DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old grandmother of eight wonderful grandchildren, ranging in age from 2 to 24. My question is about baby-sitting.

I believe my children think we owe them baby-sitting duties. I don't mind baby-sitting once in a while, when I feel like it. But I don't feel like it when the parents want to go out and party, or they tell me at the last minute, "little Susie needs some Grandma time," or they want to go to the gym because they don't want to give up the freedom they had before their children came along.

What are your thoughts on boundaries for this generation of parents-who-want-it-all at the expense of my generation who, back in the day, if a neighbor kid couldn't baby-sit, we just stayed home? I know I should have set some rules at the beginning, but I'm starting to feel resentful of their expectations. -- WANTS SOME FREEDOM, TOO, IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WANTS SOME FREEDOM, TOO: There is truth to the saying that "good fences make good neighbors," and the philosophy applies to many circumstances. Setting clear boundaries makes for healthier relationships. Keep in mind that many grandparents would love to have your "problem." But as you stated, your problem was in not setting ground rules from the beginning.

Because you feel resentful, it's time to have a frank talk with your children and say that as much as the grandkids may "need" Grandma time, Grandma also needs Grandma time. And when you do, be firm -- because unless you stand your ground, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 62 years old and a widower. My wife passed away in July 2011. It has taken me a while to get over losing her. I realize how much she did for me as I have been learning how to be a house husband without a wife.

My wife told me this was the first house she lived in that had a dishwasher. She was so proud of it! I could never understand why she would wash the dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. Now I have to do it myself, I understand why. My question is, is there a detergent that will actually clean the dishes?

Also, do you have any cute readers who would like to teach an old man how to clean house? -- FENDING FOR MYSELF

DEAR FENDING: I'm sorry I can't print your name or location because if I did, you might be crushed in the stampede. If you and your late wife were married 20 or 30 years and the dishwasher was already installed in the house when you moved in, it is now practically an antique. Because you have tried several brands of detergent and your dishes aren't getting clean, you probably need a new dishwasher. (And I do not mean a cute, young one.)

DEAR ABBY: I am not happy. No matter what I do, I am filled with emptiness and loneliness every minute of every single day. Being near friends and family lifts my spirits, but only for a little while. Then I am reminded once more of my loneliness and emptiness.

I feel like I am being consumed by misery, and I don't want to feel like this anymore. Please tell me what to do. -- SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS

DEAR SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS: The feelings you describe can be symptoms of chronic depression, which is a treatable illness. That's why I'm urging you to discuss them with a physician. A combination of medication and talk therapy can help you feel better again, so don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who lives with my mother and my mother's boyfriend. This man has changed my world, and not for the better. The one person I ever cared about has practically turned against me.

My mom tried killing herself for this man and chose him over me after she was released from the institution. I have been diagnosed with depression and have also tried to kill myself. I also have a habit of cutting myself. I stopped, but lately I have been wanting to start again. The only thing that has held me back is her threats of committing me to an institution.

She threatened my boyfriend with the police if he ever spoke to me again after we broke up. When I confronted her, she insisted that she was right and someday I'd understand. She has turned into this person I hardly know, and it's because of her boyfriend's influence. Before, when she was upset she would just not talk to me, but now she calls me the most horrid things and won't apologize unless someone besides me tells her.

I feel so alone. I honestly do want to kill myself, but I haven't because I know it isn't the right thing to do, even if it may seem right. I have tried talking to her. She won't listen to me. What should I do? -- HOPELESS AND ALONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HOPELESS AND ALONE: Because you honestly do want to harm yourself, contact the doctor who diagnosed you with depression. However, if this is about your mother breaking up your romance by threatening to involve the police, you need to understand that the tactic wouldn't have worked unless he had something to fear.

The level of conflict in your home is not healthy. If you are still in school, discuss this with a trusted teacher or school counselor. In one more year you will be 18 and able to make decisions for yourself, but they shouldn't be based on your mother or her boyfriend. They need to be about what is truly best for you.

DEAR ABBY: I hate funerals. My grandfather died when I was 6, and one of my relatives held me over the casket and made me kiss his cold, dead face. It terrified me, and it's all I can remember of my grandfather. I force myself to recall any of the good times we had together, but that event still taints the good memory.

Since then, every funeral I have been to has had the same poisoning effect, no matter what the service was. Funerals are for the living, and I understand that many people feel the need for closure and the sharing of grief to begin healing. But I need to keep my grief and my faith private in order to heal.

I'm sure some people think my not showing up at a service is a sign of disrespect or just not caring. Nothing could be further from the truth. I prefer to remember the good times with the loved one, not the passing. My way of honoring that person is to keep my happy memories untainted.

Am I wrong? Selfish or lazy? Weird or crazy? Please let me know because at my age I'm sure more of these events will happen. -- KEEPING MY DISTANCE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR KEEPING YOUR DISTANCE: You are none of the above. People grieve in different ways. An appropriate way to express your respect for the deceased and your support for the survivors would be to write a condolence letter expressing those feelings and sharing a happy memory with the grieving widow, widower or child. No rule of etiquette demands that you show up to a funeral -- unless it happens to be your own.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a lifeguard for more than 30 years, and I continually see parents and other adults putting children in harm's way. Would you please remind your readers that they need to be vigilant around water? A drowning is nothing like they show in the movies.

As you take your family to your favorite swimming hole this summer, please be careful. If your child isn't a competent swimmer, never allow him or her to go beyond arm's reach. Never exceed the ratio of two nonswimmers to one adult. If possible, stay where the child can touch the bottom.

If your children can swim and you allow them to go into the pool, lake, ocean without you -- always watch them! Yes, lifeguards are observing the swimmers -- but no one on this planet will watch your child with the same vigilance that you will.

So put down the book, the e-reader, the tablet, the cellphone and actively watch. If you're chatting with friends, don't look at them; watch your child. It can take as few as 10 to 20 seconds for a person to get into trouble and slip without a sound beneath the surface. I guarantee you: Your parent-to-child ratio is lower than that of any lifeguard-to-swimmer. -- LIFEGUARD JOHN IN AUBURN, WASH.

DEAR LIFEGUARD JOHN: Your message is important and timely. Every year we read about families basking in the sun near water, and children who have lost their lives because the person who was supposed to be watching them became momentarily distracted. I agree the best way to protect against tragedies like this is unremitting vigilance. Thanks for giving me a chance to say it again.

DEAR ABBY: I have a brother-in-law whom I love dearly who lives out of state and stays in our guest room frequently. I try hard to be a thoughtful hostess. When he comes, we spend the first 45 minutes rearranging the guest room furniture because he likes the bed to face west. Currently, it faces north, as do the nightstands and the dresser.

I accommodate him, but frankly, it's getting very old. Am I being nasty to want our furniture arranged the way we're comfortable? Or must I allow him to rearrange it the way he wants it? He is here for only 24 hours and then leaves. -- GOOD HOSTESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOSTESS: Your brother-in-law may be a frustrated interior decorator, or want the room to be the way he sleeps at home. A good hostess tries to accommodate the needs of her guests; however, if the furniture in your house has been moved, your brother-in-law should put it back the way it was before he leaves.

DEAR ABBY: Do you or your readers think it's acceptable for a father to ask his 21-year-old college student son whether he and his girlfriend of one year are sexually active? This is his first girlfriend.

I am his mother, and I say it's none of our business. My husband says it's a reasonable question; he just wants to give him fatherly advice -- like "be careful." -- MOM IN COLORADO

DEAR MOM: Would you still say it's none of your business if your son made his first girlfriend pregnant? I would, however, caution your husband to be more tactful about how he approaches the subject because a blunt question like the one he's contemplating could be off-putting. If he has birth control information he wants to impart, a better way to approach it would be to raise the subject without putting his son on the spot.