DEAR ABBY: While I was out of town, my husband, "Miles," ran into his high school girlfriend at a party hosted by good friends of ours. She has been through a bad divorce, and Miles insists his desire to keep in touch with her is merely concern for a dear friend. Until I put a stop to it, he was calling her every night, talking with her for at least an hour at a time. He said there was nothing more to it.

I have now insisted that he call her only once a week and in my presence. He's complying, but it distresses me to hear him enjoy the conversation so much. Miles truly cares about her and she makes him laugh. He says he loves only me and will never leave me. He's a good man and I believe him, but ...

How should I handle this? I don't want to forbid him to talk to her, but I am feeling very insecure. Am I foolish to let their contact continue? We have been married 30 years. -- THREATENED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR THREATENED: Tell your husband you know he loves you, has good morals and would never leave you, but that you feel intimidated by his renewed relationship with his high school sweetheart. Tell him you know he is kindhearted, but for your mental health to please consider winding down these conversations. And it would be a kindness for him to recommend a counselor to his friend to help her resolve her issues.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 27 and the mother of a 6-year-old boy. I kiss him on the mouth and never thought twice about it until today, when my husband told me it's "creepy" that I do it at my son's age.

In my family we have always kissed on the mouth, and I still kiss my mother this way. Is it "weird" or inappropriate? I didn't think so, but now I'm concerned. -- "SMOOCHY" IN TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR "SMOOCHY": Did you also kiss your father on the mouth? Different families have different customs, and if your husband spent much time around your family he should have noticed that. I don't see anything weird or inappropriate about the way you kiss your child. If your son reaches an age where it makes him uncomfortable, I'm sure he'll let you know.

DEAR ABBY: I work in customer service and have noticed that more than half the people who write in abruptly end their emails with "Please advise."

To me, it seems rude and demanding. I feel that if a question has already been asked, there is no need to follow up with this phrase. What is the proper etiquette for using this phrase? -- OFFENDED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OFFENDED: There is no rule of etiquette pertaining to the use of the phrase "please advise." Many individuals who write to me for advice end their letters that way. It's not offensive; it simply means the person is asking for a reply.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was a victim of domestic violence. When I asked her why she didn't phone 911 for help, her response was, "They play those 911 calls on the radio all the time." She didn't want her prominent husband's career damaged by adverse publicity.

Today, a group of us discussed the issue over breakfast. Many of the women said that because of the popularity of 911 calls being broadcast on the Internet, radio and TV, they'd be hesitant to phone for help when needed, too.

Abby, someone is going to suffer serious harm out of fear that their call for help will be publicized. Do you know what can be done about this new "drama entertainment"? I wouldn't want my terrified call heard by the public either, so I'd take my chances without calling for help. I just hope I don't wake up dead one day as a result. -- PUBLICITY-SHY IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUBLICITY-SHY: Nothing can be done about "drama entertainment" as long as the public has an appetite for it. The reason for the practice of "if it bleeds, it leads" in the media is that it draws viewers and listeners -- which means advertising revenue.

In the case of domestic violence, calling 911 is the lesser of two evils. Out-of-control abusers have been known to maim and kill the ones they "love." Ask yourself if your friend's husband's career was worth risking her life for. It makes more sense to risk a 911 call being broadcast than to have cameras and TV reporters camped on your lawn while the EMTs or the coroner carry your battered, bloody body out on a gurney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm overweight and have a family history of heart disease and diabetes. An injury to my back severely limits my ability to exercise, so diet is an important part of my health plan.

My problem is people constantly try to get me to eat. I explain my situation, but they still urge me to have "just a taste." If I go to a party and shy away from the buffet, the host feels I'm being rude. Recently, my supervisor at work became insulted because I refused some food she brought to a work meeting.

These people wouldn't be upset if an alcoholic refused a drink, so why are they so hostile to me? (Another thing that upsets me is when somebody dies an early death, these same folks say, "He should have taken better care of himself.") -- UNDER ATTACK IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNDER ATTACK: For many people, food has become something other than fuel for the body. It can symbolize love, caring, acceptance -- and when it is refused it can seem like a personal rejection to the person offering it. (Yes, I know it's crazy.)

Your best defense is to remind your hosts, your supervisor, your co-workers and friends that you have a family history of health problems and are on a doctor-advised restricted diet to manage it. Remind these generous souls that socializing is more about the company than the food, and you are grateful that they understand.

DEAR ABBY: You give so much great advice, I'm wondering if there is a basic principle you abide by in order to help guide you when giving advice. -- CURIOUS READER

DEAR CURIOUS: I hadn't really thought about it, but I suppose it's something like this: Show up for work ready to put forth my best effort. Be honest enough to admit that not everyone agrees with me or that I'm sometimes wrong. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Don't pull any punches, don't preach and always try to be succinct.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old active woman who still works. I play tennis several times a week and have a loving relationship with my kids. I know with certainty that I have many good things in my life. However, since my sister died last year, I have been having second thoughts about a lot of the decisions I have made over the years -- especially regarding relationships and my choice of jobs.

I realize now that more than a few of my decisions were based on low self-esteem, although I don't come across that way. I'm feeling depressed and lonely, and it's hard to be positive. I feel like my world is shrinking, and I don't know how to get back on track and be a positive and happy person again. As it is, I'm faking it with my children, and my friends have no idea how I really feel. How do I improve my life at this late stage? -- DEPRESSED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DEPRESSED: One way would be to be more honest with your friends and fake it less. If they are good friends, they'll be willing to listen and give you an honest perspective or the benefit of their life experience. That's what friends do for each other.

You are lucky to be vital and active, because it means your world doesn't have to shrink any more than you want it to. Because you say you're lonely, perhaps it's time to consider enlarging your circle of acquaintances.

The loss of your sister is probably what started your re-evaluation of your life and choices, and that's normal. But please remember that regret is the cancer of life. You can't change the past, and you mustn't allow it to cloud your future. While you may be having second thoughts about choices you made when you were younger, the lessons you learned from them have made you the person you are today.

DEAR ABBY: I think our culture is severely lacking when we don't teach our children how to politely and non-aggressively stand up for themselves when the need arises. People suffer in all sorts of relationships -- work, family, friends -- because they're afraid of confrontation. Raising a subject that may be embarrassing and risking angering someone isn't fun, but it's communication.

If you have a problem, large or small, address it in private with the individual. And if someone tries to talk to you about something you'd rather not hear, be an adult, listen and respond civilly instead of reacting childishly.

We teach children to respect authority, be kind to others and be leaders -- but we don't teach them healthy confrontation, which is something we all encounter in our lives. -- TALKING IT OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR TALKING IT OUT: I agree with you. The kind of communication you're describing is a skill. It requires not only a strong ego on the part of the "confronter," but also tact and diplomacy. And the "confrontee" needs to have the ability to listen without responding with hostility to what is being said.

DEAR ABBY: In my university classroom, students place their feet on chairs, teachers lecture while sitting on their desks, and the dean of the school herself sits atop her desk and places her feet on a chair in front of her. Please tell me that this is not OK! -- PROPER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROPER: It appears you come from a generation or culture in which the atmosphere has always been quite formal. I can tell you it's "not OK" if it will make you feel better, but if it's acceptable to the teacher, the dean and the school, then it's time for you to loosen up.