DEAR ABBY: My wife of 45 years is having an online affair with a man who is a former business client. I found out when she inadvertently left an email message open on her laptop. Her phone records confirm daily long-distance conversations, as well. Although I know they have never met personally, they plan to meet during a weekend convention at a hotel in his hometown next month.

Despite problems in our marriage, neither of us has strayed, and I'm confident she doesn't want to lose me nor do I want to lose her. My dilemma is whether to tell her I know what's going on prior to her trip, or confront her when she returns with pictures taken by a private investigator. I can't let her betrayal continue. -- CONFLICTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFLICTED: Tell her sooner rather than later, so she can cancel her trip to the convention. If she's willing to do that and work on repairing your marriage, there is a chance that your problems are fixable. If she isn't, then face it -- your stressed marriage is over. Photos from a private investigator are beside the point. The email you read is proof enough.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my friend went to a wake and told me the person in the casket was holding a fork. My friend told me there is a story behind this custom. Can you tell me what it is? -- DAILY READER IN WEST PALM BEACH, FLA.

DEAR DAILY READER: The story, titled "Keep Your Fork," has been widely shared on the Internet. It appeared in "A Third Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul" and was authored by Roger William Thomas.

It concerns a young woman who had been given only a short time to live, and who instructed her pastor that she would like to be buried with a fork in her right hand. She went on to say, "In all my years of attending church potluck dinners, when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would say, 'Keep your fork.'"

She said the main course was her favorite part of the meal because she knew "something better was coming ... something wonderful, and with substance." What she wanted was to convey to her loved ones at her funeral her belief that something better was to come.

DEAR ABBY: I have reconnected with my high school sweetheart. We plan to be married late this summer. My problem is she wants to keep her ex-husband's name as her middle name for the sake of her kids.

I feel she shouldn't have another man's name if she's married to someone else. I have explained that it upsets me, but she doesn't care. What are your thoughts? -- TRADITIONAL MAN

DEAR TRADITIONAL: I think her reason for wanting to retain her married name (and probably hyphenate it with yours) is a valid one. It will prevent confusion for her children at school.

However, one line in your letter concerns me. It's the one in which you say it upsets you, "but she doesn't care." If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't be marrying you. But her children MUST come first, and unless you can accept that fact, you shouldn't marry her.

DEAR ABBY: Should I or shouldn't I tell my boss that more than a few people have come to me asking if he is fooling around with a young woman here in the office?

He is married; she is not. They spend a lot of time together "just visiting," laughing and obviously flirting. They have also been seen coming and going together, having lunch together every day, etc.

My reaction is that whether they are or aren't, it isn't my business. A little voice keeps telling me that, as his personal secretary, he may want to be made aware that people are talking about him behind his back, and I do feel protective and a sense of loyalty to him. Understand that I do not want to discuss it with him, have verification, denial or anything else -- only to give him the information. -- VACILLATING IN OHIO

DEAR VACILLATING: If there is anything going on in your employer's business that distracts from the work his employees are doing, he should be made aware.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I relocated to a new state and bought my first home. I have enjoyed the privacy I have had while living on my own. However, because of the economy, I may need to rent out my extra room to make ends meet.

I have gotten used to a clothing-optional lifestyle and spend most of my time outdoors sunning, swimming and doing yard work in the buff. I also enjoy being indoors lounging, doing chores and sleeping the same way.

Would it be OK for me to advertise for someone who also enjoys this? Can I continue my lifestyle "au naturel" or must I go back to covering? -- NEVADA NUDE DUDE

DEAR NUDE DUDE: While practically anything goes in the want ads and on the Internet, your best bet would be to Google "nudists (or naturists) in Nevada." When you do, you will find contact information for nudist resorts and clubs, and your chances of finding a renter who won't be shocked or offended will be better.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I love each other and have three beautiful children, but we struggle in our marriage because of the stress of daily life. Lack of money has taken a toll. Sometimes we both work two jobs. Other times we find ourselves faced with difficult choices -- like whether to buy groceries, or pay the electric bill or the mortgage. (We often can't do all three.)

I know we're not the only family in this situation. You often advise people to seek guidance from a professional counselor. Can you share any resources for those of us who do not have the money or the insurance coverage to pay for counseling? -- HOLDING ON IN ARKANSAS

DEAR HOLDING ON: You are far from the only family who is trying to cope with little money and difficulty finding steady work. Many thousands of families are in the same situation -- and it is stressful for marriages and relationships.

Because you are unable to afford a private therapist, contact your county department of mental health and ask what services are available for people with limited resources. The psychology department at your nearest college or university may also be able to help during this difficult time.

DEAR ABBY: I'm incredibly fond of my friend "Russell." He is always supportive, considerate and kind to me. However, I know that he is into S&M and this worries me, as I can't reconcile the two different people -- a gentle person with someone wanting to dominate and possibly hurt a woman in bed.

Should I be worried that Russell is hiding a dark side that will eventually come out and ruin our friendship? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR WORRIED: You and Russell must be very close friends if he is describing his sexual practices with you. My experts tell me that acting out on aggressive fantasies does not necessarily mean a person IS aggressive.

As long as your relationship remains platonic, what he does in the bedroom shouldn't affect it. But if you're considering taking your friendship with Russell to another level, it's important that you talk further about this. If this isn't something you're interested in exploring -- and it isn't for everyone -- then draw the line or move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl, and my mother just got home from rehab. I have been living with my grandmother for a year and a half.

I want to tell my mother my feelings, but I don't want to hurt her. I love her, but I'm still not over what she has done. She is barely home. She has meetings, and she likes to stay with her boyfriend. I think it's too soon. She came home only a week ago. What do I do, Abby? -- CONFUSED TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: You have my sympathy. I hope your mother's rehabilitation will be successful. It's good that she is going to meetings, and I agree with you that it's too soon for her to be staying with her boyfriend.

However, she's unlikely to accept hearing it from you or me, which is why you should talk to your grandmother about your feelings. Your mother might accept it if she hears from your grandmother that should there be any "bumps" in her relationship with this man -- and there usually are a few -- that they could jeopardize her sobriety.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 19-month-old son, "Nicky." He stays at my in-laws' house most days while my husband and I work. Lately, I've noticed when I go to pick him up that Grandma and Grandpa like to give him "kiss attacks," where they hold him "hostage" and give him several kisses.

Sometimes he lets them, and it's not a problem. Other times he squirms, whines and tells them no. It's painful to watch, especially when they respond with, "I know you're not going to like this, but I'm going to do it anyway."

I think this is a huge violation of my son's boundaries. It teaches him he should just give in because nobody cares that he's uncomfortable. My husband thinks Nicky is too young to understand, and that it's not going to hurt him to have extra affection.

I'm an affectionate person who likes to hug and kiss my son, too, but if he's not in the mood, I let him be. Who is right? -- LOVING MOMMY IN COLORADO

DEAR LOVING MOMMY: You are. Affection is something welcome. If you don't want it, it's not affection. The most significant issues in child development have to do with nurturing and building trust. However well meant, holding a child "hostage" is more a display of power than affection.

If your in-laws stopped "attacking," your son would be more likely to seek their affection when he wants it. A better way to demonstrate their love for him would be to do something creative, like draw a picture showing their affection for him.