DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl and I had a big argument with my mom. It's about her drinking. I have tried to get her to stop because most of the money she makes goes straight to her alcohol, but instead of talking it out, she starts yelling. She says it's her life and we can't tell her what to do with her money.

I have five younger sisters and brothers, and I try to come up with the money myself from baby-sitting. I feel as if my younger siblings are my children. I am so fed up with my mother's behavior. Should I keep talking to her about it or leave it be? -- CAN'T DO IT ALL ON GUAM

DEAR CAN'T DO IT ALL: As long as your mother continues to deny that she has a drinking problem, there is nothing you can do to help her without further putting her on the defensive. But you may be able to find support from Alateen.

Alateen is a group for teens that was established specially for young people who are affected by the drinking problem of someone close to them. You would also be welcome at a weekly Al-Anon meeting in Chalan Pago. For more information on Al-Anon and Alateen, visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, email wso@al-anon.org or call 888-4AL-ANON.

At your tender age, you should not have to assume financial responsibility for your younger siblings. You should discuss this with your clergyperson, a teacher at school or another trusted adult because they may be able to get you some help from a social services organization.

DEAR ABBY: A relative of mine has a 5-year-old son who is at least 20 or 30 pounds overweight. Everyone in the family is concerned about it, but no one knows how to bring it up to the parents without offending them. We don't understand how the parents or grandparents don't see his weight as an issue.

Bullying is a huge deal among children, and we fear he might have trouble with other kids his age teasing him. However, we are more worried about his health than anything. Being that overweight is a lot for anyone, but especially a young child. What should we do? -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN CHICAGO

DEAR SOMEONE WHO CARES: How do you know the child's parents and grandparents don't see his weight as an issue? A way to raise the subject would be to mention your concern and ask what the boy's pediatrician has had to say about it. While years ago doctors may have been reluctant to raise the issue, today they are much less so because the American Medical Association has declared obesity to be a disease.

Also, as a relative, try to include the boy in physical activity you engage in.

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old granddaughter, Brayleigh, is friendly and outgoing. If you see us in the grocery store, she will probably smile at you and say, "Hi." She would love it if you smiled back and said it too, but please, resist the urge to touch her.

Your kids or grandkids may giggle when you play "got your nose" or "tickle your belly" with them, but that's because they know and trust you. You are a total stranger to Brayleigh, even if you know me. While you may mean well, imagine a total stranger rushing up and putting their hands all over you! Abby, how about passing along the message? -- BRAYLEIGH'S GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: I'm glad to help. No one should touch a child without first asking permission from the adult who is accompanying the little boy or girl. Not only could the child be frightened by it, but the parent could misunderstand and it could lead to an altercation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old transgender woman who has just started her journey. Feeling more comfortable in my skin, I have been going to some local hangouts with some friends from work and meeting straight men. My question is, when is it appropriate to disclose that I am a preoperative trans woman?

I have tried online dating on trans-friendly websites, as well as visited the local transgender bar, but those men tend only to be looking for sex, and I am looking for more than that. I would love your advice on the matter. -- STARTING MY JOURNEY

DEAR STARTING: For your safety, it is important that you disclose your status early, before there is any sex involved. If you don't, the straight man could react violently and possibly put you in danger.

At this point, it would be a good idea to contact PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) because it can put you in touch with resources to help you through your journey. The largest increase in new individuals reaching out to PFLAG is now among people with "trans" issues -- and this includes both trans individuals and their family members.

It is critically important to seek out a culturally competent therapist to help you with specific issues. To find referrals and a local chapter, visit pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in Afghanistan for a year. When he returns, I want to ask him to get tested for STDs before we have sex. I do not have any specific reason to think he would be having sex with someone while deployed, but let's face it. He's a man, and a year is a long time to abstain when there are females present. I have seen text messages from his buddies that read, "What happens on deployment stays on deployment," regarding them cheating on their spouses.

How do I approach the subject in the most effective way? I know that when I do, he will be mad, but it's not the first time that STDs have been a problem in our relationship. Help! -- THINKING OF MY HEALTH

DEAR THINKING OF YOUR HEALTH: One would think that a man who loves his wife would want to be absolutely positive that he wouldn't give her a sexually transmitted infection. However, because your husband has given you one before, it is perfectly logical that you tell him it is the reason you want him to be tested before resuming your marital relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single 32-year-old who lives across the country from my family. I have two sets of grandparents who both send me birthday and holiday cards containing checks.

The problem is, I earn close to six figures, which is far more than my grandparents' income in retirement, and I have only myself to support. I typically shred their checks when I receive them.

Should I continue to do this, or should I tell them that as much as I appreciate the sentiment, a simple card would be fine? -- SECRETLY SHREDDING IN SEATTLE

DEAR S.S. IN S.: When a check isn't cashed, it is obvious to the check writer, and it can cause problems in balancing the person's checkbook. I think your solution to tell them you no longer need the checks is a good one.

DEAR ABBY: Legal marijuana is making my best friend stupid, boring and insipid. "Susan" and I are in our 50s and have been best friends off and on since childhood. A decade ago, we started taking better care of our friendship because so few longtime friends were still in our lives. Since then, I have been careful not to be judgmental or condescending because it was the source of past friction.

Susan is a regular marijuana user, which has sapped away all of her ambition and curiosity. Even when she isn't actually high, she lacks the cleverness and mental acuity I have always treasured about her. Otherwise, her life is functional. She's in a good marriage, loves her pets and enjoys her job. I think if I said anything, it would cause a major rift.

Should I just limit our time together and accept this is how things are going to be from now on? I'm a widow who has lost my parents and others to illness. I have other friends and family, but I don't want to lose my old chum, even though being around her is starting to make me sad. -- FRIENDSHIP GOING TO POT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR F.G.T.P.: As people grow older, long and well-established relationships become more precious. But much as we might wish otherwise, relationships do not always remain the same. Because you are no longer receiving what you need from your interactions with Susan, I agree you may need to see her less often.

In light of your long relationship, I don't think it would be offensive to tell her you have noticed a change in her and you miss the person she used to be. However, are you absolutely certain that what you have observed is caused by marijuana? If you're not, then consider sharing your observation with Susan's husband, in case her lack of sharpness could be the result of another medication she's using or a neurological problem.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for one year. Yesterday I put all the pieces together and realized he's been cheating on me.

I called the other woman, and after she regained her composure and heard she is a mistress, she told me everything. She gave me the answers I desperately needed, and I am thankful for her honesty and -- surprisingly -- her compassion.

Now I need to move forward. I am crushed, and even though he can't explain why he cheated, I still want to know why. He says he's going to counseling, which is something I have been begging him to do since I had a miscarriage last summer.

Will he change? Or should I continue to pack the house and move on? -- CRUSHED IN CHICAGO

DEAR CRUSHED: Much depends upon the reason your husband started cheating. If it was a way to avoid experiencing the pain of the loss of the baby, it's possible that with counseling the two of you can get beyond this.

I suggest you ask to be included in one or more of the counseling sessions. If he agrees, at least you will know he is seeing a therapist. If not, you will have to decide whether you have had enough loss in one year to last you a lifetime, and whether you still have a future together.