DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for almost 15 years. In that time, my ex-husband has been self-employed and works out of his home. He rarely leaves his house, and I think he suffers from depression.

At a school honors event for our daughter for which most of the attendees dressed for the occasion, he arrived in dirty shorts and a T-shirt. I sat next to him to be polite, until I realized he also smelled awful. When I tried to excuse myself saying I needed a "better seat for my camera," he got up, too! It was an unpleasant two hours. I felt bad for the others in our vicinity.

I have tried to suggest that he may suffer from depression in the past, but he denies it. Is there anything I can say that won't be resented (with him possibly showing up even more disheveled the next time just out of spite)? -- UNPLEASANT SITUATION, GETTYSBURG, PA.

DEAR UNPLEASANT SITUATION: While you may have ended your marriage 15 years ago, it doesn't appear you have truly divorced yourself from your ex. Rather than having pussy-footed around the reason you wanted to change your seat, you should have told him it was because he smelled like a goat and showed he lacked enough respect for those around him and his daughter to shower and put on clean clothes.

He may -- or may not -- suffer from depression. Because he denies it, there is no way you can force him into treatment. You are no longer responsible for his attire or his welfare.

Because you're concerned that he may show up looking more disheveled "out of spite," you have my permission to distance yourself if it happens. And if your daughter is embarrassed by his attire, she has every right to talk to her father about it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a small-business owner. I have an educational supply and toy store. Business has been pretty good, even through the hard times.

My problem is my customers' children are about to put me out of business. They are out of control. They climb on shelving, open products, tear things apart and throw screaming tantrums.

Their parents let them run through the store like it's a playground. I have signs posted at the entrance and around the store reminding parents to attend to their children.

We have lost a lot of inventory due to these brats, and my time is consumed trying to keep them in line instead of working with my customers. I don't go to their homes and wreck them. I wish they'd show the same respect for my business. Thanks for any advice you can offer. -- HAD IT WITH OVERINDULGED KIDS

DEAR HAD IT: If possible, designate a small area of your store where kids can go to play while their parents are shopping. Also, post a sign at the cash register that reads: "Customers Will Be Charged for Broken or Damaged Items."

The problem you are experiencing is one that is shared by many other retailers. If any of them are reading this column, I'd love to know how they resolved this problem.

DEAR ABBY: Since my mother passed away, I feel awkward when my parents' anniversary comes up. I don't want to ignore this important date for my father (we are very close), but I don't feel saying "Happy Anniversary" is appropriate either. What do you suggest? -- REMEMBERING IN ORANGE COUNTY, CALIF.

DEAR REMEMBERING: Your father already knows what the date means. Pick up the phone, say, "Dad, I'm thinking about you and I love you," and if he lives close by, invite him to dinner if he doesn't have plans.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has moved our motor home into our driveway and lets our 8-year-old grandson and the neighborhood boys play inside without supervision. I am furious about it because they can -- and often do -- mess up a whole lot of stuff, and worse, it leaves us open for a lawsuit if anyone gets hurt!

I can't convince him that it's not OK to let the boys play inside. Actually, I think he knows it, but our grandson only has to whine or cry and my husband folds. Can you help me get through to him? -- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMA: I probably can't do much better than you, but I'm willing to bet that your family lawyer and your insurance agent can. Notify them about what's going on, and let them tell your husband what the consequences will be if anything unforeseen should happen.

DEAR ABBY: I have started working at a cafe. My best friend works there, and she helped me get the job. I work with her often, and when I ask questions, she keeps doing stuff for me and won't let me learn. I have to learn by doing.

When I go home, I feel like I'm not good at it, and I start missing my co-workers from my old job. I miss my old work because we had so much fun and always goofed around.

I don't know how to enjoy my new job, and I get all quiet around my friend because she obviously realizes when I'm not doing something right. How do I keep up a good attitude or tell her she's driving me crazy? -- SAD GIRL IN UTAH

DEAR SAD GIRL: A way to change your attitude would be to stop asking your friend to coach you. People have different learning styles. Obviously, yours is not the same as your friend's. The person who should be teaching you is your boss. Because new routines take practice to master, have him or her show you the ropes so you can mirror what that person is doing.

DEAR READERS: After I printed the letter from "Can't Believe It Down South" (May 13), about the grandfather who is insisting that his granddaughter's Greek fiance change his last name "because it is too long and impossible to pronounce," I loved what you had to say. Some of your comments made me laugh, so I'm sharing them with you:

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter from "Can't Believe It," and I have just the response for him:

"Dear Grandpa: Don't worry. With the wedding eight weeks away, you will have plenty of time to learn to say 'Mrs. Papageorgiou.'

"By the way, we have decided on the reception menu: spanakotyropita, tsipouradika and kolokythoanthoi, all washed down with ouzomezedhes." -- GET YOUR OWN NAME

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, my cousin was a rabid Burt Reynolds fan. Her friend, a flight attendant, was on the same plane as Burt, so she asked him for an autographed photo for my cousin. Burt spelled her name wrong, and when my cousin saw it, she said, "Oh, well. I don't mind changing the spelling for HIM!" -- "ABBDICT" IN GERMANY

DEAR ABBY: Dang! That granddad sure is a pain in the Acropolis. -- GENE OF AQUITAINE

DEAR ABBY: President John F. Kennedy proclaimed the ringing of the bells nationwide on Independence Day, July 4, 1963, with the words, "Let's ring freedom bells!" I was a White House special projects aide at the time, and I recall vividly how exciting it was when bells rang throughout the nation.

I'm writing now to ask your help in getting the American people to ring bells again on this Fourth of July, and each Fourth every year from now on.

As a grateful American, I hope to resurrect this proud tradition. Let us tune in with each other and our history by ringing bells at 2 p.m. this July 4 in honor of the 237th anniversary of our independence. Encourage churches and civic buildings with bells to ring them. It doesn't cost any money to do it.

The first groups to support this national effort include baseball teams, the National Cartoonists Society, and the Iron Workers, Firefighters and Sheet Metal Workers unions along with other AFL-CIO affiliates.

As we celebrate our freedom, let us also honor the lives of those who sacrificed theirs for our precious liberty. Your millions of readers can help "let freedom ring." -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: I'm pleased to join you in this national effort. Readers, engraved on the Liberty Bell are the words, "Proclaim LIBERTY throughout all the Land unto all the inhabitants thereof." So let's do it. Shake any bell you happen to have. Our freedom is something to celebrate!

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a married man for more than a year. He's my boss. "Gerry" has two kids with his wife and two more outside the marriage.

I have never been the type to date someone else's man, nor do I approve of it. I know that what I'm doing is wrong, but at times it just feels so right. We do everything together and enjoy each other's company.

Is it possible for him to be in love with us both? Why do men cheat? -- THE OTHER WOMAN IN ALABAMA

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: What you're doing with your boss may "feel" right, but as you clearly stated, it is wrong. It isn't fair to his wife, or to you or his children. While the two of you are doing "everything" together, he is cheating all four of his children of time that should be spent being a parent to them.

As to whether this man is in love with you and his wife, frankly I doubt it. He appears to be more in love with himself. Men cheat for a variety of reasons, and more often than not, it's more about the cheater than the spouse. Consider that fact carefully before wasting any more precious years with him, because you will never get them back.

DEAR ABBY: My husband needed a car to replace the old one, so he insisted on a manual transmission, which I don't know how to drive. Do you think that's fair?

He said, "Oh, you can learn." I am 58 and nervous, and I have heard it said that many a clutch got burned out by "learning." I don't want to do that. What do you say? -- SHIRLEY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SHIRLEY: While I understand your concern about a stick shift, your husband has told you you can learn to use one. I recommend that you learn by driving his car.

While many a gear may have been stripped by a novice driver, some have not. Think of it this way: You may be a natural. And if you're not -- well, he asked for it.