DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years. I trust him with my whole heart. He is the sweetest man I know. Lately, I have been wanting to know more about his brother. My husband hasn't said much about him other than he was murdered in prison about 10 years ago.

I'm not saying that he and his family are lying, but I did some research on the Web and came across multiple websites about my husband's brother. Yes, he was in prison, but I'm not sure he was actually murdered there. Some details are better left unsaid.

I know, of course, that you can't believe everything you read on the Internet, but there is more than one Google page with a lot of information.

I want to talk to my husband and find out what really happened and try to get to know his brother, but I'm scared he will get angry and even shut me out, and I don't want that to happen. Please give me some advice on what to do. I just want some straight answers -- no more sweeping it under the carpet. -- IN THE DARK IN OHIO

DEAR IN THE DARK: There is always a risk when someone goes poking around the family closet and starts rattling the skeletons. I suggest you be frank with your husband. Tell him you were curious about his brother, went on the Internet, found some surprising information and would like some honest answers. If you trust him with your whole heart, then his response will tell you all you need to know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with five daughters. The youngest is 8, and the others are in their late teens and early 20s. I am self-employed, work from home and very involved in my kids' lives.

I have a boyfriend I have been seeing for the last 18 months. I spend the night with him two or three times a month, which involves less than a 24-hour stay.

I would like to have an extended weekend or a short vacation with him, but he is balking. He says I shouldn't be away from my baby that long. He grew up with a very distant mother and had an unhappy childhood. My daughter spends a lot of time with me, but still enjoys her "sister time."

How can I get him to realize that my being away for a few days would recharge me and make me a better mom? -- BADLY IN NEED OF A BREAK

DEAR BADLY IN NEED: If you haven't already pointed out to this man that his childhood was far different than the one you have provided for your children, then you should.

I am somewhat concerned that he is giving you parenting advice, since nowhere in your letter did you mention that he has any children. It occurs to me that he may have his own reasons for not spending more time with you than he does, and if I'm right, you need to get to the bottom of what they are -- because I don't think he's giving you the whole story.

DEAR ABBY: My husband goes into a tirade if anyone has a taste of food or a bread roll before a meal is properly served. He goes off on everyone -- even a child who has had to wait because the meal is late or they just love light rolls.

We have great respect for your answers. He threatened to write you, so I called his bluff. What do you think about this? -- LOSING MY APPETITE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOSING: I think your husband appears to be excessively controlling. For him to expect hungry people to sit at a table with food and not partake of it is unrealistic, unless it's a formal dinner party. Children should be taught proper table manners, but to force a hungry child to sit at a table with bread on it for fear of a tirade is, in my opinion, abusive.

People sometimes overreact the way your husband does because they have low blood sugar. Could this be his problem?

DEAR ABBY: My sister died suddenly. She hadn't been ill, and it was a shock. Although she tried hard to have a relationship with me over the years, I had trouble relating to her and we weren't close.

I am sorry to say that I never took the time to get to know her. I'm left now with many questions about the sister I always had, but never really knew.

As her next of kin, I'm responsible for packing up her things, and I came across several journals. I would like to read them because I feel they would help me to understand her better, but I also feel it might be disrespectful to go through something of hers that was so personal.

What do you think? Would it be wrong to read them? I wish I had her here to talk to instead of journals to snoop through. -- REGRETFUL IN OAKLAND

DEAR REGRETFUL: I'm sorry for your loss, and your regrets. Because you would like to know your sibling, I think you should read her journals. While it's sad that you have to make her acquaintance in this way, it would be better than never having known her at all.

DEAR ABBY: I love my wife, but I find it difficult to take her to any function where there will be many people. She doesn't comprehend most conversations. She acts like she's listening, but if prompted for a reply, it's obvious she wasn't.

While she doesn't seem to care, I find it embarrassing. People tend to shy away from her, leaving her by herself. Because of this, we don't often get invited back. At Christmas, when I received my invitation to the annual office party, I sent my regrets.

If I try to talk to my wife about this issue, she gets defensive and accuses me of picking on her. Advice? -- THE NORTH 40 IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NORTH 40: It would be interesting to know if your wife's problem is an inability to comprehend English well, a hearing problem or a social anxiety disorder. Of course, we'll never know unless you're able to have an honest conversation with her about it and explain how it affects you. If there is a solution, your wife will have to want to find it.

As to functions having to do with business, if she's uncomfortable in that environment, then you should attend without her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a secretary who happens to make really good coffee. An employee who works in the building likes my coffee and has made himself comfortable at my desk in the morning before he starts work and afterward, before his second job.

I am not comfortable with this. He plants himself at my desk, and I find myself having to work around him. He has become a fixture in my office and I need it to stop. How can I go about this without hurting his feelings? -- NOT HIS BARISTA

DEAR NOT: From where I sit, it looks like the man may have a crush on you. Because you want less of his company, tell him you need to get to work -- or get your work finished -- and that his presence at your desk is distracting. Tell him you're flattered that he likes your coffee and he's welcome to a cup, but he needs to drink it elsewhere. If you say it pleasantly, his feelings shouldn't be hurt.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my husband, "Scott," started attending church. He had never gone in the few years we dated.

We discussed our feelings about religion before we became engaged. He comes from a family that attended church every Sunday and believes in God. I was raised the exact opposite; I'm an atheist. I told Scott that if we had children, I would be OK with him taking them to church, but I would not join them. It bothered him a little, but we talked it over and moved on.

After a difficult year that led to some mild depression (for which Scott sought help), he started going to church. I was happy for him because it seemed to help him.

After a few weeks he asked me to go with him. I went several times, but felt uncomfortable. I feel like a fraud sitting in the pew. Scott says he "wants my support" and that means attending with him. I suspect he's embarrassed to be there without his wife.

I do not enjoy it. I have been offended by some of the messages that were imparted, and I would prefer having a couple of hours to myself on Sundays.

Abby, what should I do? Is there any middle ground here? -- FEELING COERCED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FEELING COERCED: Tell Scott that you are happy he has found comfort in going to church, but that you are not comfortable with what is being preached and find some of it offensive. Remind him that church attendance was not part of your agreement when you married him and that you value your solitary time at home the same way he appreciates the service.

While you might relent and go with him on major holidays -- some non-believing spouses do that -- there really isn't a middle ground, and because you feel so strongly about it, you should stand yours.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two girls. One of them has a lot of emotional problems. My husband is gone for months at a time due to his job. I have told him many times that I want him to find another job that would have him home more often. He always says that there are no jobs that will pay what he's making now.

I know that we need a good-paying job, but I need my husband home and my girls need their father. With all of our daughter's issues, everything falls on my shoulders and I don't feel I can handle it alone much longer. We don't live near family, and I have found it hard to make friends due to my daughter's acting out. How do I get my husband to understand? -- MARRIED SINGLE MOM

DEAR MOM: I understand how stressful it must be to have all the responsibility for raising your daughters on your shoulders. And feeling as isolated as you do only intensifies your feelings. If your husband doesn't already understand what you are going through, I doubt there is much you can say that will convince him to quit his lucrative job and help with the children.

Because he is gone so much -- and making good money -- consider moving yourself and your daughters closer to your family so you can have some respite when you need it. And in the meantime, find a therapist for yourself. Perhaps your daughter's doctor or your personal physician can recommend one.

DEAR READERS: Largely because of you, writing this column is a labor of love for me, and I would like to wish you all a very Happy Valentine's Day! -- ABBY