DEAR ABBY: Christmas is coming, and I dread it. I have only my brother, his wife and their kids. I'm on Social Security disability and I barely make it each month. They buy me gifts, but I feel embarrassed to accept them because I can't buy anything for them. It makes me feel small.

Even though I have nothing to offer my nieces, my brother and sister-in-law persuade me to go anyway. They are financially much better off than I am.

I lost my wife a year ago. I see everyone else having someone in their lives and I feel alone. There's just me and my dog now. The holidays hurt. What can I do? -- MISERABLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISERABLE: You have something to give to your relatives. It's the gift of your presence. If you have a talent, share it with them.

Because this is your first Christmas without your wife, it's no wonder you feel alone. At this time of year, many people do. A way to lessen the sense of isolation would be to do something for someone else. If you're able, volunteer at a food bank, a homeless shelter, a senior center. It will give you less time to brood, and you will feel welcome and needed.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a first (and last) date with a "gentleman." He ordered himself a beer and a prime rib dinner. He never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink.

As flabbergasted as I was, I have a theory: Men today are different from those of the past, and my guess it's because the pierced and tattooed gals today speak and act like sailors, therefore ruining it for the rest of us. Am I right? -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUZZLED: No. You need to speak up! The rules of dating have changed over the last decades. Many women expect -- and prefer -- to pay for their own meal and drinks on a first date. It has nothing to do with whether they are tattooed or use four-letter words. They like their independence, and sometimes earn more than their dates do.

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage, my wife no longer wants to shave her legs. She is starting to look like a gorilla. I think it's a slap in the face. She says it has nothing to do with me. I don't know if I should move to another zoo or buy her some bananas. -- PEEVED IN POUGHKEEPSIE

DEAR PEEVED: This may be your wife's way of rebelling, just as some retired men forgo shaving because they no longer "have" to. Or, the winters in Poughkeepsie may be so cold she feels she needs the insulation. Stay in the zoo you're used to -- after all, it's home. (If it's causing problems in your marital relations, close your eyes and pretend it's cashmere.)

DEAR ABBY: Would it be a breach of etiquette to enclose a self-addressed, stamped (blank) thank-you note with gifts I plan to send to my grandchildren, since they do not respond when I mail them gifts or cards? -- GRANDMA IN MARSHFIELD, MO.

DEAR GRANDMA: I think it's a great idea as a last resort -- and no, it would not be a breach of etiquette to do so.

DEAR ABBY: Our 7-year-old grandson has been a handful since he was able to walk. He has been sneaky and has told lies for as long as any of us can remember. He has been suspended from school more than 10 times for various things. He stole several hundred dollars from his mom's purse and took it to school so he would have money to buy snacks. He stays awake longer than everyone else in the house so he can take things and hide them in his closet.

He knows what he does is wrong, but it doesn't bother him. He is also abusive to his disabled sister. It is hard to imagine that a 7-year-old could give hate-filled looks that you don't even see from adults. I'm afraid at the rate he is going, he will seriously hurt someone or be hurt himself.

He also has a very big heart. That is why we don't understand what is going wrong in this little boy's head. Please help if you can. -- GRANDMA OF A BULLY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR GRANDMA: Your grandson's behavior may have something to do with the fact his disabled sibling needs more of his parents' attention. Or he may have serious emotional problems. The boy needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional so his parents will understand what's driving his behavior, and it can be addressed. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and a few months ago I made the mistake of taking and sending nude photographs to my boyfriend. An adult co-worker, "Jim," got the photographs without my knowledge or permission and showed them to my other co-workers, including managers. Jim threatened to continue showing the pictures around unless I did him a "favor."

Out of distress, I quit my job, not realizing that managers had seen the photographs. I now know they were aware of the situation, but did nothing. How should I approach the situation? It would be very bad if my parents found out. -- FACING THE CONSEQUENCES IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FACING THE CONSEQUENCES: You now know why it's a bad idea to send nude pictures, because once they are out of your control, anything can be done with them. While this is embarrassing, you should absolutely tell your parents what happened because they may want to take this matter to their lawyer. Your former employers ignored sexual harassment, attempted coercion and blackmail. If it can be proven, they should pay the price for it.

DEAR ABBY: May I share a pet peeve of mine? I wish you'd raise the consciousness of people who write obituaries and fail to mention the musician who provides the music for the funerals and memorials. The musician often does more preparation for the services than the pallbearers. Why are their names omitted? I usually want to know who they are when I attend. -- WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR WONDERING: I can think of a couple of reasons. The first is that some obituaries are actually taken from the eulogy, which may have been written prior to the death by someone in the family. If the obituary was written by an employee of a newspaper, the information may have been taken as part of a standard list of questions about the deceased and any survivors.

Frankly, I think it would be more suitable if the musician's name was included on the program. If it hasn't been included, there is nothing rude about telling the officiant or a family member how much you enjoyed the music and asking who provided it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and come from a devout Roman Catholic family. My parents have taken my brother and me to church every Sunday without fail my entire life. We pray before meals, before school, at bedtime and at other times every day. My room is filled with religious objects. As far as I know, everyone else in my extended family is equally fervent.

My problem is, I have never felt very religious. Since I was 10 I have challenged the teachings of the church and, as I mature into adulthood, I'm beginning to identify as agnostic. When I told my parents, at first they were angry and disappointed. Then they told me I was "just going through a phase." I know this is more than a phase. It's a personal belief of mine they have been trying to bury my entire life.

I can't continue letting them ignore the real me. The stress of constantly having to lie to my parents about my faith is tearing me apart to the point that it interferes with my schoolwork and social life. How can I convince them that this isn't a phase, and that I'm not the Catholic girl they want me to be? If they continue to refuse to acknowledge my religious beliefs, who can I turn to for support? -- AGNOSTIC IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR AGNOSTIC: Your parents should not have minimized your feelings by saying they are only a phase because it was dismissive. That said, you must not allow their devout faith -- and your lack of it -- to become a contest of wills or a basis for argument.

This is an important time in your life with your parents as you enter adulthood. Thank them for the great foundation they have given you. Tell them you hope they will continue to love you as you explore what your beliefs are on this spiritual journey -- because it is a journey.

The opposite of faith is not doubt; it is certainty.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Molly" and I have been good friends for two years. But this year at school she has gotten new friends, and our relationship is slowly fading away. I'm not sure what to do. Should I wait and see what happens later on down the road or talk to her about it? Please help me. -- LEFT OUT IN CEDAR RAPIDS

DEAR LEFT OUT: What you're experiencing is painful, but it is also a part of life. The fact is, friendships don't always stay the same or last forever.

Your idea of talking to Molly about this is a good one because you won't be left wondering what happened or blame yourself. But you should also explore ways of making new friends. If there are after-school clubs, special interest groups or other activities you can join, they will give you the chance to meet new people. By staying busy, you won't miss Molly so much, and may even form more long-lasting friendships.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married next year. I am very excited to be marrying my fiance, a kind and caring man. But I am not at all excited to go dress shopping. What should I do? -- NO-FRILLS GIRL IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR NO-FRILLS GIRL: No law says you must go dress shopping for your wedding if you don't want to. Tailor your wedding to your own tastes, and make it simple and casual. It's your day, so do what feels right for you.