DEAR ABBY: I am fed up with my father's hoarding. Junk is piled everywhere, and our cat has twice gotten hurt in the piles. If there is a spare corner, junk is thrown in it. When I try to say anything, Dad gets defensive over his "stuff," and my mother defends his "pack rat" ways. She says they are his things, not mine.

I'm extremely embarrassed when friends, relatives or neighbors visit. I have offered to help clean, but he refuses to get rid of anything. What do you do when someone doesn't believe this is a problem? -- EMBARRASSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: There is nothing you can say that will fix your father's problem because it's a psychological disorder. Even if he was willing to do something about his hoarding, it would take the assistance of a mental health professional and a support group to help him let go of his "stuff" because it would be like letting go of a part of himself.

If you're still living at home with your parents, all you can do is keep your own space as neat and organized as possible and not allow your father's problem to affect your self-esteem. Once you can afford to live on your own -- move. After that, if your father's hoarding continues to the point it becomes a danger to your parents' health or a fire hazard, quietly notify the fire department or health department, which then may be able to intervene.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a beautiful baby boy four months ago. Since then, he has admitted that he married me only to have a child. My husband says he "cares for me," but he's not in love with me.

Still, he provides for all my needs and I don't want a divorce. I know I'll be happy enough.

My friend is telling me I am doing a disservice to my little one because he will never learn to love a woman. Am I harming my baby? -- NEW MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: I can't see how you are harming your child. If you are a loving, attentive mother, your baby boy will love you unconditionally.

Your friend may feel you are short-changing yourself because she doesn't understand that you're willing to settle for financial security and forgo romantic love. However, if you are truly happy with this arrangement, your friend should be less judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with breast cancer at a very young age and underwent a double mastectomy. Fortunately, I am cancer-free.

My husband was totally turned off by my appearance, and hasn't touched me sexually in many years. I have no desire to leave him, but I'm wondering how many other women have gone through the same thing. We have lost so much of ourselves, and when we need our husbands the most, they turn the other way! -- ANONYMOUS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I strongly suspect that you're not the only woman this has happened to. We live in a society that has sexualized breasts to the point that it has caused many men to forget there are real people attached to them. While a life-threatening illness has caused some males to turn away, it has reminded other men what is really important in life. I am sorry your husband is one of the former.

I am throwing your question open to my readers. I am sure the responses it generates will be educational for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have a 13-year-old sister. Our parents are divorced, and we live with our mother. We used to see our dad on visitations every other weekend, but he moved away, so now we see him for two weeks in the summer and one week during Christmas. We talk to him a lot and have a good relationship. We're scheduled to visit him soon.

Dad lives in a one-bedroom apartment and when we're there, he lets us stay in the bedroom and he sleeps on the couch. He has just told us he is "coming out of the closet" and has a partner who is living with him. They plan on getting married now that it's legal. When I asked him what the sleeping arrangements will be, he said he hasn't figured it out yet, but will work it out.

We're really not surprised to find out that Dad is gay, and we can accept that. But we're really uncomfortable about spending two weeks in a one-bedroom apartment along with his partner when we don't even know what the sleeping arrangements will be. We'd like to find a way to get out of the visit, but we don't want to hurt our dad, and because of the visitation agreement, he has the right to have us for two weeks every summer. What can we do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Of this I am sure, your father and his partner will welcome you with open arms and do everything in their power to show you a good time. You and your sister should go and try to be gracious guests. I agree, the space may be cramped, but it's only for two weeks. After they marry, they may move to larger quarters.

If you don't enjoy the visit, keep in mind that in two years you will be 18 and no longer "obligated" to spend three weeks with your dad. But if you give this a chance, you may be very pleasantly surprised, so think positive.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law is considering having my two precious little girls' names tattooed on his arm. I'm not a fan of tattoos and would prefer my daughters' names not be displayed in this manner.

Do my husband and I have a right to ask him not to do this? Our history with him hasn't been the most pleasant because he can be manipulative and hard to deal with. I'm afraid if we tell him we are opposed, it will encourage him all the more to get the tattoo. How should we approach this without causing a ruckus? -- AGAINST IT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR AGAINST IT: You can offer your opinion, but there is no way you and your husband can control what he does with his body. Because the subject has already come up for discussion, it would not be rude to raise it again and explain nicely that if he hasn't done it yet, you would prefer the girls' names not be displayed that way.

Of course, the decision is his to make, and while it may not be to your liking, I'm sure your father-in-law considers it to be a loving gesture and a sign (literally) that he's proud of his granddaughters. If the tattoo has already been applied, then please, for the sake of family harmony, try to view it from that perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law died two weeks ago. The services were beautiful. Many people sent flowers, but one arrangement -- a bouquet of white flowers -- arrived anonymously. I didn't think much about it, just that someone wanted to express sympathy. Now my mother-in-law has become frantic with concern about the flowers. She sobs over not knowing who sent them and -- we think -- suspects they came from an old or not-so-old flame.

My in-laws were married for more than 50 years, and it is heartbreaking to see her compound her grief with these thoughts. We have suggested various reasons that someone might have sent the flowers anonymously, but she refuses to accept them.

Is sending flowers this way unusual? Or are there good reasons to do it? For the record, is it even good manners to send flowers to a funeral anonymously? Or is my mother-in-law's reaction normal? -- GRIEVING IN GEORGETOWN, TEXAS

DEAR GRIEVING: Your mother-in-law is grieving. She is fragile right now, and possibly not thinking straight. A card may have been sent with the bouquet that was somehow lost in transit.

That she was married to her husband for 50 years and now suspects he was unfaithful because of a bouquet of flowers at the man's funeral is a sad reflection on their marriage. She should discuss this with her spiritual adviser, if she has one, or a grief therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 30s and have been married for five years. My husband and I decided to have a baby, and five months ago I found out I was pregnant. When I told my mom the great news, she wasn't happy to hear it. She doesn't care. All she cares about is how "fat" I'm going to get.

My mother never wants to talk about anything baby-related. If I complain about an ache or pain, she quickly says, "It's because you're fat!" The last time I went to the OB/GYN for a checkup, Mom didn't even ask if everything was OK. All she said was, "How much weight have you gained?"

It hurts me so much that she treats me and her future grandchild this way. I almost feel like having this baby was a mistake. Please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. -- ALMOST IN TEARS IN OHIO

DEAR ALMOST IN TEARS: Stop depending so much on your mother's approval and you'll have a happier pregnancy. The person you should talk to about your weight is your OB/GYN. If your weight is such that it might affect your health or your baby's, you need to know it ASAP. Your doctor can refer you to a nutritionist if you need guidance about your diet.

Your relationship with your mother doesn't appear to be particularly positive. As you grow closer to motherhood, talk more with your girlfriends, talk more to your husband and less to your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I don't go to nightclubs often, so I'm curious as to what the protocol is for this. Sometimes, in the ladies' room, there is a woman there with toiletries, gum, cosmetics, etc. Before you can get your own, she puts soap in your hand and gives you a paper towel. There is a bowl on the counter for people to leave tips. The club manager says she isn't an employee of the club, but simply looking to make tips. I understand this.

My question: Am I supposed to tip her just once for the evening, or each time I use the ladies' room? -- INQUISITIVE CLUBBER IN FLORIDA

DEAR CLUBBER: Tip the attendant each time you use the bathroom and she hands you the soap and towel -- the standard rate is 50 cents to a dollar. However, if you tip the person generously the first time, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it again if you need to return.