DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Lost for Words" (July 7), who skipped her 10-year high school reunion because she was bullied in school. (She is now receiving Facebook messages from former classmates who want to apologize.)

That letter could have been about me! I was bullied all through school, too. Things were so bad I honestly don't know how I kept it together. I never even told my parents how bad it was until years after I had graduated.

My class (1972) had their 10-year reunion and I went, although I almost didn't because I was scared. When I got there, I was given hugs by classmates. Some of them apologized, and it was wonderful. I enjoyed myself so much that I helped organize our 20th and 25th reunions.

"Lost," you can either keep reliving those painful moments and continue to suffer, or rise above it, prove to your classmates and yourself that they can't hurt you anymore and get to know each other now as peers.

Counseling helped me to learn to deal with bad things in my life. Don't get me wrong, I still have some issues and life isn't always easy, but I have learned to let go and forgive these people. They, too, have grown up and are now mature adults who know right from wrong. -- CATHY IN ESTERHAZY, CANADA

DEAR CATHY: Thank you for sharing your experience and insights along with many other readers who were bullied in school. One common denominator in their letters was the word "forgiveness." Interestingly, I received none from the bullies themselves! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As middle school teachers, we do our best to curtail abuse, but it happens behind the scenes. The targets can remain bullied for years, as the writer expressed. It is sad that this person is affected to this day, 10 years after graduation.

I agree the target has no obligation to forgive the bullies, but this would be a perfect time to send a strong message to them via her Facebook page. An article on the effects of bullying could be posted with a message that if the bullies truly want forgiveness, they should pass this life lesson on to their children who may be engaged in similar behavior. -- MARY ANN IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: When I attended my 10th reunion, the people who had bullied me apologized and I told them I forgave them. I just attended my 30th reunion, and some of the same bullies asked again for my forgiveness. They are in a self-imposed prison of guilt from which they will be free only when they can accept that I forgive them. My advice to "Lost" is to respond to the Facebook messages with a thank-you, and leave it at that. -- DAWNA IN MONTANA

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I went to my 50th. It was the only reunion I ever attended. Halfway through the event, the "bully brigade" came up to me to apologize for their behavior. I hadn't thought about it and was having a great time. But suddenly, I was emotionally thrown back into those years of hating school because of how I was treated.

On my way out, I confronted the worst bully. I told her her apology was not accepted, and they could all keep their apologies and hold onto their guilt for another 50 years. The minute I said it, it was like a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders. -- ANNE IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I was a late bloomer. When the time came for my 30th reunion, I was a successful, confident millionaire with a knockout blond wife, and I looked years younger than my age. My classmates were bald, wrinkled or saggy. There was no 40th reunion -- they had all given up. Living well really is the best revenge. -- HAPPY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays approaching, a reminder is in order. People: Don't forget those thank-you notes! I don't mean an email, but a real, honest-to-gosh thank-you note sent through the mail with postage.

My mother always told me that a gift is not truly yours until a proper thank-you has been sent. She said it "completed the transfer." I was not allowed to play with the item or use it until that note was written.

This is especially true for young people today, who seemingly were not taught this in school or by their parents. Very young children can draw a picture, and the parent can add a line to say it was drawn to express thanks. As the child matures, he/she can use his/her own words of gratitude.

I can't tell you how many parents comment on the absence of this display of etiquette. Good manners are never out of date. They are noticed and appreciated. From time to time I have seen you mention your booklet on "How to Write Letters." If it includes a section on thank-you notes, I'm sure it would be helpful to a lot of people in the next two months. -- ELINOR IN SURPRISE, ARIZ.

DEAR ELINOR: The booklet does. Not a day goes by that I don't receive letters and emails from readers who are upset enough to write because they haven't received a thank-you note for a birthday, graduation, wedding or holiday gift they sent. Some of the writers say they are so hurt and offended that they will stop giving gifts because they were left hanging, wondering if their gift was ever received. The problem may be that many parents no longer insist their children practice this courtesy, so the kids never learn how to do it.

Chief among the reasons that thank-you notes aren't sent is that many people don't know what to say. They think the note has to be a long, flowery composition when, in fact, short and to the point is more effective.

Keeping a notepad handy when opening gifts and immediately taking a moment to jot down the first thought that comes to mind is helpful. (Example: Do you like the color? The style? Is it something you had been looking for and couldn't find? Is it a special homemade treat? Mmmm.) WRITE IT DOWN.

While letter-writing or even emailing may seem like a chore, there are times when a handwritten note is the most appropriate means of communicating one's thoughts. My booklet contains sample letters for almost any occasion. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Inside you will find many samples that can be used as patterns from which to write your own.

For anyone who has ever wondered where to begin when writing a note of thanks, offering warm congratulations, condolences, composing a love letter or the opposite -- announcing a broken engagement or a decision to divorce -- "How to Write Letters" is a handy guide for people who put off writing because they don't know what to say.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner, "Harold," for 11 years. After gay marriage passed here in Minnesota, Harold told me he didn't want to marry me because of my credit rating. I find this insulting and humiliating. Worse, the day marriage equality passed, we were with some friends of mine, and he bluntly told them, "I don't want to marry him because of his FICO score!" It was very embarrassing.

I have also learned that Harold has been telling anyone he knows some of my private information. What can I say to him to get him to stop revealing things about me to people we don't know well? I have asked him plenty of times not to mention my private life to others, but he still brings up information I'd prefer others not know.

Should I end the relationship? I think in some way if I do, that I'll be better off without him. But after 11 years and all that he's done for me, I'd feel really sad. I'd appreciate any advice you give me. -- FRUSTRATED IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that after all these years you have much time and emotion invested in your relationship with Harold. Although I'm sure he has many virtues, sensitivity and discretion do not appear to be among them. It would be interesting to know if Harold would be willing to marry you if your FICO score improved, or if he's using it as an excuse because he doesn't want a legal commitment.

Even if the two of you did marry, you would still have a partner who lacks discretion about what should be private. If this is important to you, Harold may not be the spouse for you because he isn't likely to change.

Couples counseling could help you decide what to do next. Inquire at your nearest gay and lesbian community center about any seminars it offers for longtime couples on this important subject. Just because people can marry doesn't necessarily mean they should.

DEAR ABBY: Our son recently came to us and confessed that three years ago he'd had an affair with a married woman who had two children. He ran into her recently, and she told him she now has three children, and the most recent one -- age 3 -- is his daughter. She's still married to the man she cheated on, and our son says he's still in love with her.

We told our son that because she says the child is his doesn't necessarily mean it is, and if her husband didn't question the pregnancy, it's possible the child is her husband's. We advised our son to get a paternity test.

Our son is now so angry with us for suggesting it that he won't speak to us. He said if we can't support him and the woman he loves, we should stay out of his life. He said she plans to leave her husband. (It has been three weeks and she's still there.) I think she was just trying to get our son's attention.

Was our suggestion unreasonable? We don't support this kind of behavior or their lack of morals. The woman's husband is the only dad this little girl knows, and he thinks she's his child. Our son needs to know if this is his daughter. What a mess! What do we do next? -- ON THE OUTS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ON THE OUTS: Your suggestion to your son was not only reasonable, it was the same clearheaded advice he would have received from an attorney. What you do next is ... nothing, except letting him know you're there for him if he needs you. This is your son's affair, literally, and he is going to have to deal with whatever consequences are the result.