DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have a 13-year-old sister. Our parents are divorced, and we live with our mother. We used to see our dad on visitations every other weekend, but he moved away, so now we see him for two weeks in the summer and one week during Christmas. We talk to him a lot and have a good relationship. We're scheduled to visit him soon.

Dad lives in a one-bedroom apartment and when we're there, he lets us stay in the bedroom and he sleeps on the couch. He has just told us he is "coming out of the closet" and has a partner who is living with him. They plan on getting married now that it's legal. When I asked him what the sleeping arrangements will be, he said he hasn't figured it out yet, but will work it out.

We're really not surprised to find out that Dad is gay, and we can accept that. But we're really uncomfortable about spending two weeks in a one-bedroom apartment along with his partner when we don't even know what the sleeping arrangements will be. We'd like to find a way to get out of the visit, but we don't want to hurt our dad, and because of the visitation agreement, he has the right to have us for two weeks every summer. What can we do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Of this I am sure, your father and his partner will welcome you with open arms and do everything in their power to show you a good time. You and your sister should go and try to be gracious guests. I agree, the space may be cramped, but it's only for two weeks. After they marry, they may move to larger quarters.

If you don't enjoy the visit, keep in mind that in two years you will be 18 and no longer "obligated" to spend three weeks with your dad. But if you give this a chance, you may be very pleasantly surprised, so think positive.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law is considering having my two precious little girls' names tattooed on his arm. I'm not a fan of tattoos and would prefer my daughters' names not be displayed in this manner.

Do my husband and I have a right to ask him not to do this? Our history with him hasn't been the most pleasant because he can be manipulative and hard to deal with. I'm afraid if we tell him we are opposed, it will encourage him all the more to get the tattoo. How should we approach this without causing a ruckus? -- AGAINST IT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR AGAINST IT: You can offer your opinion, but there is no way you and your husband can control what he does with his body. Because the subject has already come up for discussion, it would not be rude to raise it again and explain nicely that if he hasn't done it yet, you would prefer the girls' names not be displayed that way.

Of course, the decision is his to make, and while it may not be to your liking, I'm sure your father-in-law considers it to be a loving gesture and a sign (literally) that he's proud of his granddaughters. If the tattoo has already been applied, then please, for the sake of family harmony, try to view it from that perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law died two weeks ago. The services were beautiful. Many people sent flowers, but one arrangement -- a bouquet of white flowers -- arrived anonymously. I didn't think much about it, just that someone wanted to express sympathy. Now my mother-in-law has become frantic with concern about the flowers. She sobs over not knowing who sent them and -- we think -- suspects they came from an old or not-so-old flame.

My in-laws were married for more than 50 years, and it is heartbreaking to see her compound her grief with these thoughts. We have suggested various reasons that someone might have sent the flowers anonymously, but she refuses to accept them.

Is sending flowers this way unusual? Or are there good reasons to do it? For the record, is it even good manners to send flowers to a funeral anonymously? Or is my mother-in-law's reaction normal? -- GRIEVING IN GEORGETOWN, TEXAS

DEAR GRIEVING: Your mother-in-law is grieving. She is fragile right now, and possibly not thinking straight. A card may have been sent with the bouquet that was somehow lost in transit.

That she was married to her husband for 50 years and now suspects he was unfaithful because of a bouquet of flowers at the man's funeral is a sad reflection on their marriage. She should discuss this with her spiritual adviser, if she has one, or a grief therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 30s and have been married for five years. My husband and I decided to have a baby, and five months ago I found out I was pregnant. When I told my mom the great news, she wasn't happy to hear it. She doesn't care. All she cares about is how "fat" I'm going to get.

My mother never wants to talk about anything baby-related. If I complain about an ache or pain, she quickly says, "It's because you're fat!" The last time I went to the OB/GYN for a checkup, Mom didn't even ask if everything was OK. All she said was, "How much weight have you gained?"

It hurts me so much that she treats me and her future grandchild this way. I almost feel like having this baby was a mistake. Please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. -- ALMOST IN TEARS IN OHIO

DEAR ALMOST IN TEARS: Stop depending so much on your mother's approval and you'll have a happier pregnancy. The person you should talk to about your weight is your OB/GYN. If your weight is such that it might affect your health or your baby's, you need to know it ASAP. Your doctor can refer you to a nutritionist if you need guidance about your diet.

Your relationship with your mother doesn't appear to be particularly positive. As you grow closer to motherhood, talk more with your girlfriends, talk more to your husband and less to your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I don't go to nightclubs often, so I'm curious as to what the protocol is for this. Sometimes, in the ladies' room, there is a woman there with toiletries, gum, cosmetics, etc. Before you can get your own, she puts soap in your hand and gives you a paper towel. There is a bowl on the counter for people to leave tips. The club manager says she isn't an employee of the club, but simply looking to make tips. I understand this.

My question: Am I supposed to tip her just once for the evening, or each time I use the ladies' room? -- INQUISITIVE CLUBBER IN FLORIDA

DEAR CLUBBER: Tip the attendant each time you use the bathroom and she hands you the soap and towel -- the standard rate is 50 cents to a dollar. However, if you tip the person generously the first time, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it again if you need to return.

DEAR ABBY: I am a self-employed general contractor, and have been for the most part successful. My wife, "Janine," worked in the mortgage industry, but because of the economic downturn hasn't worked in three years.

After her mom provided some financial help to my business eight months ago, Janine decided she wanted to work for me doing the office work and bookkeeping. The problem is, she doesn't show up until late afternoon and stays only a short while. She doesn't get any work done, and then she leaves. She constantly rushes to get the bills paid at the very last minute.

Although my wife is college-educated, she really can't handle the job. Her work ethic is terrible. I started my company and I'm the boss. When Janine doesn't agree with me about something, she yells so loud I'm sure the people who work next door can hear her. I have talked to her about this, and we have fought about it. I tried to fire her but she says if she can't work for my business, we might as well get divorced.

I never wanted a partner and didn't ask for one, and now I feel trapped with an employee from hell. I love Janine and don't want a divorce. How can I get her to quit and still stay married? -- NEEDS HELP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS: Your wife's behavior is immature and inappropriate. If her being in your office is connected to the money her mother loaned you, my advice is to repay it immediately before your wife's "dabbling" as a business partner disrupts the business any further.

You may love Janine, but if the only thing holding your marriage together is allowing her to play at working in the office, then I'm sorry to say you don't have much of a marriage. Wake up and smell the coffee. You need an assistant and your wife needs something else to occupy her time.

DEAR ABBY: I was abused as a child through my teenage years. I told my mom and we talked about it. My stepfather was the molester.

Part of me is still angry about what he did to me, but another part thinks fondly of the life we had as kids. What's wrong with me? Is it normal to have conflicted emotions about a person who hurt you? None of my siblings know about my past. My stepfather is deceased now and so is my mom. -- SURVIVOR IN MARYLAND

DEAR SURVIVOR: You deserve credit for not only being able to acknowledge your pain, but also emotionally mature enough to look back and not diminish the good things. It's a sign that you are healthy. Your feelings are normal, and you are to be congratulated for being able to view your history in its entirety.

DEAR ABBY: The women I work with are now starting to have grandchildren. That's great, but when did it become trendy to have baby showers for the grandmothers? Personally, I think this is over the top. What about you? -- SHOWER OVERLOAD IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SHOWER OVERLOAD: I don't agree. It may have become trendy around the time that so many grandmothers assumed responsibility for raising their grandchildren. Or, the women may be so excited about welcoming a first grandchild that they want to celebrate with a party of their own. Because you feel differently, simply decline the invitations.