DEAR ABBY: My son married a sweet girl three years ago, and I thought we would become a close family. I haven't bothered them at all. Since then, she has become cold and distant to me. My son rarely calls or comes around.

They are expecting their first child soon. I have been left out of all the excitement of the baby. She has not invited me to the baby showers or to see the nursery, etc. I know it's not all about me, but I would like to be included.

My side of the family doesn't seem to matter to her or my son. Because he doesn't stand up for me, I fear I will never get to be close to my grandchild. I don't want to upset them, but how do I handle this? -- SAD GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR SAD: Talk to your son about your feelings, and ask if there is a reason for his wife's behavior. Then ask if he wants you to be a part of his child's life, because the way things are going, it doesn't appear to be the case. That you haven't been invited to the baby showers is terrible, but nothing will change until you bring your concerns out into the open.

I'm sad to say your problem isn't unusual, and it usually happens in marriages where the husband is afraid or unwilling to talk about uncomfortable subjects and prefers to avoid confrontation.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a widower for 15 years. I had kids at home, so restarting romantic life wasn't a priority after my wife died. Ten years later, I realized I was no longer interested in women, and my love life since then has been with men. While I have never been vocal about it with family and friends, I assume they all probably know.

A couple of months ago, one of my male friends -- much younger than I and from my poker group -- came to my home to take me to lunch. I had always assumed he was gay. I made a pass and ended up seducing him. He was a great sex partner, but he changed his mind about going to lunch afterward. He has never shown up for poker since and no one has heard from him.

I feel bad, but I am not ashamed and I would never say anything that would lead anyone to know what happened. Should I contact my former friend and reassure him? He's a good man and I worry about him. -- MISSING A FRIEND IN MIAMI

DEAR MISSING: The man you seduced may not have been as comfortable with gay sex as you assumed he was. Try to contact him once, but if he wanted to see you again, he wouldn't have disappeared. My advice is to leave it at that because it appears he isn't interested in another round of poker -- or anything else -- with you.

DEAR ABBY: I have discovered that the man I have been seeing for several years has been stealing money from me. There is no question in my mind that it's him. What is the best way to confront him? It breaks my heart, but I need to give him a chance to be honest about this.

I care for him as a person but no longer trust him. I know he's going through a lot right now, but so are a lot of us. Please guide me. I don't do confrontations well. -- USED IN INDIANA

DEAR USED: If you have proof of what he has done, a way to approach it would be to discuss with him in a public place that money has disappeared -- and you would like his "help" in figuring out where it went. Depending upon his response, you may have to take specific action by involving your lawyer, your CPA or the police.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance for four years. He is 32, I'm 23. He is Catholic and I am Jewish. When I met him, I wasn't particularly religious, but since planning a trip to Israel and after studying under a rabbi, I have become more religious.

I now keep kosher and try to be as close to Orthodox as I can. I eventually want an Orthodox Jewish home and for my children to be raised Jewish. But every time I try to discuss this with him, he nods his head and says in a sarcastic tone, "Uh-huh."

I don't think he understands how serious I am about becoming Orthodox, even though I live the lifestyle now. How can I ensure that he will live and raise our children in an Orthodox Jewish way before I walk down the aisle and it is too late? -- KEEPING KOSHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR KEEPING KOSHER: Your fiance is behaving as if he thinks you are going through a phase rather than making an actual commitment to becoming Orthodox Jewish. If he had any interest in raising his children in the Jewish faith, he would have shown it by asking questions and trying to learn more about what that would entail.

I won't mince words with you: The only guarantee I can offer that your children will be raised Orthodox Jewish would be for you to marry a man who feels similarly.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. After 34 years together -- 28 of them married -- she is still the love of my life. How can I express this to her?

I have done the usual things over the years: candy, flowers, presents. I give cards, but I am not a wordsmith. I love her so much I don't know if it is even possible to express it with words or gifts, but still I try.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can convey my love to this wonderful woman who I call my wife? -- SPEECHLESS IN OHIO

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You don't have to be a wordsmith to say "I love you" when she awakens in the morning and repeat it as she goes to sleep each night. Flowers, candy and presents are demonstrations of your love, but just as meaningful can be something as simple as holding her hand when you walk together and turning up the thermostat when she's chilly -- even if you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: May I vent about something? It really irritates me when people write to you and blame a bad childhood on how they turned out. I didn't have the best childhood. I was molested by my mom's second husband, was on my own at 15, and pregnant at 16 and again at 17.

I wasn't on welfare when I had my kids -- I have worked and supported them by myself from day one. Don't get me wrong: I'm not bragging. But I had a tough time growing up. Now, at 33, I have two beautiful daughters who turned out well. I also have a good job and a fiance who loves us all.

We are who we make ourselves become. It doesn't always have to turn into a tragedy. I get so tired of hearing about people who kill, people who are strung out on drugs, and people in general who blame everything on when they were kids and how bad they had it. -- DOING JUST FINE IN TEXAS

DEAR DOING JUST FINE: You are entitled to vent; that's what I'm here for. I commend you for your determination, resilience and resourcefulness in dealing with the challenges you faced while growing up, and for passing those traits on to your daughters.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have five kids, all under 6 years of age. The youngest are 7-month-old twins. A family in our church has offered to watch them so my husband and I can go out on a date. We haven't been alone together in a year. We have no family or friends nearby to offer respite.

I would like to accept their kind offer, but two things are holding me back. First, I don't think they realize the enormity of the task, and it feels like we might be imposing.

Second, I don't have anything to say to my husband. A date would be awkward and most likely consist of "relations." I like my husband, but I'd rather be left alone. What would you do? -- FRAZZLED MOM WITH NO SUPPORT

DEAR FRAZZLED: Before placing your small children in the care of others, invite the family over to see exactly how much work would be involved in watching them. Then discuss with your husband what date night will entail and see if you can agree on what would be a fun night out.

You definitely need a break, and some alone time should be something to look forward to. That it isn't is of concern to me. It's possible you could benefit from marriage counseling to help re-establish a line of verbal communication. And equally important, because you suspect the evening "might" result in relations, make sure you have birth control to prevent an accidental pregnancy.

DEAR ABBY: In this season of graduations and weddings, I would like to urge the honorees to send proper thank-you notes to friends and family who give them gifts and money. Time, money and preparation are put into these events, and the effect is spoiled when guests have to contact stores or scrutinize their bank statements to learn if their gifts were, indeed, received but simply not acknowledged.

Thank-yous aren't difficult. Some "rules": Rather than text or email, write a note on paper and mail it with a stamp via the U.S. mail. If you do, you will be forever known as "that polite young couple" or "the young man/woman who sent the nice note."

Three lines are all that are needed: "Thank you for the ----. I look forward to using/enjoying it when we entertain/grill/vacation/walk the dog, etc. Again, I appreciate your thoughtfulness." That's it!

If showing good manners isn't incentive enough, remember this: These are the people you will be inviting to weddings, baby showers, and your own children's graduations and weddings in the not-so-distant future. A little courtesy goes a long way. -- APPRECIATIVE IN HITCHCOCK, TEXAS

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: While letter-writing may always seem like a chore to some people, there are occasions when a written message is the proper means of communication. Acknowledging the generosity of others is one of those times. Failure to do so indicates that the person's gesture was of so little importance that it was not noticed by the recipient. And frankly, it also indicates a distinct lack of manners.

DEAR ABBY: How do you politely tell friends and relatives who are guests in your home that your computer and TV are off-limits? Once they take control of the remote or the computer, they seem to go crazy and change all the settings to their preferences and never put the settings back when they leave! What can I do, Abby? -- FRUSTRATED IN LEWIS RUN, PA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: "Remind" any guest who uses your electronic equipment that it must be returned to your original settings before the person leaves your house. If you have already done that and it hasn't worked, then you must find the courage to say, "I'm not letting anyone use my computer or remote control because I have a hard time getting the settings back to where I put them after you leave."