DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, "Ned," for almost two years. I'm 19 and we have lived together since we started dating. I love Ned, but I feel like we moved too fast into our relationship and now he's trying to keep it moving as quickly as possible. I'm afraid he's going to propose soon.

He brings the subject up a lot, and I never have much to say because I'm afraid of hurting his feelings. What should I say if he pops the question? I'm not ready for that kind of commitment, but I don't want him to be angry with me if I say no. -- TORN IN OHIO

DEAR TORN: Honesty is the best policy. Not wanting to upset someone would be a very poor reason for getting married. If Ned pops the question, it is perfectly all right to tell him exactly what you have shared with me -- that you are not ready for that kind of commitment because you are only 19. It's the truth.

If Ned becomes angry, do not allow him to stampede you into saying yes. That kind of reaction could be a warning sign of someone who is a potential abuser.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and haven't had a girlfriend yet, but I'm curious about something. When I do have one, will it mean I can't love other girls?

Lots of girls tell me I'm nice, friendly and helpful. I love them. When I have a girlfriend or get married, I won't be able to stop loving others. Is this wrong, Abby? -- CARLOS IN DONNA, TEXAS

DEAR CARLOS: There are varying degrees of love. There is nothing wrong with loving women, as long as you don't love them all at the same time. If you do, it may upset your girlfriend or wife.

When you are ready for a permanent relationship, the feelings you will have for the woman you're involved with will be stronger than those you are feeling now. However, if that doesn't happen, consider it an indication that you either aren't ready to settle down or you were meant to be a bachelor.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Hates the Crunching in New Mexico" (April 21), the wife who was annoyed about her husband's chewing ice during breakfast and dinner. There is a possibility that he many have pagophagia (craving and chewing ice), which is often associated with iron deficiency anemia. It could also indicate other nutritional problems that can be manifested by various "picas" (craving substances that have no nutritional value, such as dirt).

"Hates the Crunching" should encourage her husband to schedule an appointment with his physician ASAP for a simple blood test, which can show whether or not he has anemia. -- HOLLY PHELPS, BELLFLOWER, CALIF.

DEAR HOLLY: Thank you for your letter. Some readers felt the ice crunching was just a bad habit, but the majority echoed your concern that the crunching could be a sign of anemia. I hope your letter will encourage "Hates the Crunching's" husband to contact his doctor and ask to be evaluated.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, who is graduating from college, received a gift card from her aunt. The gift card is for the shop that the aunt owns. I think this was tacky. Am I wrong? -- PROUD MAMA IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PROUD MAMA: If your daughter likes the merchandise her aunt carries, I see nothing tacky about it. However, for you to criticize the gift is ungracious. And tacky.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Vernon" for six months. We were great together from the day we met. It was like we'd known each other forever and could talk for hours. We talked every night and it was amazing.

Two weeks ago, I was raped by a man I thought was a friend. When I told Vernon, he was shocked and didn't know how to handle it. I was hoping we could get past it, but two nights ago he said he can no longer be intimate with me because he feels like he is doing something wrong, or I won't like it. He said he loves talking to me and still wants to be friends.

We have continued talking every night, but it is hard for me to do as just his friend. Do you think he will be able to get over these feelings and be with me again? Should I remain friends when I have feelings for him? -- WANTS MORE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WANTS MORE: If you haven't already reported the rape to the police, do it now. The man who did this to you needs to be taken out of circulation so he won't harm another woman.

You should be receiving counseling to help you get over what was done to you, and frankly, so should Vernon. Unless he can stop treating you as though you are "untouchable," you should not continue the "friendship," because what he is doing is distancing himself when you need his support the most.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago I became engaged to a very special man. We have decided to be married during a weeklong cruise we have taken the past two years. We knew some family members might not be able to attend for financial reasons, so we chose to invite only two close friends as witnesses and not have our families there.

My family is OK with our decision, but his family is not pleased. They have been calling him constantly and telling him to change our plans and accommodate them, and frankly, we are sick of it. We know why they're upset, but at the same time this is our day and they should respect our decision.

How can we get them to be more understanding and less disrespectful about how we want our wedding? Please help, because we don't know what else to say to them. -- SOON TO BE NEWLYWEDS

DEAR SOON TO BE NEWLYWEDS: It appears your fiance's family considers weddings to be more about the joining of families and less about the wishes of the individuals involved. They expected to be included, and are hurt because they weren't.

A way to explain your decision would be to make it less about yourselves and more about the fact that you knew some family members could not afford to make this trip, so you plan to have a reception when you return and include everybody.

DEAR ABBY: Next month my husband and I are leaving our 18-year-old son home alone overnight for the first time. We have good neighbors who will keep an eye on things. Although we trust our son, I feel we should let his 16-year-old girlfriend's parents know he will have the house to himself for the night.

I have never met them and don't want to alarm them by calling out of the blue. Do you think I should call them? -- WHAT SHOULD I DO?

DEAR WHAT: Yes. Call, introduce yourself, and suggest that because your teenagers are involved that you meet in person "sometime soon." And while you're making conversation, casually mention that you will be leaving town and your son will be alone overnight for the first time. If you had a 16-year-old daughter, wouldn't you want to know?

DEAR ABBY: It is easy to watch or read the news and think people are awful and this world is going nowhere fast. At New Year's I made a resolution to try and do something about how I view society. I decided I'd do 30 random acts of service for strangers.

I know it may seem small and insignificant, but at least I can say I'm trying to make this a better place to live. I'm hoping it will spread a message of love and caring in a world with too much hurt and violence. Ideally, one or two people will notice and pay it forward.

It's spring, and so far I have volunteered as a math tutor at a local school and shoveled the snow off a neighbor's sidewalk. But I'm already falling behind, and I'm struggling to come up with some good ideas. I know you and your readers often have creative suggestions. Can you suggest more acts of service I can do for strangers? -- TRYING TO BE NICE

DEAR TRYING TO BE NICE: You could volunteer at a local food pantry. Or find an organization that delivers food to shut-ins and take meals to the clients they serve a couple of days a month.

You could bring a garbage bag with you when you take walks in the morning or evening and pick up paper cups, plastic bags, cigarette butts and candy wrappers that litter our streets and beaches. Or simply acknowledge the presence of others by smiling and saying, "good morning," "good afternoon" and "good evening" to people you encounter.

Readers, if you'd like to chime in, I'd be interested in your ideas.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, when I was a senior in high school, a guy became overly attached to me. He shared many very private feelings with me about his lack of friends and severe depression. After trying to help him, first by myself and later with a school guidance counselor and even involving his parents, I decided his problems were too much for me to handle and ended the friendship. I know I hurt him, but I saw no other alternative. After high school we didn't speak for about a year.

We are now in the same college and he's trying to force himself back into my life and be friends again. Abby, he hasn't changed at all. I feel bad, but I have no interest in becoming his friend.

What should I do? I have a hard time saying no because he is so persistent and I feel guilty. -- FEELING PITY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FEELING PITY: Tell him the truth. Say, "I can't be your friend because your problems overwhelm me. But you can do something about them by going to the student health center and asking for counseling, and by joining some clubs and activities so you can interact with new people."

DEAR ABBY: Why are brownies called brownies if they are black? -- JUST WONDERING IN HOUSTON

DEAR JUST WONDERING: I took your question to Lachlan Sands, executive chef at Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts, Los Angeles, who says, "The first mention of 'brownies' is in a Fanny Farmer cookbook published in 1906. They are not called brownies because of the color, but were named after Celtic pixies."

P.S. If your brownies are turning out black, you may be baking them too long.