DEAR ABBY: I was recently hired for a job I have wanted for years. I am a counselor for troubled teens. I love it, and I empathize with those I work with. (Ten years ago, I was a teen placed in a similar facility for some of the same reasons.)

The problem is, when I was in a dark period of my life, I was a cutter. I still have deep scars on one arm that are noticeable. How do I handle this now that I'm in the psychological field? I don't wish to go into detail about my past, as that would be poor boundaries as an employee and counselor. But it's hard to avoid with hot summer weather here and my past literally "on my sleeve."

Please help. Some actions have permanent consequences. I hope this will remind other cutters that their wounds may be something they wish they could undo once they are emotionally healed. -- NAMELESS IN AMERICA

DEAR NAMELESS: I hope your comments will remind other cutters not only that actions have consequences, but also that there are more effective solutions for emotional pain than self-injury. This is something you should discuss with your employers. My thinking is, if your clients see your scars, it may help them to talk about their own cutting, which would be therapeutic.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became a father for the third time. My children are 18, 5 and 3 weeks old. My wife, "Molly," had complications during this last pregnancy that caused her blood pressure to remain in a heightened state for the last few months of her pregnancy. She had been hoping for a little girl, but we were blessed with another boy.

I'm turning 40 and my wife is 37. I have reached a point in my life where I'm ready to be done changing diapers, but Molly wants to try again for a little girl. I have issues with my back and have a hard time getting to my 5-year-old's level now. I'm afraid if we continue having children, I'll be unable to be the involved dad I want to be.

Am I a bad husband for feeling this way? I don't want Molly to go through life regretting not having the daughter she always wanted, but there is no guarantee it will happen if we decide to try again.

I make a fair living, but with additional mouths to feed come additional financial responsibilities. I'm afraid I won't be able to provide for my growing family as I need to. Am I right in my thinking, or am I being overly cautious? -- STOPPING AT THREE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STOPPING AT THREE: You are thinking clearly. At 37, and with her medical history, your wife would be considered "at risk" if she becomes pregnant again. While I sympathize with the fact that she yearns for a daughter, allow me to share a true story with you:

A man was in a similar situation to yours, but he had four daughters. So he and his wife decided they would try "one more time" for a son. Sure enough, his wife became pregnant. She delivered beautiful identical twin ... daughters. At that point he gave up and had a vasectomy!

DEAR ABBY: I have led an unusual life. I lived abroad alone in my late teens, spent my early 20s exploring the West, and finished my college degree a year early while working full time. It gave me independence, experience and clarity.

My problem is, in dating I feel leagues ahead of men who are my age. I am attracted to much older men. My current boyfriend is 15 years older than I am. The age gap is often a topic of conversation among my acquaintances, co-workers and some family members. My boyfriend has also experienced unwanted comments about dating a much younger woman.

What are your thoughts on who a person should be dating in her early 20s? And how should I deal with those who believe I am breaking a social code? -- OLD SOUL IN COLORADO

DEAR OLD SOUL: I can't give you an unbiased opinion because when I was in my early 20s, I dated older men. They liked to talk, I liked to listen, and I learned a great deal about life from them. I hope the same will be true for you.

As to how you should deal with people who accuse you of breaking a social norm, unless they have a valid reason for criticizing the man you're dating, I think you should tune them out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old woman who is afraid of my true feelings. I have been friends with a woman who is a lesbian for seven years. I have always been attracted to women -- especially her -- but I have always dated men.

I have just ended a five-year relationship, and over the past few months my friend and I have grown very close. I am starting to have feelings for her sexually. I think about her all the time. She's beautiful, smart, inspiring and has an amazing personality.

My problem is, I have an 8-year-old daughter, and I don't know how she would handle it if I were to date a woman instead of a man. I am also afraid of how my family would react.

Our attraction is unspoken, but I can see it when I look into her eyes. Should I admit my feelings or should we remain friends? -- AFRAID OF MY TRUE FEELINGS IN OHIO

DEAR AFRAID: I am reluctant to advise you to spend the rest of your life living a lie in order to avoid upsetting your family, because I don't think it would be healthy for you.

Talk to your friend. Once you are sure the relationship with this woman is serious, mutual and lasting, you can tell your daughter you are dating. Children are adaptable, and this may be less of a surprise to her than you fear. My advice is to listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my son get along better with me when they're not together. When I am there, they gang up on me and become adversarial. I have reached a point where I hate to be around them at the same time.

I don't know what to do about this. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he gets angry and blames me. I don't think I can take much more. What do you think about this? -- THREE'S A CROWD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: If picking on you is part of their male bonding, it's unhealthy. Your husband may do it because he has underlying anger issues he doesn't express directly to you. Your son may participate because his father encourages it, but he should not be allowed to treat you with disrespect.

Before this takes a further toll on your marriage, the three of you should get family counseling. If that doesn't help, you may need individual counseling to help you either stand up for yourself or decide whether you can continue living this way.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old woman who would like your take on a problem I have with several married female friends and my married sister. During the many years I have been close to these couples, the women seem unable to have one-on-one conversations, outings or a lunch date with me without including their husbands.

Several times after making a lunch date, one friend, unbeknownst to me, has called her husband and invited him as well. Another friend's husband never seems to allow her to talk to me alone, and will even be on speaker or another phone listening -- again, unbeknownst to me until he suddenly says something.

My sister will not read her emails from me, but instead has her husband read them aloud to her while she's doing something else and then dictates a few words to reply to me with. Consequently, I stopped emailing her and told her why.

There is nothing I would say to these ladies that I wouldn't want their husbands to hear, but can you tell me why certain women feel a need to include their spouses in their female relationships in this manner? At the very least, I feel it is extremely rude. -- FRUSTRATED WITH MY BFFs

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your friends may assume that you like their husbands' company as much as they do. They may feel that because they tell their spouses "everything," their menfolk might as well hear what you have to say directly from you. Or their husbands may be retired or semi-retired and have no social lives of their own. Of course, the way to get a direct answer to your question would be to ask them why they do this, and because you feel it is rude, you should tell them.

As to your sister, she may be too busy with household chores to read your emails and reply to them, which is why she has her husband read them to her, or you may have sent more than she can handle. Not sending her any more emails is not the solution; telling her how you feel might be.

DEAR ABBY: Last year a neighbor confided to me that she had been sexually assaulted. In an effort to both show and invite compassion, I told her I empathized with her because I had been assaulted on multiple occasions as a child and teen decades ago.

I have now learned that this woman has told other neighbors that I "had sex with a lot of men," but she failed to put it in the context that I was a child victim of multiple predators.

How should I respond to this? Should I ignore the situation or explain the truth to the neighbors? I don't know whether or not to confront the woman who divulged the information. I am shocked that she'd do such a thing.

I have no shame or guilt issues over what happened to me because I worked through that long ago. But I'm at a loss about what, if anything, I should do. I have already learned the painful lesson that she wasn't worthy of my trust and has serious issues of her own.

What are your thoughts on this matter? -- RE-VICTIMIZED

DEAR RE-VICTIMIZED: You have every right to be angry with the blabbermouth. Because the word is out, set the record straight with the neighbors who were kind enough to tell you your confidence wasn't respected. And in the future, I wouldn't blame you if you avoided the woman who started the rumors whenever possible, and let her know why.