DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from "Gun-Shy in South Carolina" (March 5), about the antics of her gun-toting, alcoholic father-in-law, caught my attention. I'm a former mental health clinician and program inspector. I discussed that letter with a friend who is a psychiatrist.

"Grandpa" has probably already violated a municipal ordinance regarding discharging a firearm in corporate limits. I agree with you that he has endangered his grandchildren. My friend advised that, according to the local interpretation of mental health statutes, Grandpa might be eligible for involuntary commitment and evaluation in a psychiatric facility. He could be disarmed by the police, if necessary.

"Gun-Shy" should heed her motherly instincts, stay home and refuse to visit Grandpa until he enters treatment. Otherwise there's a high probability that she will mourn the loss of one or more dead children.

Grandpa seems to think that booze and guns make him brave. A brave person is a military medic, a member of the U.S. Coast Guard and the thousands of first responders who demonstrate their bravery by saving human lives, not threatening them. In fact, many Medal of Honor recipients earn the award not by the number of enemies killed, but lives saved. -- RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: I agree. Some readers felt I should have been tougher in my response, and that Gun-Shy and her children should not visit Grandpa at all. Failure to act on her fears is called child endangerment and could result in the children being taken away. Readers let me have it with both barrels:

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Gun-Shy" was off the mark! As a vet and former law enforcement officer, I think the whole family is in "wimp" mode. For adults to watch a drunk adult fire a gun in the air around his family and not call 911 was ignorant and dangerous. All states have laws about firing guns in the air (illegal), firing guns while drunk (illegal), unsecured loaded weapons (illegal), and firing guns around children in a home environment (illegal). That jerk should have been arrested! -- SMOKEY IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for reminding your readers that when someone shoots a gun into the air, the bullet comes down somewhere. A child near my hometown died last New Year's Eve when she stepped outside with her grandmother to watch the fireworks and a bullet fell to earth and lodged in her brain. The police believe the gun may have been fired from a few miles away. -- CHRISTINA IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: Why didn't you suggest a family intervention for the grandfather's alcoholism? The family could be helped by going to Al-Anon to learn how to detach with love from his disease. Alcoholics need to understand how their drinking affects them and others. Possible estrangement from his grandchildren might be a way to break through his denial. -- STEVE C. IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: My friend Michelle died last July Fourth. She was killed because someone fired a gun into the air. She was beautiful, talented and left behind a fiance, a mother, a sister and many friends. She was receiving her Ph.D., was a brilliant researcher for the CDC and had just picked up her wedding gown. She was the victim of a senseless act caused by someone's carelessness. -- MARSHA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: My son married a sweet girl three years ago, and I thought we would become a close family. I haven't bothered them at all. Since then, she has become cold and distant to me. My son rarely calls or comes around.

They are expecting their first child soon. I have been left out of all the excitement of the baby. She has not invited me to the baby showers or to see the nursery, etc. I know it's not all about me, but I would like to be included.

My side of the family doesn't seem to matter to her or my son. Because he doesn't stand up for me, I fear I will never get to be close to my grandchild. I don't want to upset them, but how do I handle this? -- SAD GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR SAD: Talk to your son about your feelings, and ask if there is a reason for his wife's behavior. Then ask if he wants you to be a part of his child's life, because the way things are going, it doesn't appear to be the case. That you haven't been invited to the baby showers is terrible, but nothing will change until you bring your concerns out into the open.

I'm sad to say your problem isn't unusual, and it usually happens in marriages where the husband is afraid or unwilling to talk about uncomfortable subjects and prefers to avoid confrontation.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a widower for 15 years. I had kids at home, so restarting romantic life wasn't a priority after my wife died. Ten years later, I realized I was no longer interested in women, and my love life since then has been with men. While I have never been vocal about it with family and friends, I assume they all probably know.

A couple of months ago, one of my male friends -- much younger than I and from my poker group -- came to my home to take me to lunch. I had always assumed he was gay. I made a pass and ended up seducing him. He was a great sex partner, but he changed his mind about going to lunch afterward. He has never shown up for poker since and no one has heard from him.

I feel bad, but I am not ashamed and I would never say anything that would lead anyone to know what happened. Should I contact my former friend and reassure him? He's a good man and I worry about him. -- MISSING A FRIEND IN MIAMI

DEAR MISSING: The man you seduced may not have been as comfortable with gay sex as you assumed he was. Try to contact him once, but if he wanted to see you again, he wouldn't have disappeared. My advice is to leave it at that because it appears he isn't interested in another round of poker -- or anything else -- with you.

DEAR ABBY: I have discovered that the man I have been seeing for several years has been stealing money from me. There is no question in my mind that it's him. What is the best way to confront him? It breaks my heart, but I need to give him a chance to be honest about this.

I care for him as a person but no longer trust him. I know he's going through a lot right now, but so are a lot of us. Please guide me. I don't do confrontations well. -- USED IN INDIANA

DEAR USED: If you have proof of what he has done, a way to approach it would be to discuss with him in a public place that money has disappeared -- and you would like his "help" in figuring out where it went. Depending upon his response, you may have to take specific action by involving your lawyer, your CPA or the police.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance for four years. He is 32, I'm 23. He is Catholic and I am Jewish. When I met him, I wasn't particularly religious, but since planning a trip to Israel and after studying under a rabbi, I have become more religious.

I now keep kosher and try to be as close to Orthodox as I can. I eventually want an Orthodox Jewish home and for my children to be raised Jewish. But every time I try to discuss this with him, he nods his head and says in a sarcastic tone, "Uh-huh."

I don't think he understands how serious I am about becoming Orthodox, even though I live the lifestyle now. How can I ensure that he will live and raise our children in an Orthodox Jewish way before I walk down the aisle and it is too late? -- KEEPING KOSHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR KEEPING KOSHER: Your fiance is behaving as if he thinks you are going through a phase rather than making an actual commitment to becoming Orthodox Jewish. If he had any interest in raising his children in the Jewish faith, he would have shown it by asking questions and trying to learn more about what that would entail.

I won't mince words with you: The only guarantee I can offer that your children will be raised Orthodox Jewish would be for you to marry a man who feels similarly.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. After 34 years together -- 28 of them married -- she is still the love of my life. How can I express this to her?

I have done the usual things over the years: candy, flowers, presents. I give cards, but I am not a wordsmith. I love her so much I don't know if it is even possible to express it with words or gifts, but still I try.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can convey my love to this wonderful woman who I call my wife? -- SPEECHLESS IN OHIO

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You don't have to be a wordsmith to say "I love you" when she awakens in the morning and repeat it as she goes to sleep each night. Flowers, candy and presents are demonstrations of your love, but just as meaningful can be something as simple as holding her hand when you walk together and turning up the thermostat when she's chilly -- even if you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: May I vent about something? It really irritates me when people write to you and blame a bad childhood on how they turned out. I didn't have the best childhood. I was molested by my mom's second husband, was on my own at 15, and pregnant at 16 and again at 17.

I wasn't on welfare when I had my kids -- I have worked and supported them by myself from day one. Don't get me wrong: I'm not bragging. But I had a tough time growing up. Now, at 33, I have two beautiful daughters who turned out well. I also have a good job and a fiance who loves us all.

We are who we make ourselves become. It doesn't always have to turn into a tragedy. I get so tired of hearing about people who kill, people who are strung out on drugs, and people in general who blame everything on when they were kids and how bad they had it. -- DOING JUST FINE IN TEXAS

DEAR DOING JUST FINE: You are entitled to vent; that's what I'm here for. I commend you for your determination, resilience and resourcefulness in dealing with the challenges you faced while growing up, and for passing those traits on to your daughters.