DEAR ABBY: Should I or shouldn't I tell my boss that more than a few people have come to me asking if he is fooling around with a young woman here in the office?

He is married; she is not. They spend a lot of time together "just visiting," laughing and obviously flirting. They have also been seen coming and going together, having lunch together every day, etc.

My reaction is that whether they are or aren't, it isn't my business. A little voice keeps telling me that, as his personal secretary, he may want to be made aware that people are talking about him behind his back, and I do feel protective and a sense of loyalty to him. Understand that I do not want to discuss it with him, have verification, denial or anything else -- only to give him the information. -- VACILLATING IN OHIO

DEAR VACILLATING: If there is anything going on in your employer's business that distracts from the work his employees are doing, he should be made aware.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I relocated to a new state and bought my first home. I have enjoyed the privacy I have had while living on my own. However, because of the economy, I may need to rent out my extra room to make ends meet.

I have gotten used to a clothing-optional lifestyle and spend most of my time outdoors sunning, swimming and doing yard work in the buff. I also enjoy being indoors lounging, doing chores and sleeping the same way.

Would it be OK for me to advertise for someone who also enjoys this? Can I continue my lifestyle "au naturel" or must I go back to covering? -- NEVADA NUDE DUDE

DEAR NUDE DUDE: While practically anything goes in the want ads and on the Internet, your best bet would be to Google "nudists (or naturists) in Nevada." When you do, you will find contact information for nudist resorts and clubs, and your chances of finding a renter who won't be shocked or offended will be better.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I love each other and have three beautiful children, but we struggle in our marriage because of the stress of daily life. Lack of money has taken a toll. Sometimes we both work two jobs. Other times we find ourselves faced with difficult choices -- like whether to buy groceries, or pay the electric bill or the mortgage. (We often can't do all three.)

I know we're not the only family in this situation. You often advise people to seek guidance from a professional counselor. Can you share any resources for those of us who do not have the money or the insurance coverage to pay for counseling? -- HOLDING ON IN ARKANSAS

DEAR HOLDING ON: You are far from the only family who is trying to cope with little money and difficulty finding steady work. Many thousands of families are in the same situation -- and it is stressful for marriages and relationships.

Because you are unable to afford a private therapist, contact your county department of mental health and ask what services are available for people with limited resources. The psychology department at your nearest college or university may also be able to help during this difficult time.

DEAR ABBY: I'm incredibly fond of my friend "Russell." He is always supportive, considerate and kind to me. However, I know that he is into S&M and this worries me, as I can't reconcile the two different people -- a gentle person with someone wanting to dominate and possibly hurt a woman in bed.

Should I be worried that Russell is hiding a dark side that will eventually come out and ruin our friendship? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR WORRIED: You and Russell must be very close friends if he is describing his sexual practices with you. My experts tell me that acting out on aggressive fantasies does not necessarily mean a person IS aggressive.

As long as your relationship remains platonic, what he does in the bedroom shouldn't affect it. But if you're considering taking your friendship with Russell to another level, it's important that you talk further about this. If this isn't something you're interested in exploring -- and it isn't for everyone -- then draw the line or move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl, and my mother just got home from rehab. I have been living with my grandmother for a year and a half.

I want to tell my mother my feelings, but I don't want to hurt her. I love her, but I'm still not over what she has done. She is barely home. She has meetings, and she likes to stay with her boyfriend. I think it's too soon. She came home only a week ago. What do I do, Abby? -- CONFUSED TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: You have my sympathy. I hope your mother's rehabilitation will be successful. It's good that she is going to meetings, and I agree with you that it's too soon for her to be staying with her boyfriend.

However, she's unlikely to accept hearing it from you or me, which is why you should talk to your grandmother about your feelings. Your mother might accept it if she hears from your grandmother that should there be any "bumps" in her relationship with this man -- and there usually are a few -- that they could jeopardize her sobriety.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 19-month-old son, "Nicky." He stays at my in-laws' house most days while my husband and I work. Lately, I've noticed when I go to pick him up that Grandma and Grandpa like to give him "kiss attacks," where they hold him "hostage" and give him several kisses.

Sometimes he lets them, and it's not a problem. Other times he squirms, whines and tells them no. It's painful to watch, especially when they respond with, "I know you're not going to like this, but I'm going to do it anyway."

I think this is a huge violation of my son's boundaries. It teaches him he should just give in because nobody cares that he's uncomfortable. My husband thinks Nicky is too young to understand, and that it's not going to hurt him to have extra affection.

I'm an affectionate person who likes to hug and kiss my son, too, but if he's not in the mood, I let him be. Who is right? -- LOVING MOMMY IN COLORADO

DEAR LOVING MOMMY: You are. Affection is something welcome. If you don't want it, it's not affection. The most significant issues in child development have to do with nurturing and building trust. However well meant, holding a child "hostage" is more a display of power than affection.

If your in-laws stopped "attacking," your son would be more likely to seek their affection when he wants it. A better way to demonstrate their love for him would be to do something creative, like draw a picture showing their affection for him.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to tell your readers about a wonderful program I discovered about a year ago. It's called Overeaters Anonymous (OA). The program is similar to AA, but it's for people with an eating problem.

For years, I struggled to lose weight. I tried dozens of diets, pills and saw several doctors. I would lose some weight, but I could never stick with a program, so I gained back more than I lost. I felt like a loser.

I was a food junkie. I ate when I was happy, sad, depressed, bored or lonely. I would buy candy at the checkout counter at the market and eat it on the way home. Then I'd hide the wrapper in the garage so my family wouldn't know I ate it.

I hid candy in the kitchen cabinets so no one would find it, then I'd sneak in and eat it later. I could never have only one serving size of chips or cookies. I would consume half a bag before I stopped.

Since joining OA, I have lost more than 50 pounds and feel like a new person. I have a new outlook on life and no longer have to rely on food. It's good to be able to talk with people who have the same problems I do. It's a daily struggle, but I have a sponsor and others to talk to when I'm tempted to return to my old life.

Compulsive eating is a disease, Abby. And unless people have it, they don't understand. I hope this letter will help someone who is also struggling. -- GRATEFUL O.A. MEMBER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm glad you found OA. It's a wonderful organization that has been around for many years. About 20 years ago, I was fortunate to meet the woman who founded it -- and she was a doll -- and I know the program has helped many thousands of people. Often when a person has weight issues, it is less about what he or she is eating than it is what is eating the PERSON.

Readers, OA has about 6,500 groups in more than 75 countries. There are no requirements for membership except a sincere desire to stop eating compulsively. Everyone is there to offer mutual support. I have attended some of the meetings, and there is no weighing and no embarrassment. There is only a fellowship of compassionate people who share a common problem.

There are OA chapters everywhere, but if you have trouble locating one, go to www.oa.org, or send a long, self-addressed stamped envelope to Overeaters Anonymous World Service, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020. The email address is info(at)oa.org.

DEAR ABBY: Because of finances, I still live with my ex-partner. We have been friends for 15 years. We split all the bills, and for the most part we get along quite well.

One thing has been bothering me, though. How should I handle things when he brings home a date? I am aware he becomes intimate, and occasionally it becomes quite loud. I have talked to him about this, and he says I should turn up the TV. I have asked him if he wants me to leave for the night to give him privacy. The answer is no, that it doesn't bother him if I stay, but it becomes uncomfortable for me.

How should I approach this in an adult manner? I love him dearly, but this is very awkward! -- EMBARRASSED

DEAR EMBARRASSED: It is laudable that you and your former partner are on such good terms. Out of consideration for you, why doesn't he plan to stay at his date's home or apartment whenever possible? If it isn't possible, ask him to let you know beforehand so you can make arrangements to be elsewhere for the night. I think you'd both sleep better.