DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 17 years and we have two children. My life should be perfect, and it is -- until it's time to visit my in-laws.

We don't see them more than a few times a year, but I've taken to pleading work as an excuse not to see them on holidays or special occasions if I can avoid it. I have even spent Christmas at home alone because I can't stand how verbally abusive my in-laws are.

My mother-in-law admits to being mean and nasty. She says she doesn't care because she "hates people." They are now pressuring my husband to move nearer to them. The thought makes me sick.

My life could have been so different if these relatives were nice, normal people. I wanted us to be friends. I'm a kind person, but I have never been good enough for them.

I would never dream of saying some of the things they have said to me. They're upper middle class and I'm "trash." I never thought when I married my husband that his family would enjoy making me miserable.

The Easter holidays are coming and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid one day the buildup of anger will make me explode. How can I make their verbal abuse stop? I'm sick of being the brunt of jokes and sarcastic comments. -- "OUTLAW" IN ARIZONA

DEAR "OUTLAW": If your husband is "wonderful," why has he tolerated his parents' treating you this way for 17 years? He should have insisted from the beginning of your marriage that you be treated with respect. I can't believe the two of you would expose your children to this multiple times a year.

You can't "make" your in-laws stop their verbal abuse, but your husband might be able to if he locates his spine and puts his foot down. There should be no more talk of moving close to these toxic people, nor should there be any more visits to them until they either change their attitudes or learn to watch their mouths. If your husband feels he must go, then he should go alone, and you should stop making excuses for your absence.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is an alcoholic who attends AA meetings. Last night he forgot to sign out of his email and I saw he has been corresponding with a woman he met at the meetings. In her message she confided her problems finding a man. His reply was that she has been picking the wrong men, that he cares and that they need to talk face-to-face.

I wish I had never seen the email. Because of it, I can't eat or sleep, worrying about what might possibly be going on. I don't want to confront him because he has a nasty temper, yet I feel I must do something. But what? -- LOST IN NOWHERE, MONTANA

DEAR LOST: Instead of "confronting" your husband, simply ASK him if he has become this woman's AA sponsor. It might explain why she is confiding in him, and why he suggested they meet face-to-face to talk, which could be entirely innocent. Does he have a history of cheating on you?

If something is going on, it would be better for your emotional health to know what you are dealing with. And if your husband responds with verbal or physical abuse because of his "nasty temper," you should insist on marriage counseling or get out of there for your own safety.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom in a serious relationship with a divorced man who has children of his own. Between us, we have seven, ranging in age from 7 to 17. I'm in my early 30s; he's in his early 50s.

My dilemma: I'm interested in having another child if we get married. He definitely isn't.

Is it unreasonable for me to want to add to this already large potential blended family? I love the idea of experiencing motherhood again with a little more experience and age under my belt, and I'd love to share that intimacy with him. While he likes the abstract possibility of "our" child, he says he feels too old now and he wouldn't be able to be the kind of father he would want to be.

If neither of us had kids of our own, this would be a deal-breaker for me, but how do I know if my maternal longings are just the last, painful tickings of my biological clock, or a real desire that I'll end up resenting him for if I ignore it and we stay together? -- IS SEVEN ENOUGH?

DEAR IS SEVEN ENOUGH?: Because your boyfriend is in his 50s and has made it clear that he isn't interested in becoming a father again, I think you should count your many blessings and consider that seven is a lucky number.

DEAR ABBY: My godmother passed away in January 2011. My godfather, "Jim," remarried last year. I am still mourning her loss and have not been able to get myself to call and speak to Jim, even though I did send him a congratulatory wedding card.

I love him. Jim is a wonderful, kind, attractive man. I knew it wouldn't be long before another woman would take an interest in him or he'd find love again. My siblings have tried to get me to make contact with him, but I'm still not ready to accept that he has moved on with another woman. Please advise me. -- CAN'T FACE IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAN'T FACE IT: I am sorry for your loss, and I'm sure your godmother will always live in your heart. However, if you love your godfather, you should be glad that he has been able to move forward in his life. That he was open to finding love again speaks volumes about the quality of the marriage he shared with your godmother.

Of course seeing Jim with someone else won't be easy for you, but it is sad that you would sacrifice the special relationship you have with him because you are reluctant to face reality. For both of your sakes, I hope you'll reconsider. If you do, you may find that you like the new lady in his life.

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever appropriate for a diner to lick his/her fingers in public, like when eating finger food or barbecue? It drives me nuts! I equate it to a cat cleaning itself.

When I try to get the person in question to use a napkin, I'm looked at as if I've lost my mind! At the very least, our hands are covered with germs, and who wants to stick them in their mouth? Yecch. -- GROSSED OUT IN OHIO

DEAR GROSSED OUT: I think it depends upon the circumstances in which the food is being served. If someone is eating canapes at a cocktail party, licking the fingers is a no-no. And most barbecue joints provide moist towelettes to their patrons.

On the other hand, Col. Sanders used to call his fried chicken "finger lickin' good." At a picnic or informal gathering, it's purr-fectly acceptable to lick one's fingers, and I confess this tabby has probably done it, so I'm not going to cast aspersions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? -- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don't blow it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and in high school. My father died in a car accident when I was 8. A man who attends my church took me under his wing and has been like a father to me ever since. He is very supportive most of the time. However, he spanks me with a belt when he feels I misbehave.

My mom doesn't know about it because she works long hours to support the family. I like the nurturing and encouragement this man gives me, but I can't take another beating. What should I do? -- BLUE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR BLUE: What you are describing is a form of child abuse. This "nurturing" man has no right to hit you. You shouldn't have to tolerate being beaten in order to feel supported.

Tell your mother what has been going on, or a teacher or a counselor at your school. You appear to be an intelligent young man. Your silence is what enables those beatings to continue, so please do not remain silent about this any longer.

DEAR ABBY: If you are divorced from your wife, do her parents remain your in-laws? This is to settle a disagreement. -- SHARON IN TEXAS

DEAR SHARON: Legally, no. But relationships are not always based on legality. Sometimes divorced couples remain extended family members, particularly if there are children involved.