DEAR ABBY: My sister "Nicole" faked several pregnancies to keep her boyfriends around until they wised up. She is now really pregnant by a married man.

Nicole has a long criminal history and has been in and out of jail for various offenses. She's now facing drug charges that could land her in jail for the next 10 or 15 years. If she's found guilty, my mother will get custody of the baby so it won't have to stay in foster care.

My parents are in their late 50s and financially capable, but they're not in the best of health. Mom plans to raise the child until Nicole gets out of prison because my sister "always wanted to be a mom."

My husband and I have been discussing adopting a child and would love to adopt Nicole's baby. If we did, we'd get a child and could provide the love, safety and security my sister cannot. And the child would get a stable home. Mom feels Nicole "deserves" to be a mom, despite the fact that she's going to jail and flits from man to man searching for someone to love her.

How can I get my mother to see that the needs of this baby have to come first? She should be more concerned with this innocent baby than her drugged-out daughter. Am I wrong to feel hurt and think my mother is choosing her over me? -- HEARTBROKEN IN ALABAMA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Stop personalizing this as a choice your mother is making between you and your sister. Try instead to make her understand how traumatic it will be to a child who could be as old as 10 or 15 to be handed over to a virtual stranger who has no job, no money and a long uphill climb to try and build a future.

Your sister may have always dreamed of motherhood, but the most important part of being a parent -- aside from loving a child -- is being present. If your sister is found guilty, she will be absent long after her child's primary attachments will have formed.

If this doesn't convince your mother to change her mind, you will have no choice but to accept her decision and consider adopting another child.

P.S. Perhaps your father will understand that what you're proposing makes sense and will speak on your behalf.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 20s, single and have no children. I have lived on my own since I was 18. I own my home, my car and have no credit card debt, but my mother refuses to acknowledge me as an adult.

When I do simple chores or cook meals, she acts surprised. She constantly pleads with me to move back home because she insists I can't take care of myself and refuses to discuss it any further than belittling me.

My friends say what she's doing constitutes abuse. I'm not sure I agree, but I do think it is rude and manipulative. How can I deal with her condescending attitude when I'm with her? -- AT MY WIT'S END

DEAR WIT'S END: Most parents strive to make their children independent. Your mother may want you home not because you can't take care of yourself but because she doesn't want to live alone. I wouldn't call that abuse but I do consider it to be selfish and self-serving.

You should not sacrifice your lifestyle to live with someone as manipulative as your mother. When she attacks, laugh and deflect her with humor. Assure her that as incompetent as she thinks you are, you're "muddling through." And if she persists, point out that if she doesn't ease up, she'll be seeing less of you.

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2014! It seems like the world spins faster every year. With each new year comes our chance for a new beginning. It's an opportunity to discard destructive old habits and create healthy new ones. With that in mind, I will share my often-requested list of New Year's resolutions that were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

"Where there is injury, pardon;

"Where there is doubt, faith;

"Where there is despair, hope;

"Where there is darkness, light;

"And where there is sadness, joy.

"Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

"To be understood, as to understand;

"To be loved, as to love;

"For it is in giving that we receive,

"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

"And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Have you any advice for how a person can handle mornings better? No matter what I do, I start off every work day irritated and grumpy.

I love the mornings, and even get up early so I can enjoy sitting with my coffee and relax before heading out the door. But as soon as I get out into traffic, I'm immediately in a bad mood. Then, sitting down at work and facing all the emails that come in from my global associates -- usually about some emergency that is plopped in my lap -- puts me in more of a foul mood.

I actually like my job, despite what it sounds like. I just hate starting off every day like this. Telecommuting is not an option for me. What can I do? -- MS. GRUMP IN DENVER

DEAR MS. GRUMP: OK, so you're fine until you leave the house. Many people who find morning rush hour to be nerve-wracking find it calming to listen to audio books or music during their commute. If that doesn't help you, and it is feasible, consider using another form of transportation that's less stressful.

And when you arrive at work, take a little time to decompress before turning on your computer, whether it is with meditation or deep-breathing exercises for the first 10 or 15 minutes. Both can do wonders for a person's outlook.

DEAR ABBY: A cute little girl lives up the street from my husband and me and attends the same church we do. A few years ago we taught her in a Sunday school class. At the time, she developed a crush on my husband. We both laughed about it then and thought it was sweet.

Fast-forward three years, and it's not so sweet anymore. It's downright awkward. She runs up to my husband multiple times while we're at church, while ignoring me. Last Sunday, she turned to me as she did it and announced, "He's mine!" I stood there thinking, "Uh, no -- he's mine."

I know this jealous reaction may seem silly and I'm trying hard not to feel this way, but it felt like I was fighting over my husband with an 8-year-old. He is aware of her crush and how I feel about it, but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Her mother knows about the crush, and we shared a laugh early on.

What can I do? Would speaking to the girl's mother help? What should I say? Or would it make things more awkward? -- NO LONGER AMUSED IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR NO LONGER AMUSED: The cute little neighbor girl is no longer 5. Three years is a long time for a child to hang onto a crush. Because her behavior bothers you, tell her mother you find it excessive at this point and ask her to tell her daughter she's getting too old to act that way. It's the truth, and your husband should back you up.

DEAR ABBY: I thought I'd share my own New Year's resolution with you. For the past 25 years I have made the following resolution: Each day I will ask myself, "What is the kindest, most loving thing I can say or do at this particular moment?" I invite your readers to consider this. -- WAYNE IN PUYALLUP, WASH.

DEAR WAYNE: I consider it a refreshingly positive way to start a day, and I'm sure others will agree and add it to their list of New Year's resolutions. Thank you for sharing it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: A word to the wise: If you plan to toast the New Year tonight, please appoint a designated driver. And on this night especially, designated drivers should remember to drive defensively. To one and all, a happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY