DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who lives with my mother and my mother's boyfriend. This man has changed my world, and not for the better. The one person I ever cared about has practically turned against me.

My mom tried killing herself for this man and chose him over me after she was released from the institution. I have been diagnosed with depression and have also tried to kill myself. I also have a habit of cutting myself. I stopped, but lately I have been wanting to start again. The only thing that has held me back is her threats of committing me to an institution.

She threatened my boyfriend with the police if he ever spoke to me again after we broke up. When I confronted her, she insisted that she was right and someday I'd understand. She has turned into this person I hardly know, and it's because of her boyfriend's influence. Before, when she was upset she would just not talk to me, but now she calls me the most horrid things and won't apologize unless someone besides me tells her.

I feel so alone. I honestly do want to kill myself, but I haven't because I know it isn't the right thing to do, even if it may seem right. I have tried talking to her. She won't listen to me. What should I do? -- HOPELESS AND ALONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HOPELESS AND ALONE: Because you honestly do want to harm yourself, contact the doctor who diagnosed you with depression. However, if this is about your mother breaking up your romance by threatening to involve the police, you need to understand that the tactic wouldn't have worked unless he had something to fear.

The level of conflict in your home is not healthy. If you are still in school, discuss this with a trusted teacher or school counselor. In one more year you will be 18 and able to make decisions for yourself, but they shouldn't be based on your mother or her boyfriend. They need to be about what is truly best for you.

DEAR ABBY: I hate funerals. My grandfather died when I was 6, and one of my relatives held me over the casket and made me kiss his cold, dead face. It terrified me, and it's all I can remember of my grandfather. I force myself to recall any of the good times we had together, but that event still taints the good memory.

Since then, every funeral I have been to has had the same poisoning effect, no matter what the service was. Funerals are for the living, and I understand that many people feel the need for closure and the sharing of grief to begin healing. But I need to keep my grief and my faith private in order to heal.

I'm sure some people think my not showing up at a service is a sign of disrespect or just not caring. Nothing could be further from the truth. I prefer to remember the good times with the loved one, not the passing. My way of honoring that person is to keep my happy memories untainted.

Am I wrong? Selfish or lazy? Weird or crazy? Please let me know because at my age I'm sure more of these events will happen. -- KEEPING MY DISTANCE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR KEEPING YOUR DISTANCE: You are none of the above. People grieve in different ways. An appropriate way to express your respect for the deceased and your support for the survivors would be to write a condolence letter expressing those feelings and sharing a happy memory with the grieving widow, widower or child. No rule of etiquette demands that you show up to a funeral -- unless it happens to be your own.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a lifeguard for more than 30 years, and I continually see parents and other adults putting children in harm's way. Would you please remind your readers that they need to be vigilant around water? A drowning is nothing like they show in the movies.

As you take your family to your favorite swimming hole this summer, please be careful. If your child isn't a competent swimmer, never allow him or her to go beyond arm's reach. Never exceed the ratio of two nonswimmers to one adult. If possible, stay where the child can touch the bottom.

If your children can swim and you allow them to go into the pool, lake, ocean without you -- always watch them! Yes, lifeguards are observing the swimmers -- but no one on this planet will watch your child with the same vigilance that you will.

So put down the book, the e-reader, the tablet, the cellphone and actively watch. If you're chatting with friends, don't look at them; watch your child. It can take as few as 10 to 20 seconds for a person to get into trouble and slip without a sound beneath the surface. I guarantee you: Your parent-to-child ratio is lower than that of any lifeguard-to-swimmer. -- LIFEGUARD JOHN IN AUBURN, WASH.

DEAR LIFEGUARD JOHN: Your message is important and timely. Every year we read about families basking in the sun near water, and children who have lost their lives because the person who was supposed to be watching them became momentarily distracted. I agree the best way to protect against tragedies like this is unremitting vigilance. Thanks for giving me a chance to say it again.

DEAR ABBY: I have a brother-in-law whom I love dearly who lives out of state and stays in our guest room frequently. I try hard to be a thoughtful hostess. When he comes, we spend the first 45 minutes rearranging the guest room furniture because he likes the bed to face west. Currently, it faces north, as do the nightstands and the dresser.

I accommodate him, but frankly, it's getting very old. Am I being nasty to want our furniture arranged the way we're comfortable? Or must I allow him to rearrange it the way he wants it? He is here for only 24 hours and then leaves. -- GOOD HOSTESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOSTESS: Your brother-in-law may be a frustrated interior decorator, or want the room to be the way he sleeps at home. A good hostess tries to accommodate the needs of her guests; however, if the furniture in your house has been moved, your brother-in-law should put it back the way it was before he leaves.

DEAR ABBY: Do you or your readers think it's acceptable for a father to ask his 21-year-old college student son whether he and his girlfriend of one year are sexually active? This is his first girlfriend.

I am his mother, and I say it's none of our business. My husband says it's a reasonable question; he just wants to give him fatherly advice -- like "be careful." -- MOM IN COLORADO

DEAR MOM: Would you still say it's none of your business if your son made his first girlfriend pregnant? I would, however, caution your husband to be more tactful about how he approaches the subject because a blunt question like the one he's contemplating could be off-putting. If he has birth control information he wants to impart, a better way to approach it would be to raise the subject without putting his son on the spot.

DEAR ABBY: I travel a lot in my work with animal protection. Often I'll encounter dogs and cats in distress as soon as I reach the airport. Distracted by their own thoughts, their owners seldom realize they're upsetting the pets they're carrying through the terminal.

Animal carriers are carelessly swung to and fro, banged against counters, chairs and onto the floor. Cat or dog shoulder bags are dangled at angles that make it impossible for the animal inside to balance. These poor pets can be confused, dizzy and suffer from motion sickness before the flight even takes off.

Traveling is stressful enough for animals. So please, everyone -- if you fly with an animal companion, keep it foremost in your thoughts. Use a sturdy, well-ventilated carrier, preferably one with wheels, that's designed for animals and to fit under your seat. And please, keep the carrier upright and steady. -- ANIMAL LOVER IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: Thank you for the heads up. In case someone's pet might have other issues while traveling, it's always a good idea to talk about it with a veterinarian before embarking. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old guy and for as long as I can remember my parents have yelled at me. It lasts for hours at a time at night after they come home from work almost every day. It's never about me doing something bad, but how I never do anything up to their expectations.

I don't know if they're right or wrong, but it makes me depressed and I have been thinking about suicide. I have never been able to have an opinion of my own because as soon as I had one my parents would yell at me all over again and call me "stupid and retarded."

I cry myself to sleep at night hoping God will put me to sleep forever. Please tell me what to do. -- JUSTIN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR JUSTIN: Verbal abuse -- which is what you are describing -- can be every bit as destructive as physical abuse. Perhaps it's time to consider moving out. With the constant verbal battering you're receiving, it's no wonder you're depressed.

Harming yourself is not the answer to your problem. Because you have reached the point of wanting to hurt yourself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The number is 800-784-2433. A counselor there can direct you to the help you need. You may have to build your self-esteem from the ground up, but the effort will be well worth it. My thoughts are with you.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago my mother joined Facebook and I readily accepted her friend request. I'm a 30-something IT specialist, but Mom is new to the Internet.

There are times I have gone online and seen posts in which my mother is arguing with my friends about their lifestyles. I have friends and business contacts from all over the world, and their backgrounds are highly varied as are their belief and value systems.

I have told Mom in private and public discussions that she owes someone an apology, but she shrugs it off.

Am I wrong for asking her to respect my friends, and would you suggest I "unfriend" my mother until she learns proper Internet etiquette? -- DIGITAL FAMILY MAN

DEAR FAMILY MAN: Because what your mother is doing could negatively affect your business, you should do exactly that. And quickly!