DEAR ABBY: I am attracted to a man who is 27 years my junior. He is also attracted to me because he initiated our meeting. We have gone out a few times, and he says he doesn't care about our age difference. He has also mentioned us living together and said he would gladly pay half the expenses even though I make more than he does.

Is this appropriate in today's society? I don't look much older than he does. But I'm from a generation in which this kind of thing would be looked down upon. Still, I realize that the world has changed, and I feel a strong attraction to him. I would appreciate any advice you can give me. -- HIS OLDER WOMAN IN MARYLAND

DEAR OLDER WOMAN: In many ways the world has changed. However, I assume that you socialize with couples and individuals in your age group, and this may cost you some of those relationships because your friends may be uncomfortable with the age difference.

I have printed letters from couples involved in successful May-December relationships in which the age made little difference. But I would suggest that you let this relationship develop a little further before deciding whether to move in together, and age has nothing to do with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend I have known for 15 years. We have been through a lot together and have grown through all of our changes. However, her wardrobe hasn't changed. She still dresses like Betty White's character in "The Golden Girls" from the 1980s.

She is in a fragile state right now because of her recent divorce. How do I tell her to lose the shoulder pads so she can meet a stud? -- WARDROBE MISTRESS IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR WARDROBE MISTRESS: While your impulse to help your friend is laudable, it would be a mistake to suggest she change her image while she is in a "fragile state." Let some time pass, and then make a date for a day of fun, fashion, beauty and some shopping. When she's stronger and feeling better about herself, mention that now she's a free woman starting a new life, a new image would help with the transition.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for nine months, and I found out that about three months ago he got nude photos from another girl. I don't do that. I am hurt and torn on what to do. Please help. -- BETRAYED IN OHIO

DEAR BETRAYED: If there are no other red flags, don't waste your time being jealous. Take a lesson from this: The other girl gave him nude pictures of herself, but he's still with you. If he should ask you to give him similar photos of yourself, don't do it, because you will gain nothing and could lose a lot of privacy.

DEAR ABBY: At sporting events when everyone is asked to remove their hats for the national anthem, does this include females? We attend NFL football games and our grandson's soccer games, and it annoys me when I see women leave their hats on. Doesn't "everyone" also include them? Shouldn't they do this to show their respect for our flag and country? -- STICKLER IN FLORIDA

DEAR STICKLER: Whether a woman's hat should be removed depends on where it is being worn. In a theater or at a wedding, the hat should be removed as a courtesy if it blocks someone's view. At a sporting event, a casual hat should be taken off when the anthem is playing. However, at more formal events, if the hat is part of the woman's ensemble, it usually stays in place.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law tends to embrace every pitiful creature she comes into contact with. This Thanksgiving she has invited my ex-boyfriend and his wife to her home to share in the festivities. My ex was abusive to me most of the time, and we did not end on good terms. The woman he cheated on me with is now his wife.

My ex was sneaky and manipulative, and I believe his only reason for wanting to be there is to check up on me and my husband. I have explained this to my husband and his mother, and told them I don't feel comfortable with the situation. They both told me I am "overreacting" and that he was a part of my past and I have since moved on.

I feel the family I love has betrayed me. The idea of my ex being involved in what should be a comfortable family day has me afraid and uneasy. Am I overreacting? Or is my husband's mother being unreasonable? -- DREADING THANKSGIVING

DEAR DREADING THANKSGIVING: I do not think you are overreacting. It was insensitive of your mother-in-law to invite your abusive ex and his wife to the gathering without first checking with you. While you may have moved on, I can see why this would not be something you would look forward to. Frankly, it's surprising that your mother-in-law would even know your ex -- let alone invite him to her home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living on my own for three years. I recently moved back to my hometown and share a great apartment with my best friend from childhood.

My mother has had a serious alcohol problem for as long as I can remember. She will be moving back to the area next month for a new job. Dad couldn't get a job transfer, so he'll have to stay at their current house, which is five hours away.

I love Mom, but I'm very worried because I will be her closest family member location-wise. Her drinking has grown progressively worse over the last few years and has been the cause of three major surgeries. If something happens while she's living on her own, I don't know what I'll do.

Talking to my family is useless. It gets brushed aside because they don't want to deal with the pain after all these years. Do you have any suggestions to make this transition easier? -- HEAVY-HEARTED DAUGHTER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEAVY-HEARTED: For the sake of your sanity, you must not assume responsibility for your mother's drinking problem. Before she arrives, it would be helpful for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings or visit a chapter of Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization. They can help you to maintain your emotional equilibrium as well as share experiences that will help you to cope with her without being overwhelmed.

Al-Anon should be listed in your phone directory because it is everywhere, or you can visit www.Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org. The website for Adult Children of Alcoholics is www.adultchildren.org.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother was recently placed in a nursing/rehabilitation facility. After several months of observation, I would like to offer an open letter to those who work in such places.

"Dear Caretaker,

"It is true I have grown older. My body won't do what it used to do. My eyes aren't as bright, and sometimes I have trouble finding the right words. But I do have a name, and it's not 'Honey' or 'Sweetie.' I have experienced much, and I have learned much. Your history books are my personal history. There is a lot I could teach you.

"You don't have to shout; I will tell you if I can't hear you. I have known great love and great tragedy in the years I have spent on this earth. I have spent decades learning to take care of myself, and it's hard having to rely on others.

"I need your help, but please don't talk to me as if I were a 2-year-old or a puppy. I'm too polite to say so, but I see when you roll your eyes or heave a sigh that says you'd rather be anywhere else but with me. These are my final years, and I've worked a lifetime to get here. Give me the dignity I deserve. All too soon, you will want the same." -- DAUGHTER IN ANDERSON, IND.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter carries an important message. But please remember that the staff in nursing homes work long hours, often for minimum wage, and they all may not have been properly trained in caring for elderly and dementia patients. The work is hard, and the facility may also be understaffed.

It takes a special kind of person to do this work, and many of them deserve medals. However, if you feel that your mother's care is not up to par and that her dignity is not being respected, you should discuss it with the director of the facility.

DEAR ABBY: For the last 10 years, a family of four has come to our home for every Christmas and Easter meal. It started when my wife invited a co-worker. They had no family in town and nowhere else to go.

My wife's relationship with the woman has cooled, but the family assumes they are automatically invited and show up without being asked. They spend more time talking to our other family members than they do to us.

How do I politely let them know we no longer wish for them to come to our family meals? -- FAMILY ONLY IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR FAMILY ONLY: Your wife should tell her co-worker that your plans for the holidays have changed, that the two of you are scaling back the festivities to include only family members.

She should be sure to convey this news in plenty of time for her co-worker to make other arrangements -- whether it will be preparing something herself or getting together with another family. Now would be a perfect time to do it.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to be fluent in another foreign language, but I don't have enough time to practice the language. What could I possibly do? -- RAFAELA IN BRAZIL

DEAR RAFAELA: Regardless of what language you want to learn, it won't be possible unless you are willing (and able) to put in the time to practice. If I were in your situation, I'd take a basic grammar class in the language, then try to find exchange students who speak it and spend time with them. And if you're not married and find an attractive man among them, that will give you even more incentive.