DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters and three brothers, ranging in age from 52 to 69. All of us except one are comfortable financially.

The exception is our brother "Jerry," who is homeless. He lives in a park and does odd jobs. He owes money for old student loans and probably back taxes, so he's hesitant about finding a "real" job and having to fill out a W-4 form. I believe he uses alcohol and marijuana, but not often.

I am the only family member who is in contact with him, and I give him money occasionally. The others may not be aware of how bad his living situation is. I have no room for him in my house because my adult daughter and grandson moved in.

We are not a close family, although we have no animosity. Should I send an email or letter to my siblings about our brother? Should I ask for suggestions on how to help him? How should it be worded? -- SENSITIVE SIS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SENSITIVE SIS: The answer to both questions is yes. Your message doesn't have to be long or fancy. If I were writing it, I would put it this way: "Are you aware that our brother Jerry is homeless, living in a park and surviving on odd jobs? This is a disgrace to our family. Do you have any suggestions about how to help our brother?"

People who live on the streets (or in parks) usually have more problems than unpaid student loans and back taxes. There is often a significant mental health or substance abuse issue. My suggestion would be to involve a social worker in steering your brother toward the help he needs to get his life back. If there is money involved, wouldn't it be more wisely spent that way?

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior citizen and an above-the-knee amputee. I wear a full-leg prosthesis and use crutches. I love being out and about, going to theaters, restaurants, outdoor markets, etc.

How should I respond to the many people who ask me what happened? Did I break my ankle, have knee surgery or what? I know telling them the truth would embarrass them. Abby, please ask your readers to think twice before asking a stranger such a personal question. -- AMPUTEE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR AMPUTEE: OK, I'll try. Readers, I have advised many times that you not ask strangers personal questions, and this is yet another example.

Now that I have repeated that advice, I'll offer some to you: Please do not worry about embarrassing the questioner. Feel free to tell the truth if you wish. It might teach the person a needed lesson when he or she gets more information than was bargained for. However, if you don't want to divulge, all you have to say is, "That's very personal, and I'd prefer not to discuss it."

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married next year, and in my excitement, I asked four of my good friends to be my bridesmaids. As the date grows closer, I am realizing just how much a wedding really costs. Would it be wrong for me to change my mind about having bridesmaids? The girls haven't paid for anything yet or wasted any time during the planning process.

Please help me. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't afford to have a wedding party. -- SOUTHERN BELLE

DEAR SOUTHERN BELLE: Contact your good friends individually and explain the situation just as you have explained it to me. Once they understand that financial constraints prevent you from having the wedding you fantasized about, none of them should feel slighted that you need to scale back. Frankly, I commend you on your good judgment in recognizing this now.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and in jail. My ex-girlfriend recently had a baby. I left her during her pregnancy. We had been together for two years, but things just weren't working.

I told her I still wanted to be in my daughter's life after she had the baby, but she left and went to North Carolina. After I was incarcerated, I lost contact with her. She said I can be a part of my daughter's life only if we have a family and get back together.

I'm willing to do that, but I won't be out of jail for five more months, and I have no way to contact her. How do I go about it, Abby? -- LOVES MY BABY GIRL

DEAR LOVES: When your ex said what she did, she was using the baby to manipulate you into doing what she wanted. Because your relationship "wasn't working," I would caution you against having any more children with her.

When you are released, she may come after you for child support, or if she applies for benefits in North Carolina, the state may do that. That would be one way of pinpointing where she is. You could also search for her online. However, if you can't locate her any other way, you may have to hire a private detective when you can afford one.

DEAR ABBY: My kindhearted, loving mother-in-law would do anything for me. She has lived in an in-law apartment attached to our home for 20 years. She and my father-in-law -- God rest his soul -- were a huge help when our children were growing up.

The kids are gone now, and my husband and I would like to sell our home and move to something smaller. Would it be awful of us to make her move? She is 88. She has a loud and adamant-sounding voice, so it would not be in our best interest to have her move with us. -- DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: Yes, it would be awful. It almost appears you took advantage of her for baby-sitting purposes, but now that the children are grown, she is no longer useful. Her voice didn't bother you before, so why does it now?

While it may not be "in your interest" to have her move with you, it may be extremely difficult for her to adjust to a new living situation at her age. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When your children see that you think this is an acceptable way to treat someone, the same thing could happen to you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently told my mother that I am transgender, male to female. She is supportive and urged me to come out to my father. Abby, he doesn't believe me!

I knew I was a girl at the age of 4, but kept it to myself until I was 16. How can I get my father to believe me? And how do I get my friends to understand when I come out to them? -- NEEDS HELP IN MISSOURI

DEAR NEEDS HELP: It may take time for your father to accept that you are transgender, or even to learn what that really means. Please remember that you do not have to "sell" this idea to your friends. As time passes, they will understand as you start living as a female and begin taking hormones.

An organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a source of reliable information and support for you, your friends and family members who are interested in learning about these issues. You can find it online at pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I just realized after comparing notes that our grandfather, who has been giving us an allowance for many years, gives each of us a different amount. We don't understand why he would do that unless he is playing favorites. Mom says it's because he's allowed to give each of us a certain amount per year for tax purposes, but it still doesn't explain why the amounts are all different.

We are a year apart in age, and the differences are substantial. Mom said Grandpa does this with her brothers and sisters, too.

Why wouldn't he give each of us the same amount so that it doesn't cause hard feelings? I know it's his money to do with as he pleases and we're lucky to get any at all, but knowing this has caused hurt feelings. We don't feel comfortable asking him, but we'd like to understand. What can we do? -- LACKING "WHY"

DEAR LACKING "WHY": Having never met your grandfather, I can't speculate about what his motives might be. While it's not a good idea to look a gift-grandpa in the mouth, the only way you're going to get the answers you and your sisters are looking for would be to ask him. However, if you do, make sure to phrase the question in a nonconfrontational way -- and be prepared for whatever his answer might be.

DEAR ABBY: I am the 49-year-old single dad of an incredible 7-year-old daughter. I have been separated from her mother for four years. Since that time my ex has had a few relationships, one of which produced another child.

Three months ago she met a new man and has decided to get married, even though their courtship has been brief. I'm trying to minimize the impact on our daughter, but everything I say to my ex comes across as toxic. Any suggestions? -- CONFLICTED FATHER IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFLICTED FATHER: There is nothing you can do to control your ex's behavior. But you are right to try to minimize the impact on your little girl. Do not allow her to be caught in the crossfire of your anger and her mom's defensiveness. While I, too, question your ex's judgment in marrying someone she has known for only a short time, there is nothing to be gained by "spewing toxin."

In your interactions with your ex, think before you speak, count to 10 to mellow your tone and focus on the fact that you are the stabilizing force in your child's life. It's your job to remain strong and steady.

DEAR ABBY: I recently broke up with a man I had dated for more than two years. While we were together he gave me many gifts of jewelry.

Yesterday when I was dressing to go out, I started to put on a necklace that went with my outfit, then hesitated because it had been a gift from him. I knew I'd be seeing him that evening and that I would be meeting his new girlfriend.

Would it have been OK to wear the necklace? Most of the things he gave me were animal-related because he knew I love animals. If someone asks me where I got it, as they often do, what should I say? I don't want to jeopardize the friendship we have or my potential friendship with his girlfriend. -- MIXED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MIXED UP: An appropriate answer would be, "It was given to me by a friend." Your question implies that you decided against wearing the necklace that day, and I think you used good judgment.