DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who just started high school. I started to notice boys when I was in middle school, and I'd like to start dating soon.

The problem is I've never had a close friend who was a boy, and the idea isn't natural to me. How can I ask a boy out if I don't even grasp the concept of being friends with one? I'm frustrated over this, especially because I really like one particular guy.

The only advice I have been given is, "Get over your fear and just talk to him." This isn't very helpful to me. I want to know how to get over my fear! Abby, your thoughts would be appreciated. -- CAN'T FIND THE NERVE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T FIND THE NERVE: I'll gladly share some thoughts. The first is I hope you realize how many girls and guys your age feel exactly the same way you do. Social skills don't come naturally to everyone -- but they can be learned. And like any learned skill, they take practice.

The surest cure for shyness -- which is the "fear" you are experiencing -- is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Smile and introduce yourself if the guy doesn't know you. If you share a class with him or know an activity he's involved in, ask a question about it. He's not good at sports? Not musical? Ask him about a class assignment.

You don't have to be brilliant or witty. Try leading off with a friendly remark or a compliment. ("Nice shirt, cellphone," etc.) I know very few people who don't appreciate a compliment. Overcoming shyness takes practice, so don't go after the boy you "really like" at first. Make a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly, it's welcoming.

Keep in mind that the majority of people have the same insecurities you do. Many of them will respond positively because they appreciate being noticed. That's how you make friends of both genders. I have a booklet that offers even more suggestions. The title is "How to Be Popular," and it contains hints for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Remember, you don't have to be the prettiest or smartest girl in school. But you can be one of the nicest.

Show an interest in others. Be honest but always tactful. Cultivate your own interests so you will have something to talk about with others. If there are clubs at your school, join the ones that interest you. It's another way of making friends of both sexes.

Most young people go out in groups these days. So, if you and some friends plan to do something (and after you have been friendly and let the young man you like notice you), smile and ask if he'd like to come along. If he's shy, it's a way of making him feel less self-conscious, too. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister, "Tanya," is 22 and a single mother. Her son is 2. She's pregnant again, and this time her baby will be a girl.

My sister is very dramatic and emotional. She gets angry easily and has a short fuse. She's great with her son, except he picks up on her drama and is somewhat dramatic himself. My worry is that girls are more likely to imitate that behavior, and I'm concerned my niece will be just like her mother. Although Tanya has a good heart, her emotional issues have caused her to have horrible relationships with men, as our mother did.

When I suggested to my sister that she talk to someone about her anger, she flipped out on me. We were both sexually abused as children. I have dealt with those issues and she has not. Was I rude to suggest she see someone about her emotional problems? -- JUST TRYING TO HELP

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: Suggesting that Tanya discuss this with a professional wasn't rude; it was a loving thing to do. Your sister reacted defensively because she isn't ready to admit she needs help.

What you must do is hope that one day she will be receptive, but also accept that it may never happen. Not everyone is strong enough to face the fact that they need help or willing to reach out for it.

DEAR ABBY: How does a person quit being a quitter? At 46, I have realized that this is what I am. I have quit everything -- church, jobs, school. If I don't like a friend, I just drop the person. The same goes for books, exercise -- everything! How do you stop the lifelong habit of quitting? -- QUITTER IN CHARLESTON

DEAR CHARLESTON: I hate to see you give yourself a pejorative label. It's time to have yourself evaluated because it is possible you suffer from attention deficit disorder -- and if you do, there is help for it.

If that's not the case, then start small, give yourself a goal you can accomplish and don't stop until you have reached it. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, but see it through. Then give yourself another, more difficult assignment and finish it.

Perseverance is a skill that can be learned. Each time you succeed, you will reinforce the idea that you can do it. The more you do this, the better you will feel about yourself, and it will be reflected in your work and social relationships.

DEAR ABBY: I am a married woman with several single friends. They are always eager to do things with me, but married life is a lot different than being single. I'd love to connect these friends, who don't know each other. I realize making friends can be hard, and I'd love to help them in that way.

What would be the best way to do this? I don't have a lot of time to spend inviting everyone together and having them get to know each other. I'd like to do a quick introduction, then let them go have fun doing "single people" things. Is this possible? -- UNIFIER IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR UNIFIER: Absolutely. Call or email your friends and tell them there are people you want them to meet because you think they'd enjoy each other. Then arrange a group lunch at a convenient location and introduce them. After that, if the chemistry is right, they'll become friendly.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, "Joey," is a kind and loving person. Recently the father of one of his close childhood friends died. We live a plane ride away, and Joey could not get time off work to attend the services.

I assumed Joey called his friend and family to extend his sympathies. During our last visit home, I found out he had not reached out to them. I'm upset that he didn't, and I know the friend was deeply hurt by it.

At this point, what can Joey do to make things right? Why wouldn't he make the call in the first place? -- SMOOTHING IT OVER IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SMOOTHING IT OVER: Joey may not have reached out because he didn't know what to do, which would have been to call and extend his condolences or send a card or handwritten note. He may have procrastinated because he didn't know what to say and was afraid he'd say the wrong thing.

The way to fix this would be for Joey to pick up the phone, apologize to his friend for not calling sooner, and confess that he knows he was wrong for not doing so. All he needs to say after that is that he's sorry for his friend's loss, which he knows must have been painful. Then he should be quiet and listen.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law allows her 2-year-old daughter to run around naked before bath time and at other times. They have been visiting us, and there are also other people in the house and yard. The child's mom tells her to say, "Look at these buns!" and laughs.

We feel this is inappropriate and dangerous. How can we get through to her that it's not right? -- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR GRANDMA: While I don't think that allowing a child to run around nude at home is dangerous, I do agree that encouraging a child to run naked and say, "Look at these buns!" is unwise. The response it brings ("Ha, ha, ha -- isn't she cute!") teaches the little girl that this is a way to get attention. While this may be amusing at 2, it is setting a pattern that will attract the wrong kind of attention when she is 4, 5 or 6. Envision her mooning the first-grade class! Perhaps you can make your daughter-in-law understand by showing her this column. I certainly hope so.

DEAR ABBY: I am an asexual college student with a question about dating. When should I tell someone that I'm asexual? I'm not really "out" -- mostly because I don't feel the need to talk about it -- but I'm not ashamed of it, either. What do you think? -- NEW ENGLAND "ACE"

DEAR ACE: I see no reason to announce it at a first meeting because it's nobody's business. The time to tell someone you are asexual is after you have gotten to know the person well enough to be comfortable sharing information.

In case you don't realize it, you are not the only asexual person out there. Because there's so much emphasis on sex and sexual orientation in our society, it might help you to know that an organization exists which enables asexuals to connect with each other. It's the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), and you can find it on the Internet at asexuality.org.