know he hasn't been honest with me. Is it wrong to do background checks on people you date? -- DATING A MAN WHO DOESN'T EXIST

DEAR DATING: It isn't wrong to do some checking. In fact, these days it's very common. But I wonder, having known this man years ago, what made you curious enough to double-check? Also, how good are you at research? And when you "confronted" him, were you hostile, which would have made him react defensively?

Please do not waste another minute feeling guilty about this. If he isn't the person he portrayed himself to be, you may have dodged a bullet.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old son is a great winner when we play games, but he's a terrible loser. When he loses a game, he loses control. He screams, yells, hits and sometimes bites. Is there a way to stop this behavior or am I stuck with a son who hates to lose? -- LOSING THE BATTLE AT HOME

DEAR LOSING THE BATTLE: You have described a child who is unable to handle frustration or control his emotions. When a child is 2 or 3, this kind of behavior is understandable. But by age 7, your son should have learned to manage his frustration more appropriately.

If his poor sportsmanship continues, it will cause problems with his peers. You should discuss this with him while he is rational, BEFORE you play any games with him. Explain that games are supposed to be fun, and "when we lose, we are given the chance to learn from our mistake." The same is true in sports. Athletes use their mistakes to improve their skills.

It might also be helpful to impose consequences when your son acts out. But if that doesn't help him, then you should have him evaluated physically and neurologically to make sure there is nothing medically wrong with him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 11-year-old girl, and my mom has a boyfriend who lives with us. Mom said that he comes first in her life. When she told me that, I felt like she didn't love me anymore. He tries to be my father, acts like he owns the house and gets me in deep trouble. I have considered moving in with my dad. What should I do? -- PRETEEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRETEEN: Now that your mother has made her priorities clear, I think it is time you discussed this with your father. If he is willing and able to take care of you, you might be better off living with him.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 45 years is having an online affair with a man who is a former business client. I found out when she inadvertently left an email message open on her laptop. Her phone records confirm daily long-distance conversations, as well. Although I know they have never met personally, they plan to meet during a weekend convention at a hotel in his hometown next month.

Despite problems in our marriage, neither of us has strayed, and I'm confident she doesn't want to lose me nor do I want to lose her. My dilemma is whether to tell her I know what's going on prior to her trip, or confront her when she returns with pictures taken by a private investigator. I can't let her betrayal continue. -- CONFLICTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFLICTED: Tell her sooner rather than later, so she can cancel her trip to the convention. If she's willing to do that and work on repairing your marriage, there is a chance that your problems are fixable. If she isn't, then face it -- your stressed marriage is over. Photos from a private investigator are beside the point. The email you read is proof enough.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my friend went to a wake and told me the person in the casket was holding a fork. My friend told me there is a story behind this custom. Can you tell me what it is? -- DAILY READER IN WEST PALM BEACH, FLA.

DEAR DAILY READER: The story, titled "Keep Your Fork," has been widely shared on the Internet. It appeared in "A Third Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul" and was authored by Roger William Thomas.

It concerns a young woman who had been given only a short time to live, and who instructed her pastor that she would like to be buried with a fork in her right hand. She went on to say, "In all my years of attending church potluck dinners, when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would say, 'Keep your fork.'"

She said the main course was her favorite part of the meal because she knew "something better was coming ... something wonderful, and with substance." What she wanted was to convey to her loved ones at her funeral her belief that something better was to come.

DEAR ABBY: I have reconnected with my high school sweetheart. We plan to be married late this summer. My problem is she wants to keep her ex-husband's name as her middle name for the sake of her kids.

I feel she shouldn't have another man's name if she's married to someone else. I have explained that it upsets me, but she doesn't care. What are your thoughts? -- TRADITIONAL MAN

DEAR TRADITIONAL: I think her reason for wanting to retain her married name (and probably hyphenate it with yours) is a valid one. It will prevent confusion for her children at school.

However, one line in your letter concerns me. It's the one in which you say it upsets you, "but she doesn't care." If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't be marrying you. But her children MUST come first, and unless you can accept that fact, you shouldn't marry her.