DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Solitary Woman in Ottawa, Canada" (March 5), the expectant mom who asked how she could raise her child to enjoy "periods of quiet, reflective fun by himself."

I have two children, ages 7 and 1. Like "Solitary," I also enjoy time to myself, whether reading, writing or going for a hike.

When my son was born, I felt it was important to give him confidence and the ability to be self-sufficient. Therefore, we have him help us with chores like grocery shopping and encourage him to make healthy, responsible choices. When he was 2 and stopped taking naps, we told him he had to have "quiet time" and that reading to himself was one of the options.

As a result, our son is self-motivated, an avid reader and writer, and has an intellectual curiosity most adults don't have. He is teaching himself cursive writing and is interested in learning a foreign language.

We live in the Colorado Rockies, and getting rid of our TV set was one of the best things our family has ever done. Instead of tuning each other out, we enjoy conversation, creating and sharing our days together. I have never been happier as a father or husband.

I am concerned for people who are afraid of silence. I suspect it's a sign of sensory bombardment. The human mind needs moments of clarity brought on by reflection. -- DAD WHO GETS IT

DEAR DAD: Thank you for your letter. I received many thoughtful comments from people who identify strongly with "Solitary's" point of view:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Solitary Woman" was good, but did not start soon enough. She should provide stimulating crib and playpen toys to teach her son at an early age that he can control some aspects of his environment. Having this ability is the key to enjoying solitude.

When my daughter was 7 weeks old, I attached a mobile fashioned from a white wire coat hanger and rainbow-hued origami cranes to her bassinet. I wiggled it and watched her smile at the moving colored birds. When the movement stopped, she became frustrated and began to whimper and kick and flail her arms. The paper birds moved again. She lay still and watched them. When they stopped the second time, she didn't whimper but just moved herself in the bassinet. She had learned she could control her environment.

As a toddler she could leave her playmates and pursue solitary activities in the quiet of her own room. I am convinced that her bassinet experience was the basis for learning to be happy by herself and with herself. -- SMART MAMA IN EL CAJON, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: According to a journalist and mother who published a book on the topic, when an infant cries, wait a few minutes and listen before reaching out. This gives the baby time to learn how he feels with himself, and to deal with it emotionally. After five minutes or so, if the baby has a real need, then you can reach for him. Doing it too quickly prevents this crucial process of learning to be with oneself. -- ANOTHER SOLITARY CANADIAN

DEAR ABBY: As a teacher (now retired), I was always interested in personality types and how they affect learning and interaction with others. One way of dividing personality types is into introverts and extroverts. Introverts get their energy from quiet time alone; extroverts get energy from being with other people and sensory activities.

This is an inborn trait that cannot really be taught, and there are varying degrees of the introvert/extrovert characteristic along a continuum. Wise parents will learn their child's personality traits and tailor their parenting to help him/her have the best learning situations possible. -- MARY IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I took care of my grandmother until her death a few years ago, and now my mother is very sick. I feel angry because I'm only 23, and it seems all I have ever done is take care of sick people. I sit at the hospital sometimes just fuming.

Mom was a smoker and now she has cancer. I keep thinking if she hadn't smoked, she wouldn't be in this fix, and neither would I. I always visit her and try to do everything she asks of me, and yet I think I'm starting to hate her. I dread going to the hospital, sitting there and waiting for test results, etc. What kind of daughter has feelings like this? -- WORST DAUGHTER ON EARTH

DEAR DAUGHTER: Please stop beating yourself up. Your feelings are normal. You have a right to be angry that your mother is sick. At 23, you have had an unusual amount of responsibility thrust upon you for someone your age. That her disease has taken over your life is also a reason to be angry.

However, please stop blaming her for her illness. Right now, you need each other. And nonsmokers get cancer, too. The American Cancer Society has support groups where family members can safely share their feelings. Please check them out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 43 and went back to school the nontraditional way. I will graduate soon with my master of human services degree. I will be the first person in my immediate family to have a degree.

My best friend thinks I'm foolish because I posed for graduation photos and ordered a class ring. She said I am too old to be having graduation pictures and a ring. I was thrilled to have them, but now I'm wondering if I really am being foolish. Am I trying to recapture the "would have/could have/should have" years? -- ED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ED: Shame on your friend for raining on your parade. With a best friend like this, you should never forget to bring an umbrella.

You're celebrating the fact that as a nontraditional student you have earned your master's degree. That's a laudable accomplishment and deserves to be celebrated in any way you would like. Please accept my sincere congratulations, graduate!

DEAR ABBY: I love to read. I have kept every book I have read, so I probably have close to 600 books in my library, which is actually a small room, overflowing with books and nothing else.

Why do you think I can't let go of them? I lend them out to only a select few, and I always make sure they are returned. I could do lovely things with this room if my books weren't in the way, but I can't seem to part with them. -- BOOKWORM IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOOKWORM: It's probably because your books have become an extension of yourself. Because you would like to do something else with the space they occupy, sort through them and keep only the most precious ones. If there are titles you would like to read again one day, do as many others are doing -- read them on an e-reader.

DEAR ABBY: We moved my elderly parents into an adult assisted-living center last year because they were no longer able to safely care for themselves or their home. They have now decided to put their house up for sale. Our problem is that sometimes when we have driven by the house to check that everything's OK, we have found some of the neighbors enjoying the afternoon sitting on my parents' front porch.

The house has been shown three times, and one of the times another neighbor was in the backyard sitting on the deck. Another time, a neighbor walked into the house during a private showing. We have been as polite as possible in requesting them to please not do this. We finally told them plainly to stay off the property. But it continues.

We would hate to post "No Trespassing" signs for fear that a prospective buyer may think there are problems with the neighborhood, and I don't think a sign would deter these perpetrators. Any ideas on how to get them to stay in their own homes? My sisters and I are starting to think the neighbors don't want the house to sell so they can enjoy it themselves. -- FED UP IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FED UP: Because of the long relationship your parents may have had with these neighbors, ask them once more, firmly and politely, to stop using the property as an extension of theirs. If the request is ignored, it will be time to involve your lawyer, who will have to write these nervy people a strong letter on your behalf. Not only is what they are doing illegal, but if an accident should happen while they are on your property, your family would be liable.

DEAR ABBY: Living in New York City, public transport is the way to travel. After picking up my 5-year-old from school, we took the train home as usual. During the ride, my son fell asleep and his head happened to rest on the arm of another passenger -- a middle-aged man who was sitting next to us.

As my son's head rested on the man's arm, he reacted by pushing my son's head up violently, waking him from his sleep. Disgusted by the man's reaction, I lost my cool and yelled at him, almost forgetting my screaming 5-year-old. Other passengers expressed their feelings, too, and the man left the train earlier than he wanted.

After my boy calmed down, I had time to reflect and concluded I didn't handle the situation correctly. The other passengers suggested I hadn't been assertive enough. What should I have done? -- COMMUTER MOMMY IN BROOKLYN

DEAR COMMUTER MOMMY: Your seat partner clearly overreacted to having his space invaded. But by screaming at him, you escalated the situation. So your little boy wasn't caught in the crossfire, it would have been better to have moved your seats. If that wasn't possible, you should have switched seats with your son so he wouldn't be near that volatile individual.

DEAR ABBY: If a doctor is present at a party and another guest takes ill, would it be appropriate to ask the doctor to treat the person? -- CURIOUS IN DAYTON

DEAR CURIOUS: If the problem is not life-threatening, it would be advisable that the guest contact his or her own doctor, who is already familiar with the person's medical history. However, in an acute emergency such as a stroke or a heart attack, help should be summoned by calling 911 immediately.