DEAR ABBY: I am 39 and have been at my job for 15 years. I don't enjoy it and haven't since day one. The work is stressful and doesn't bring me one single ounce of gratification.

I have always wanted to be an elementary school teacher, but now I'm afraid that ship has sailed. I'm currently back in college for business (my job helps to pay my tuition) and feel like I'm not being fair to myself. I don't like finance, and I was never good at math. I get paid well and am well-invested in my retirement plan, but I'm miserable every minute I must sit in my little cubicle. I consider it my jail cell.

I need advice on where to take my career because I'm not getting any younger. Or is it too late? -- OVER THE HILL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR O.T.H.: You are not incarcerated, and you are only as trapped as you choose to make yourself. Most colleges have career counseling services, and you should avail yourself of them.

If teaching children is your heart's desire, you will have to take the time to prepare for it, know ahead of time what opportunities are available and what the compensation is. Make it your business to find out before making any drastic changes. You'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: I fervently want to help my daughter and her father (my ex) fix their relationship. They are both a lot alike -- bullheaded and stubborn. They can't see how much they hurt each other.

My daughter feels he has chosen his "new" family (wife and stepchildren) over her because she isn't invited to family game nights, dinners out, etc.

He feels she doesn't appreciate what he does for her.

She's expecting a baby (our first grandchild) in December, and I think they should try to mend fences before the birth occurs. We lost our son (her brother) three years ago, and I know this figures into the family dynamic as well. I just don't want to see them hurt each other anymore. Can you help me fix this? -- ANXIOUS IN COLORADO

DEAR ANXIOUS: I wish you had clarified what your ex "does" do for his daughter, because from your description it appears he has done the minimum and little else. Having been excluded from "family game nights and dinners out," it's natural that she would feel her father made a new family and left her in the dust.

While I admire your impulse to be the peacemaker, I don't think you can fix this. Family counseling might be able to mend the rift, but only if all parties are willing.

DEAR ABBY: My wife died on my birthday a few years back. It was the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me, and my birthday has been depressing since.

Every year, people continue to send cards and gifts, wishing me a happy birthday. All I want to do on that miserable day is get through it. It will never be "happy" for me again. Ever.

I don't want to be nasty to these well-meaning people, but I really do want them to stop. How can I convey that my birthday is not a happy occasion anymore? -- PARTY POOPER IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR PARTY POOPER: I am sorry for your loss. A way to ensure your message gets across would be to write or call these well-meaning individuals, thank them for their good wishes and tell them exactly what you have written to me. I think you expressed it very well.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher, and at the end of the year I receive many gifts and notes of appreciation from the parents of my students. This year, one of my parents, a beautician, presented me with a gift certificate for a facial.

Last week I made the appointment and was given a fantastic facial by this mom. I didn't tip her afterward because I wasn't sure how to handle a gift like this.

Was I right in not tipping her? Since this was a gift from her, I'm hoping I didn't insult her by not offering one. If I was wrong, I'd like to go back and give her the tip she would have earned. -- WONDERING TEACHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TEACHER: Because the gift certificate came from the person who delivered the service to you, you did not insult her by not offering a gratuity. (In fact, had you offered one for her gift, it might have been taken the wrong way.) If the facialist who performed the service had been someone other than the mother, a tip would have been in order, but not in a case like this.

The proper way to convey your gratitude for her fantastic facial would be to write a short note telling her what a treat it was and how much you enjoyed her gift.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old granddaughter, "Grace," has confided to me that she's smoking pot and drinking. When I asked her why, she said she does it to make herself feel better. I told her she has a serious problem, and something has to be done.

Grace doesn't want to tell her parents and, frankly, I think they would just yell and scream and not understand what's really going on. At this point, I don't know what to do. The person who's supplying my granddaughter is someone who is always around. I refuse to have that other girl in my home, but I can't tell Grace's parents why. What should I do? -- IN A FIX IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN A FIX: You're correct that this is serious, and something does have to be done. Alcohol and weed are not the solutions to your granddaughter's problem. Self-medicating won't fix what's wrong and could make her problems worse.

Grace needs to be evaluated and diagnosed by a physician. The way to ensure that it happens is to talk to her parents about the fact that you're worried about her. If you make clear that Grace is getting stoned to "feel better" and not partying, they may be less inclined to react with anger.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old grandson has a problem, and we don't know where to turn.

Through student loans he has managed to get degrees in chemical engineering and biology with good grades. The problem is, he can't interview. He freezes up and is afraid to face the interviewer. This means he is unemployable.

He has no assets or income and lives with his parents. His father is disabled and hasn't worked in years. Can you recommend any organizations, doctors or medications that can help him? -- HOPEFUL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HOPEFUL: Your grandson needs to discuss his problem with a psychotherapist who can help him overcome his disabling insecurity and perhaps prescribe a medication for his anxiety. There is a cure for his problem, and this is the quickest way to find it.

DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old daughter and her two young children live with me. She doesn't work, which is fine. I don't mind supporting her because I'd rather have the kids see their mom.

I spent most of my life as a single mom, working long hours and not seeing my kids. My work has finally paid off, and I'm at a point where, while not rich, I can support my daughter and grandbabies.

The problem is the baby daddy. He has a history of drug abuse, theft and jail time. He works only part-time jobs, which he loses monthly. He gives my daughter nothing and treats her as if she owes him.

I don't want to support him, but he has moved in and won't leave my house. I have told him to go, that he's welcome to visit the kids, but he ignores me. It's like talking to a wall. He won't even acknowledge that I told him to leave. He acts like he's king of the castle when it's my home! I can't take it anymore. I pay all the bills.

I told my daughter, and she ignores me as well. My oldest son has offered to talk to them for me. I don't want to lose my grandbabies. They are my purpose in life. Please help. -- FURIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FURIOUS: Part of your problem may be the degree to which you enable your daughter. You won't be around forever. She needs to learn to be independent so she can support herself and those children. Clearly, Baby Daddy isn't man enough to be of any assistance.

If he has lived with you for a while, you may need a lawyer to get him out. According to Los Angeles attorney Lee Dresie: "You can get rid of the freeloader by giving him a 30-day 'notice to leave' in writing. It should say, 'You have 30 days to leave my home. If you don't, I will bring an action to evict you.' If he still refuses to go, consult an attorney who specializes in eviction law."

This is Abby again: Be sure you have a witness present when the notice is given so Baby Daddy can't deny receiving it. Your son could be that witness, and yes, he should be asked to lead the discussion on how to resolve this situation.

It is also troubling that the daughter for whom you provide food and shelter is ignoring you. You're treated this way because you don't assert yourself. Please do it before Baby Daddy impregnates her again and you have four people to support.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 27 and have an issue that has bothered me for most of my life. I have overly hot/sweaty hands and feet. When I was dating women, they wouldn't want to hold my hand, which bothered me a lot. Also, my friends sometimes make fun of me for it.

I am entering a profession that will require lots of handshaking with potential clients. This will be an issue for me because I don't want to make a bad impression. Do you have any suggestions? -- SWEATY IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR SWEATY: Yes! There is help for your problem, and the way to get it is to talk with a dermatologist. There is a product that can curb the excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis), but a doctor must prescribe it for you. Botox injections could also help, but they should be administered by a physician. There is also a machine used to treat this condition. The dermatologist can help you decide which solution would be the best for you.