DEAR ABBY: I met a guy I think is perfect for me on a dating website. We have gone on several dates and they have been great. He respects my morals and even has some of his own, which isn't easy to find.

The problem: He says I am exactly what he has been looking for except for one thing. I look like his mother. He says he really likes me and would like to keep dating to see if he can get past this issue. I like him very much. Is there something I can do, short of plastic surgery? -- DEAD RINGER IN ARIZONA

DEAR DEAD RINGER: Before changing anything, you need to explore more closely what he's saying. Ask to meet his mother, then judge for yourself how strong the resemblance is. It's possible the similarity is less physical and more about your personality or mannerisms.

You should not alter your image to please anyone but yourself. Keep in mind that many men do marry women who resemble their mothers in some way -- whether it's conscious or not -- and the marriages are often successful.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced many years ago, and ever since, I have lived with my mother and visit Dad on his days off from work. Mom cheated on Dad, and the man she cheated with lives with us.

I don't have a good relationship with her boyfriend. We don't have much in common, and when he drinks, he gets angry for no reason and takes it out on me or Mom, and it puts the whole household in an awkward position, sometimes lasting for days. When he's sober, he can be fun to be around.

I have talked with my mom about this. She promises she'll talk to him and things are going to change, but they never do. She doesn't want to break up with him because she can't afford to pay the mortgage on her own. I have thought about moving in with my dad, but I don't want to upset her. What do I do? -- WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH DAD

DEAR WANTS: Your mother hasn't asserted herself with her boyfriend because she's financially dependent on him. She's afraid if she insists he do something about his drinking, he will leave her.

The affair and the boyfriend were her choice, not yours. If you want to move in with your father to avoid being around a verbally abusive drunk -- and your father is willing -- that's what you should do. You should not have to tolerate abuse in order not to "upset" your mother. It's OK to take care of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old woman. My boyfriend of 11 years passed away almost three years ago. I loved him very much and miss him every day. Some well-meaning friends and family members have suggested a dating site.

Abby, when does someone know if it's time to move on? I haven't been on a date in 13 years. I'm scared of putting myself out there again and getting hurt. Any advice would be great. -- SCARED IN OREGON

DEAR SCARED: If the only reason you haven't reached out before is fear of rejection, then it's time to move on. Ask your friends and family to help you write a profile, and then consider what happens next as an "adventure."

While there are no guarantees you'll immediately find a relationship like the one you had, you might find someone who is compatible. And if you don't, you could still make some friends. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old mom who has always been overweight. I have tried all sorts of diets and programs, and have lost a few pounds and then gained it all back and more.

My boss has offered to pay for me to have weight loss surgery. It is something I have always wanted, but could never afford. My boss told me she knows the struggle I have had and the frustration I have experienced.

My family is behind me and supports my decision to have it done. My concern is that once others in my office learn it was paid for by the boss, I'll be treated differently. I'm concerned about possible catty comments. They are gossips, and I hate being the center of attention in situations like that. The truth is bound to come out, so how can I comment on the gift I've been given? -- SO GRATEFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR SO GRATEFUL: You have a generous and empathetic boss who obviously cares about you. Unless one of you reveals that she paid for your surgery, "the truth" is not bound to come out. How your operation is paid for is nobody's business.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently told me his girlfriend is pregnant with twins. She is in her 40s and he is in his 50s. She already has two kids who are quite a handful. They both have low-paying jobs and I don't think they can handle two more children.

My father now is asking me to move in with him to help out. Because of their financial state and their ages, I'm afraid this is a huge risk. If I tell him what my concerns are, I am sure he'll think I'm heartless and stop talking to me. I don't know what to do. Dad might not even be around to see those kids graduate from high school. What can I do? -- TROUBLED SON IN COLORADO

DEAR TROUBLED SON: Unless you're willing to give up your freedom I don't recommend doing what your father is proposing. He should not expect you to assume child care or financial responsibility because his birth control method failed. That privilege rightfully belongs to him and his girlfriend. Tell your father you sympathize with his dilemma, but the answer is no.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column on the nights that I work, and I was wondering if you have had days when you just wanted to tell someone who has written to you to "suck it up and deal with it." I am generally a nice person and would help the most helpless cases as best I could, but I know that I have days when I have been snarky. I was wondering how you deal with those days. -- FEELING SNARKY TONIGHT IN VERMONT

DEAR FEELING SNARKY: I write my column from an office away from my home. Because of that, it's easier to leave distractions (or "problems") on the other side of the door when I enter. I'm here to help people, not to make anyone feel worse. If for some reason I felt I was unable to do that, I would either go for a long walk or postpone writing for another day.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Nicole" faked several pregnancies to keep her boyfriends around until they wised up. She is now really pregnant by a married man.

Nicole has a long criminal history and has been in and out of jail for various offenses. She's now facing drug charges that could land her in jail for the next 10 or 15 years. If she's found guilty, my mother will get custody of the baby so it won't have to stay in foster care.

My parents are in their late 50s and financially capable, but they're not in the best of health. Mom plans to raise the child until Nicole gets out of prison because my sister "always wanted to be a mom."

My husband and I have been discussing adopting a child and would love to adopt Nicole's baby. If we did, we'd get a child and could provide the love, safety and security my sister cannot. And the child would get a stable home. Mom feels Nicole "deserves" to be a mom, despite the fact that she's going to jail and flits from man to man searching for someone to love her.

How can I get my mother to see that the needs of this baby have to come first? She should be more concerned with this innocent baby than her drugged-out daughter. Am I wrong to feel hurt and think my mother is choosing her over me? -- HEARTBROKEN IN ALABAMA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Stop personalizing this as a choice your mother is making between you and your sister. Try instead to make her understand how traumatic it will be to a child who could be as old as 10 or 15 to be handed over to a virtual stranger who has no job, no money and a long uphill climb to try and build a future.

Your sister may have always dreamed of motherhood, but the most important part of being a parent -- aside from loving a child -- is being present. If your sister is found guilty, she will be absent long after her child's primary attachments will have formed.

If this doesn't convince your mother to change her mind, you will have no choice but to accept her decision and consider adopting another child.

P.S. Perhaps your father will understand that what you're proposing makes sense and will speak on your behalf.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 20s, single and have no children. I have lived on my own since I was 18. I own my home, my car and have no credit card debt, but my mother refuses to acknowledge me as an adult.

When I do simple chores or cook meals, she acts surprised. She constantly pleads with me to move back home because she insists I can't take care of myself and refuses to discuss it any further than belittling me.

My friends say what she's doing constitutes abuse. I'm not sure I agree, but I do think it is rude and manipulative. How can I deal with her condescending attitude when I'm with her? -- AT MY WIT'S END

DEAR WIT'S END: Most parents strive to make their children independent. Your mother may want you home not because you can't take care of yourself but because she doesn't want to live alone. I wouldn't call that abuse but I do consider it to be selfish and self-serving.

You should not sacrifice your lifestyle to live with someone as manipulative as your mother. When she attacks, laugh and deflect her with humor. Assure her that as incompetent as she thinks you are, you're "muddling through." And if she persists, point out that if she doesn't ease up, she'll be seeing less of you.