DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of four children. I grew up in a family that looked perfect from the outside, but was far from it. My parents tried to shield us from most of the problems, but because I'm the oldest, I remember a lot.
My parents both had affairs. My siblings recently learned about the affair Dad had because Mom told them, but they have no idea about the one Mom had. Because of this, my brother hardly speaks to Dad.
Mom was diagnosed with a mental disorder when I was a child. I remember her violent outbursts. I know Dad stayed only for us. We're all adults now, and my parents are divorced. My mother plays the victim and my brother blames Dad for everything. It breaks my heart.
I have tried to convince Mom to stop trying to hurt Dad through my brother, but she won't. I want my family to be able to attend milestones without turmoil. I don't know how to make this better. Please help. -- DOESN'T WANT THE TURMOIL
DEAR DOESN'T: Making this better may take the help of a licensed professional and some family counseling -- provided everyone is willing to cooperate. But don't count on your mother. She doesn't appear to be interested in healing any breaches. I do think, however, that because you are all adults, your siblings should know the entire story about your parents' infidelities -- particularly your brother, so his relationship with Dad can be repaired.