DEAR ABBY: My grandmother made the decision to move to an assisted-living facility two years ago. She left most of her belongings in her farmhouse, which has sat empty since then. Her health is fine, so she should be around for many years. It has already been decided that my dad will inherit the house, but he doesn't want to live there anytime soon because of the location. (It's way out in the country.)

I'm afraid the house is going to become unlivable if it sits for years without utilities or anyone taking care of it. Dad mows the grass, but that's about it, and all of Grandma's belongings are collecting dead flies. Nobody seems to care but me. Dad has three siblings, and between them there are nine grandchildren. How do I get my family to take care of Grandma's house? -- CONSCIENTIOUS IN KANSAS CITY, KAN.

DEAR CONSCIENTIOUS: Your father may be inheriting the house, but is he also inheriting all of the contents? If the answer is no, there should be a family discussion about the disposition of the furniture, clothing, linens and any possible heirloom items.

I agree with you that nothing good can happen to the house if no one is paying attention. It's an invitation to theft or vandalism. The house should be cleaned and dusted. The furniture should be covered with sheets to keep it as free of dust as possible. Someone should check the place at least once a month.

If no one else in the family is willing to step up to the plate and help out, because you are conscientious, it looks like you're elected. If it's too much for you, perhaps a caretaker could be hired to watch over, or possibly live in, the house.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Joe," is 19, a high school graduate living at home with his dad and me until he leaves for college next year. He will be paying his tuition, and we are charging him a token rent ($100/month) while he's not in school. He eats dinner with us most nights, and I usually do his laundry. He has a part-time job.

This has been working out fine except for one thing. Joe has a longtime girlfriend, and he has been spending some nights at her house. (She lives alone.) We haven't forbidden this because he's an adult, and I worry that if we say no he will move in with her. However, we are not comfortable with his spending nights there.

Part of our objection is we don't like the example it sets for his 13-year-old sister, but aside from that we don't think it's a good idea, although we can't say why. We know they're sexually active regardless of who sleeps where. Are we old-fashioned, or is it reasonable to ask him not to spend the whole night with his girlfriend? -- OLD-SCHOOL PARENT

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: Because you have misgivings about your son spending the night at his girlfriend's, you and your husband should talk to him about it together. Although he is an adult, I agree that what's going on sends a wrong message to his younger sister who, unless you talk to her about your family values, will think this is acceptable.

You should also take time to think through why you are uneasy about what your son is doing. If it has anything to do with worry about an unplanned pregnancy, your husband might be able to get through to him better than you can. If he intends to complete his college education, becoming a father could slow him down, if not end it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was married recently and has been sending out her thank-you notes. When she checked her registry to determine if all her gifts had been accounted for, she saw that her stepbrother and his wife purchased a gift, but it was not mailed by the department store.

We're assuming that it was brought to the wedding, but it's nowhere to be found. How can we resolve this delicate situation? She wants to tell her sister-in-law, but she is concerned it might have been an oversight and be embarrassing. She plans to contact the wedding venue, but it has been three weeks and you'd think if something had been left behind that they would have contacted her. We are also going to check with the friends who packed up the cars. Any other ideas? -- STEVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR STEVE: Because your daughter knows a gift was purchased by her stepbrother and his wife, she should ask them how it was to be delivered because it might have been lost en route. Such things have been known to happen, which is why it is always wise to request that a merchant provide proof of delivery. That way the recipient signs for the package, and everyone is assured it didn't "fall off the truck."

I doubt the stepbrother and his wife, having gone to the expense of buying something, would have forgotten to give it to your daughter. I also doubt the couple who packed up the gifts would have overlooked one. As to the venue where the wedding was held, one would think that if a package had been left behind they would contact the family that rented the place, if only to protect their reputation.

DEAR ABBY: We recently moved to another neighborhood. Most of the residents are elderly. Our closest neighbors are a very nice couple in their 70s. We've gotten along well, but a problem has arisen and I'm not sure how to handle it.

I am a keen do-it-yourself enthusiast. When I get home from work at 2 p.m., I love to go into my workshop and work on one of the many projects I always have going. I'll do this for a couple of hours until my wife and kids get home. I admit, it probably gets a bit noisy with all the power tools, hammers, etc., and I usually leave the door open to let some air in.

My neighbor approached me today and told me his wife usually naps from 2 to 4 every afternoon, and the noise I make is disturbing her. Until he told me that, I had no idea their downstairs bedroom is only a few feet from our communal fence. (My workshop is right up against the fence.)

Would it be rude to suggest she find another time to nap or maybe sleep in another room? I can't imagine having to sit around and waste time every afternoon waiting for her to finish her nap, especially since she has most of the day to nap while I'm at work. This doesn't seem fair to me. My wife thinks I'm being a bit hard, so we agreed to accept your opinion on this. -- D.I.Y. GUY

DEAR D.I.Y. GUY: I'm pretty sure your neighbor's wife takes her naps at the time of day when she needs one, and she would be unable to adjust her sleep schedule to accommodate you. However, your idea of suggesting she try sleeping in another part of the house so she won't be disturbed is a good one.

Or you might agree to a compromise so she starts her mid-day rest period a little earlier, and you start your projects a little later. That way you would both get what you need.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and it has been wonderful. He's amazing and sweet.

We went to the movies for our anniversary and about 50 minutes into it, he turned to me, said he didn't like the movie and he wanted to leave. I was enjoying it, but I didn't want to force him to watch it, so we left. When we were out of the theater I asked him why he didn't like it, and he told me he didn't want to discuss it. I pressured him for an answer a little bit, but he told me to forget it.

This has been bugging me. Should I leave it alone? I understand it's not that big a deal, but he has done this a few times before -- not explaining things when I ask. I am confused about why he won't tell me. -- PUZZLED IN THE MULTIPLEX

DEAR PUZZLED: There may have been something in the movie that made your boyfriend uncomfortable. Perhaps it triggered a memory of something in his past that he didn't want to be reminded of. Or, he may have been bored by the film and so centered on himself that he didn't care that you were enjoying it.

Your boyfriend may be wonderful and amazing, but he also appears to be a poor communicator. This would be a deal-breaker with some women. Only he can tell you why he's this way, but if he hasn't opened up in the year you have been seeing each other, it isn't likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has erectile dysfunction for which he takes medication. He gets it from a friend. I have discovered he takes the medication with him when he travels. He swears he isn't cheating on me and that he's faithful. Should I believe him? -- SUSPICIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I confess, my knee-jerk reaction after reading your letter was, "Uh-oh!" Then I picked up the phone and called Bruce Landres, M.D., in Los Angeles. His first words were, "That's an interesting question." He then went on to say that if your husband has prostate problems in addition to his erectile dysfunction, you should believe him, because last October the FDA approved a low dose of one particular E.D. drug for the treatment of benign prostate hypertrophy (BPH). (This low dose is not enough to assist in infidelity.)

You should discuss this further with your husband because it would be much safer for him to get this kind of medication from his physician, who knows his medical history, since E.D. drugs can sometimes cause serious side effects.

P.S. Another thought: It's also possible your husband watches adult videos when he travels and needs "the pill" for his own entertainment. You'll never know unless you ask him.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law passed away five months ago. I was given the option of taking a winter coat of hers, which I gladly accepted. When would it be appropriate to wear it around my husband's family? -- STILL MOURNING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STILL MOURNING: I'm sorry for your loss. The time to wear the coat would be when the temperature drops enough that you feel you need it. And when you do, if someone should recognize it and comment, just say you are wearing her coat because it helps you feel closer to her; it's like a warm hug from heaven.