DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I just realized after comparing notes that our grandfather, who has been giving us an allowance for many years, gives each of us a different amount. We don't understand why he would do that unless he is playing favorites. Mom says it's because he's allowed to give each of us a certain amount per year for tax purposes, but it still doesn't explain why the amounts are all different.

We are a year apart in age, and the differences are substantial. Mom said Grandpa does this with her brothers and sisters, too.

Why wouldn't he give each of us the same amount so that it doesn't cause hard feelings? I know it's his money to do with as he pleases and we're lucky to get any at all, but knowing this has caused hurt feelings. We don't feel comfortable asking him, but we'd like to understand. What can we do? -- LACKING "WHY"

DEAR LACKING "WHY": Having never met your grandfather, I can't speculate about what his motives might be. While it's not a good idea to look a gift-grandpa in the mouth, the only way you're going to get the answers you and your sisters are looking for would be to ask him. However, if you do, make sure to phrase the question in a nonconfrontational way -- and be prepared for whatever his answer might be.

DEAR ABBY: I am the 49-year-old single dad of an incredible 7-year-old daughter. I have been separated from her mother for four years. Since that time my ex has had a few relationships, one of which produced another child.

Three months ago she met a new man and has decided to get married, even though their courtship has been brief. I'm trying to minimize the impact on our daughter, but everything I say to my ex comes across as toxic. Any suggestions? -- CONFLICTED FATHER IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFLICTED FATHER: There is nothing you can do to control your ex's behavior. But you are right to try to minimize the impact on your little girl. Do not allow her to be caught in the crossfire of your anger and her mom's defensiveness. While I, too, question your ex's judgment in marrying someone she has known for only a short time, there is nothing to be gained by "spewing toxin."

In your interactions with your ex, think before you speak, count to 10 to mellow your tone and focus on the fact that you are the stabilizing force in your child's life. It's your job to remain strong and steady.

DEAR ABBY: I recently broke up with a man I had dated for more than two years. While we were together he gave me many gifts of jewelry.

Yesterday when I was dressing to go out, I started to put on a necklace that went with my outfit, then hesitated because it had been a gift from him. I knew I'd be seeing him that evening and that I would be meeting his new girlfriend.

Would it have been OK to wear the necklace? Most of the things he gave me were animal-related because he knew I love animals. If someone asks me where I got it, as they often do, what should I say? I don't want to jeopardize the friendship we have or my potential friendship with his girlfriend. -- MIXED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MIXED UP: An appropriate answer would be, "It was given to me by a friend." Your question implies that you decided against wearing the necklace that day, and I think you used good judgment.

DEAR ABBY: You gave some nice advice to "Afraid of the Loss" (June 25), who wrote concerning the impending death of a beloved pet. I think your suggestion of a support group is helpful, but having lost a pet I had for 16 years, I have experienced the deep pain this man will feel.

Adding a second pet to his home while his pet is still alive often energizes an older pet. When the time comes, it will help the human to have another loving pet to help with the grieving.

As I learned, only time was able to take the deep hurt to a place where I could think of him without tears. Keeping the ashes of a pet can be comforting, whether you choose to bury them later or tuck them away in your home.

Most important is having a plan for when that moment comes so you automatically know what needs to be done. It really helped to have all the details of his final moments thought out so I felt in control.

I wouldn't have missed the love of my dog even knowing the pain that has to come in the end. It's something that should be on everyone's bucket list. -- CATHY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CATHY: My thanks to you and all the readers who sent heartfelt letters supporting "Afraid." It's easy to see why dogs are called man's best friend because of all the love, affection, entertainment and companionship they give us, and why we only want the best for them in this life and after. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your pet is your child. Anyone who doesn't understand that isn't worth worrying about when the loss occurs. Will it hurt? Of course. But the pain does ease in time.

When my first dog died, I spoke with a grief counselor at the local veterinary college. It didn't make my pain disappear, but it helped me to understand it more. Your pet does not live in the future, but in the moment. Enjoy every moment you have together and accept the unconditional love your pet has given you. You will get through it. -- DEB IN BELMONT, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Having shared the love of many pets over the years, I have found that dealing with the loss of our furry friends never gets easier, no matter how many times you go through it. I just reflect on all the cherished times I shared with them, and I know I did my best to make their lives grand. I know I'm better off for having shared their company.

Having rescued all of my past and current pets from shelters, I saved them from an uncertain life. I gave them a loving home with affection, stability and a warm bed. While they all leave us at some point, their memory lives on in our hearts.

I think Irving Townsend said it best: "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan." -- FOUR PAWS FATHER

DEAR ABBY: "Afraid of the Loss" is not alone. Anyone who has known the love of a dog knows the fear of losing that unmatched companionship.

When my dog was reaching the end of his lifespan, a fellow dog-lover advised me to get a puppy. I'm passing her advice along to "Afraid." Get a puppy or go to the shelter and adopt a dog -- any dog. You will save the dog, and the dog will save you right back. -- MONIQUE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old daughter confided that she has become sexually involved with her boyfriend and asked if I would buy condoms for her. I agreed that she should protect herself and bought her a box of 12.

A week later, she informed me that she needed another 12-pack. When I asked why she had run out so quickly, she confessed that she has been supplying them to her girlfriends. Apparently they can't confide in their moms the way she can with me.

My dilemma is that condoms are expensive and, on one hand, I don't want to be the one supplying a group of kids. On the other hand, if I can help to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, maybe it's worth it. What do you think I should do? -- SAFE SEX ADVOCATE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SAFE SEX ADVOCATE: If your daughter's friends are old enough to be sexually active, they and their boyfriends should also be responsible enough to provide their own birth control. Generally, teens do not need the permission of their parents to receive information about it. Because you want to help them avoid unwanted pregnancies (as well as STDs), direct them to the nearest Planned Parenthood Center for low-cost or no-cost birth control and instruction on how to use it. There are 18 of these health centers in Illinois. To find the one closest to you, visit plannedparenthood.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of three wonderful girls. The problem is my husband thinks the way to make them love him is by allowing them everything I don't. I'll give you some examples:

I don't let the girls eat anywhere except at the table, so my husband brings treats into the family room. I try to limit high-sugar/fat items like chips and candy, which he buys for them on a regular basis. I also try to adhere to a regular bedtime schedule, while he thinks nothing of stretching lights-out to an hour or more later.

Then he complains that the girls won't listen to him, so I must be in charge of the discipline. While this makes him Fun Daddy in our house, it makes me ... MEAN MOMMY IN OHIO

DEAR MOMMY: It appears you're not just raising three wonderful girls, but also coping with an immature, overgrown boy. Parenthood is supposed to be a united, consistent partnership, a team effort. Your husband is sabotaging you and ignoring that one of the responsibilities of parenthood is establishing rules and limits that children should live with.

Your husband needs parenting classes, and if that's not possible, some sessions with a child behavior expert who can explain the consequences of what he's doing to his daughters in the name of being "Fun Daddy." From my perspective, there isn't anything funny about it. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a senior retirement community, and the residents have a Halloween party each year. In the past, there were prizes for the three best costumes. However, last year they stopped giving prizes because one of the residents is a professional artist and costume maker, and the association felt it would be unfair to the others to have him compete.

This year it was decided not to hold the contest at all. The residents are disappointed. How can they continue to have the costume contest and include the professional? -- DRESSED UP IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DRESSED UP: Ask the artist/costume designer to be the judge.