DEAR ABBY: Our nanny, who is 58, was diagnosed with breast cancer just before I delivered baby No. 2. The boys are now 15 months and 4 weeks old.

"Nora" has started chemotherapy after having surgery. I completely understand that she has to attend to her needs right now and focus on her health, but she wanted to continue working without it being an issue. Nora has had to take off several days already in addition to being -- as I expected -- tired and unable to keep up with my active toddler.

I start back to work soon and my job is a demanding one. My husband and I have discussed options and feel it would be best to mandate that Nora take this time off. We will have to make other arrangements for child care, and I can't guarantee Nora's job when she feels better.

She has taken such good care of our first son it kills me to have to let her go, especially while she's dealing with cancer. But I must return to work and do what's best for my kids. Any advice? -- MOMMY OF TWO IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY: Have a meeting with Nora and explain your concerns. Ask if she knows someone reliable who could watch the children on those days when she is too weak to do so. Or contact a household staffing agency about getting a temporary fill-in. It would be far more humane than firing her.

For Nora's sake, please try it. If my suggestions don't work, revisit letting her go at a later time.

DEAR ABBY: My 61-year-old father was arrested recently for 30 counts of possession of child pornography. He has had a rough past -- he cheated on my mother and has had multiple stints in rehab for alcohol abuse. During my teenage years he verbally abused me. My mother is in denial about the entire situation and the fact that he is facing time in prison for his actions.

Nine months ago, my husband and I were blessed with the birth of our beautiful baby girl. I feel I must protect her from my parents and my father in particular. Some of my family agree with my decision, others disagree because I am my parents' only child. Am I wrong for not wanting my father and possibly my mother any longer in my life? -- TOUGH LOVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TOUGH LOVE: No. And as for the reaction of your relatives, remember that you can't please everyone, and the well-being of your child must come first.

DEAR ABBY: How do I keep a co-worker from borrowing money from me? I have my paycheck direct-deposited, which means the money is available a day earlier than "Anita's."

She asked me yesterday if I would lend her money for cigarettes, and I told her I didn't have any cash on me. When I went on break to buy lunch with my ATM card, Anita came waltzing over and immediately told the cashier to ring up the cigarettes on my ATM card! She said she'd pay me back more than the amount charged to my card.

In the future, how can I handle this if it happens again? I needed the money for my own use, and now I must wait until next week for her to pay me back. -- BUCK STOPS HERE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BUCK: One way to handle it would be to be proactive and tell Anita that what she did was rude and you didn't like it. Another would be to inform the cashier that what Anita wanted was not OK with you, and to never do it again. Whichever you decide, don't be afraid of hurting Anita's feelings because she has a hide of steel.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 99 percent bed-bound with primary progressive MS. My oldest son is bipolar (he's off his meds and doing great), and my youngest son has Asperger's. I know ... wow.

My husband refuses to even try to understand the boys. When they have behavior problems, he tells them if he could, he would backhand them. Great parenting, huh? But at the same time, the boys and I are expected to have our lives revolve around his disability and stop everything when he needs help. His MS is always top priority.

I hate watching him go through his disease, but does that give him a free pass to bully our boys? I realize the boys (especially the younger one) have issues that are difficult to deal with, and I'm not giving them a free pass, either, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I support my sons, I'm a bad wife. If I support my husband, I'm a bad mom. And -- not to sound selfish -- who supports me?

I'm not really expecting any answers, but needed to vent, for lack of better terminology. I do have a support system of extended family and friends, but sometimes the lack of support inside the house makes me crazy. Any words of wisdom, Abby? -- STRETCHED THIN IN COLORADO

DEAR STRETCHED THIN: You have a right to vent. You're carrying an enormous load on your shoulders right now. I wish you wouldn't label yourself as a "bad" anything because you are just a mortal woman who is trying to cope. Your husband is understandably bitter and frustrated and sometimes takes it out on those closest to him -- you and the boys. His MS is top priority because he's incapacitated and it has to be.

Your boys need to understand the importance of not stressing out their father. I'm glad your older son is doing well off medication, if that's OK with his doctor. But it's my understanding that people with a chemical imbalance need to stay on their meds to maintain their equilibrium. As to your younger son, people with Asperger's may have problems with their social interactions, but they can be taught rules of acceptable behavior. Perhaps it's time to work a little harder on that.

As to your own needs, believe me, I sympathize. If you need to vent, it's important for your sanity that you be able to do so. It's wonderful that you have extended family and friends to support you, but if at all possible, find someone who can offer a respite from your caregiving responsibilities every few weeks.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have settled my mother's estate except for one item: Mom's cookbooks. In particular, one book that Mom used regularly and in which she modified recipes. My mother was a phenomenal cook, and this book is a real bone of contention for us all. What should I do? -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: One person can volunteer to be the "family cooks' librarian" and if anyone wants to prepare a modified recipe, the librarian could scan it or photocopy it and send it. Or, all of the modified recipes could be photocopied at once and distributed to family members who would like to have them. The task shouldn't be onerous because I doubt your mother modified every recipe in the book.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and a college graduate. My boyfriend, "Jordan," and I have been together for a year and we would like to get married. However, my parents are against the idea. They love Jordan, but they think marriage is stupid because, in 2013, "Who is getting married?"

I think this is totally ridiculous, but I don't know what to do. I want to be married and I would love my parents' approval, but it's hard when they call me stupid for wanting to take that step just because their marriage didn't work out.

I love Jordan and I love my parents. Should I have to choose between the two? -- TOTALLY TORN

DEAR TOTALLY TORN: You do not have to choose between your parents and being married. At 24, you are an adult and mature enough to make your own decision about the importance of the institution.

As to the question of "who is getting married" these days, one answer is people with college degrees are marrying at a greater rate than those with only a high school education -- and their unions are more lasting. I'm sorry your parents' marriage didn't work out, but you would be foolish to let their cynical opinion of this kind of commitment taint your perspective. I hope you and Jordan enjoy many happy and fulfilling years together.

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about co-workers dating? I have a crush on one of my co-workers, and I believe it is reciprocated. We're unsure about an office romance because, while it isn't against the rules for people to date within the building, there are concerns about sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior on the premises. (Some of our co-workers have dated with no problems.)

Would it be wrong to attempt to further the relationship, as long as it remains appropriate within the office, or should I forget it and date someone outside of work? -- WORKING RELATIONSHIP IN INDIANA

DEAR WORKING RELATIONSHIP: This may seem old-fashioned, but I'm not crazy about the idea of office romances. While I know they are not uncommon and it's hard to fight mutual attraction, office romances are distracting. When the pheromones are flying, it can be extremely difficult to concentrate on the tasks at hand. And if it doesn't work out, there can be tension, embarrassment and hard feelings in the aftermath, and that's not good for business.

DEAR ABBY: Twice in the past month I have received thank-you notes for gifts I had given, but the wrong gift was mentioned. I usually spend a lot of time selecting just the right thing, and I take pride in my choices.

I understand how something like that could happen, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I just keep quiet about it, or say something to the person? What would I say? I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I know I have received gifts in the past that will forever remind me of the giver. -- PICKING OUT PRESENTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PICKING OUT PRESENTS: I see nothing to be gained by not alerting the person to the mistake. If you were thanked for the wrong gift, so was another giver. If I had mixed up the gift cards, I would want to know -- wouldn't you? Do unto others ...