DEAR ABBY: I have been dating Mr. Right for two years. "Phil" is the man I want to spend my life with. When we are together privately, everything is perfect.

The problem is, Phil hangs out with his old college buddies every few weeks or months, and it often involves his ex-girlfriends. They don't hang out alone. There is always at least one other person there. The situations usually include drinking, which worries me.

In my opinion, Phil should not be seeing his exes, even though his college friends are still buddies with them. Phil doesn't understand why I think this is so wrong. I am uncomfortable and think he should avoid these situations.

Am I overly jealous, or should I call it quits because he won't respect my feelings on the matter? -- HOME ALONE IN KOKOMO

DEAR HOME ALONE: I don't think you are overly jealous, but I do think you may be overly insecure. Has Phil given you any reason to think he has cheated on you? If not, you should trust that he is doing nothing more than hanging out occasionally with old friends.

You say he is encountering exes (plural) when he sees his male friends. If it was just one, you might have cause to worry. Remember, these women are exes for a reason. Unless you want to be another ex, you should lighten up because insecurity and possessiveness are unattractive traits.

DEAR ABBY: We have lived next door to a couple, "Evie" and "Earl," for five years. I thought we were good friends. Over the years, I vented to Evie about my relationship with my daughter-in-law, "Cate." I watch my two grandkids most of the week and have complained to her about Cate's poor parenting skills.

Last summer, my daughter-in-law made a concerted effort to befriend Evie, and they now socialize together -- even though Cate flirted with Earl and Evie didn't like it. This has pretty much killed my friendship with Evie and worsened my relationship with my D-I-L.

This has affected me emotionally and physically to the point that I either want to cut off ties with my son and/or move -- neither of which is really an option. I have tried talking to both parties to no avail. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- BETRAYED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BETRAYED: If you had concerns about your daughter-in-law's parenting skills, the person you should have discussed them with was Cate. And if Evie was as good a friend as you thought, she wouldn't be hanging around with your daughter-in-law to the exclusion of you.

I assume that you, your son and Cate are still on speaking terms and you're still watching the kids "most of the week." If that's not true and you have been cut off by everyone, then the most important thing you need to do is take care of your mental and physical health. Accept that Evie will never be your buddy again and start socializing with others.

If you are no longer watching your grandchildren, your son and D-I-L will have to make alternative arrangements for childcare, which will cost them money they may be reluctant to spend. Then it will be in their interest as well as yours to make peace.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Anonymous in Wisconsin" (Aug. 11), the cancer survivor whose husband has lost interest in her after her double mastectomy. I am outraged by his insensitivity and lack of love. She says she doesn't want to leave him. My question to her is, why not? She deserves better.

I am a cancer survivor who was diagnosed with breast cancer seven months after I was married. Prior to my decision to have a radical mastectomy, I offered my husband the chance to leave. (After all, one doesn't expect "worse" to come so soon after the wedding.) The prospect of children, which we had discussed and was important to us, was uncertain because of my subsequent chemotherapy. My husband didn't hesitate. He said, "You would not leave me. We will adopt."

On our first wedding anniversary I was bald, and he treated me to a beautiful, romantic getaway. Although I did have reconstruction, it was a long process. He was supportive from day one.

Fifteen years later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer again. I had another radical mastectomy followed by chemo and reconstruction. Abby, my husband again made me feel beautiful even when I didn't. There are men out there who define a woman not by the size of her breasts, but by the beauty of her heart. -- SURVIVOR IN NATICK, MASS.

DEAR SURVIVOR: I want to thank you and the many breast cancer survivors who wrote me -- and their supportive spouses -- for telling me your personal stories. Readers, I am printing this to remind you that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had to write to "Anonymous." I kept hoping my husband of 20 years would change his mind and accept my new body. However, because he could not, I chose to divorce him and it liberated me.

At first, I felt that if the one person who was supposed to care couldn't look at me, then no other man would either. I was wrong. After five years of dating, I never once encountered a man who was as insensitive as my husband had been. I have now found the man of my dreams.

In some respects, my "medical adventures," as I refer to them, were the best thing that ever happened. They enabled me to see my ex for who he really was, and find a man who truly is a man. -- GOT A NEW SET AND A NEW LIFE

DEAR ABBY: Breast cancer doesn't ruin your life unless you let it.

I am 66 years old. When I was in high school, my mom had a breast removed. My parents and I just took it in stride. It didn't define us. Dad adored her.

Mom would come in dressed up for whatever reason and ask, "Am I even?" because the "falsies" then were made of foam and were lightweight. She kept the vacation money pinned to it. She made a few new friends faint when she used it as a pin cushion. Dad died at 90, and Mom died the following year.

Mom could have helped "Anonymous." She would have cut her a slice of homemade pie, poured a cup of coffee, sat down at the table and just talked to her. Women need other women. "Anonymous" should find a friend who has gone through the same thing and talk and pray. She needs both. -- EARLENE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My wife went through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, then radiation. During that time she went to work every day, except when she had a treatment.

Of course, I have a visual reminder of what she went through when we share an intimate moment, but she has had to deal with it every day of her life since then. When I see her scar, I think about how strong she was going through that difficult period of time. Rather than drive us apart, it has brought us closer together than I ever thought possible. -- HUSBAND OF A BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced 14 years ago. Afterward, my ex, "Tom," hid from me because he was afraid I'd have him arrested for not paying child support.

Our son is a Marine, and the Red Cross notified him that his father was dying in a hospital on the East Coast. My ex's aunt had contacted them to notify my son as next of kin. Tom had remarried, divorced again and had a girlfriend. He died a few days later.

Nobody is willing to pay for his cremation. I asked his sister and aunt if we could split the bill three ways, even though I realize I'm not obligated. They refused, even after being told the remains would be deemed "unclaimed." The county would dispose of him as an indigent drifter. Their excuse was they hadn't heard from him in several years. I told them they were preaching to the choir, since I was the one he hid from.

I do not resent my ex because I realize his death was as unpredictable as his life. But I do feel bitterly taken advantage of. When I accused his relatives of false concern, they got angry at me. How can I demonstrate honor to my son by dishonoring his father that way? -- ON THE SPOT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ON THE SPOT: You are not the next of kin; your son is. Ask him what he thinks would be the appropriate way to handle his deadbeat dad's remains. You made the effort to have the family pay for the burial, and that should show your son that you tried to honor his father.

I don't know how long it has been since your ex passed, but this is a case where the body could have been donated to a medical school. There is nothing dishonorable about that.

DEAR ABBY: A friend who lives out of town asked me if she can stay with me for a few days. We often host each other. However, she also mentioned that she has a bedbug infestation.

I could take precautions, but some friends have said it was nervy of her to even ask because it put me in an awkward position. I honestly would prefer she not come, but I feel guilty. Any advice? -- POSSIBLE HOST IN NEW YORK

DEAR POSSIBLE HOST: Yes. Tell your friend you would love to see her, but in light of her revelation, you think it would be better if she stays in a hotel during this visit. And unless you are absolutely sure that her home and clothing are insect-free, entertain her away from your dwelling. Bedbugs can cling to everything -- suitcases, clothing, you name it. Hostess, protect thyself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died three years ago and I'm still grieving deeply. Time hasn't made it easier; in fact, it's getting more difficult. No one around me understands or even cares, for that matter.

How do I find a good therapist? I don't know what questions to ask to see if I can trust him or her with my thoughts, and if we would get along. Any suggestions? -- DYING OF A BROKEN HEART

DEAR DYING: A way to find a good therapist would be to ask friends and/or your doctor for referrals and explain that since your husband's death your grief hasn't lessened. Your state psychological association can also provide the names of members who specialize in grief counseling.

Interview several prospective therapists. A question you should ask is how many patients with your problem he or she has successfully treated. However, the bottom line is whether you feel the therapist listens well and has the compassion to help you, which is as important as any diploma hanging on the wall. You'll know when you meet someone you are comfortable with.