DEAR READERS: To all of you who are observing Memorial Day with me, please join in reflecting for a moment on those members of our armed forces who have sacrificed their lives in service to our country. Bless their spirits, and may they live forever in our hearts.

DEAR ABBY: My wife revealed on my 60th birthday two days ago that she has $10,000 in cash hidden in our house. She said she secretly took the money from my pay and consulting checks and hid it when we were going through a bad period in our marriage 10 years ago and nearly divorced.

I told her there is no rational reason for keeping that much money in the house. She says she's keeping it for an emergency, and it makes her feel secure. When I said we should invest the money, she got upset.

I can't understand why anyone would want to keep that much cash in the house. What's your view? -- LIVING IN "FORT KNOX"

DEAR LIVING: To understand your wife's motivation, look back 10 years to the time when she may have felt she'd need the money to get a new start. That's the "emergency" the money was salted away for.

I agree that $10,000 is a lot of cash to keep in the house. Most of it should be in the bank, with only a portion in the house so it will be immediately available if needed. Unless your wife feels your marriage is still shaky, I can't see why she wouldn't compromise. Could that be her reason?

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl with a good life. There are bumps in the road, but they happen and I accept that. The thing I worry about is my me-maw. She's getting very old and thinks she will be dying soon.

I try to tell her not to think that way. I really love her and don't know what I would do if she were gone so soon. I go to her house every summer, winter, and anytime we're out of school.

I need to get a job this summer, and I don't know how to tell my me-maw I won't be coming to visit without hurting her feelings. She is one of those people who don't show their emotions like most of my family, so I know when she sometimes says it's OK it really isn't. Please tell me what to say to her. -- CONCERNED GRANDCHILD IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDCHILD: You are sweet, thoughtful and sensitive, but you are also growing up. Your grandmother may be talking the way she is because of her age -- or she may be concerned about her health and trying to prepare you.

It's time to ask your parents what is going on with her. If she's really sick, you may want to postpone getting that job until next summer. If she's not, you should explain to Me-maw that you love her and treasure the special times you have been able to spend with her -- but as much as you'd like to, you will not be able to do it this summer because you need to get a job. It's part of becoming an adult and will help you to learn responsibility and independence. As a loving grandparent, she knows how important that is for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a hairdresser, and one of my clients who considers herself to be my good friend handed me a birthday card. Stuck on the envelope was a sticky note with my name written on it, covering whatever name was underneath. On the card, under "Happy Birthday" was her signature -- again on a sticky note. She said she thought the card was funny and too good not to use again, so I should pass it on, too.

I am hurt and insulted. Am I taking this too seriously? I want my own birthday card! -- SHOCKED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SHOCKED: Your client was trying to be thoughtful, or she wouldn't have remembered it was your birthday. Be grateful for what you got. She didn't mean to insult you -- in a weird way she was trying to do you a favor.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, my husband and I became foster parents to a little girl who had been seriously abused. After we had cared for her only seven months, she was returned to her parents. Shortly after that, the mom signed guardianship over to the grandmother and now the grandmother is considering putting the child back into the system. This is a girl with "difficult" issues.

Although I deeply loved her, the time she was with us was very challenging and hard. Do I sign up for a life filled with uncertainty and give this child a shot at stability? Or do I pray that she will find the perfect home to meet all her needs? -- UNCERTAIN ABOUT THE FUTURE

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Only you decide about whether you are up to the challenge of trying to fix this damaged girl. There are no guarantees, and it is no disgrace to admit this is more than you feel you can manage.

However, if you feel that you and your husband can make a difference, it is important that you know you won't be alone in trying to handle her emotional issues. In this country, support systems for children are better than they are for adults. Your county mental health department can guide you, and if there are medical schools nearby, they may sponsor programs to train young psychiatrists who can also help you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 18 years. Our marriage has had its ups and downs. Last year we separated for eight months. We decided to stay married and are now again living together.

I found out not long ago that he slept with my daughter's best friend. I am horrified that he'd do such a thing, because as a teenager she would hang out at our home. I feel that what he did should have never happened.

Although I would like to think our marriage can be repaired, I still have my doubts. Should I feel this way or let the past stay in the past? -- LOOKING FOR ANSWERS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: Not every woman would forgive an affair that seems this uncomfortably "incestuous." A counselor may be able to help you sort out your feelings, and joint marriage counseling should definitely be considered before you make up your mind.

DEAR ABBY: What is a man's ethical responsibility when he hears of a crime in group therapy?

While attending a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, I heard a man confess that he had dropped a cinder block on a boy's head when he was 12. The man was never arrested for the crime. I can't stop thinking about the boy who was his victim. Should I tell the police? -- SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SOMEWHERE: It is the group leader's responsibility to contact the authorities if a group member is a danger to himself or others. If this happened when the man was 12, what would it accomplish to report it at this point? Because this has been preying on your mind, you should talk with the group leader about the matter.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old nursing student in college. I'm a "people person" and everyone says I'm easy to talk to. According to my friends, I am pretty, smart, funny, etc., but I have never had a boyfriend.

I was extremely sick throughout high school and during my early college years, and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. I missed not only a lot of schooling, but also learning some of the basic social skills most people my age have mastered when it comes to dating. It has been only during the last couple of years that I have been healthy enough to even consider dating, and now I have no clue what to do.

I am naturally friendly and sometimes guys I'm not interested in think I'm flirting with them. However, when I try to flirt with a guy, it never works. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and my friends all gave me different advice. Do you have any tips for me, Dear Abby, on how to let a guy know I'm interested? -- LOSING THE DATING GAME IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOSING: Yes. Be your outgoing, friendly self with everyone. Don't be afraid to smile and make eye contact. That's the way you let others know you're interested. The problem with "trying" to flirt is that it can come across as awkward and aggressive, which can either bring you the wrong kind of attention or scare a man off.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 38 years. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs or chase women. He's a good guy. But ...

Twenty years ago we stopped giving each other gifts on all occasions because he didn't like shopping for me. I let him off the hook and said I didn't really mind. However, on his birthday I take him to his favorite seafood restaurant and bake him his favorite cake. My birthday gets forgotten.

There is a special dessert that I love that is found only at a bakery across town. I have told him for the past 10 years how much I'd love that dessert for my birthday. He has never once bought it for me. I feel it's like he's telling me I'm not worth the time or money. For such a small thing, it hurts my feelings a lot. Am I being silly? -- SLIGHTED IN INDIANA

DEAR SLIGHTED: You're not being silly. You were being silly when you told your husband 20 years ago that you didn't mind if he ignored your birthday and other special occasions, because it wasn't true (or perhaps the effect on you has been cumulative). So, open your mouth and tell your husband -- in plenty of time for your next birthday -- exactly what you want from him. If you don't, you'll get the same thing you have been getting, which is nothing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and in junior high school. When we all came back after a break we were greeted with the news that one of the students in our class had died. We were only told that the death was "ruled an accident," but nothing else. Is it wrong or disrespectful to speculate what happened to our classmate? -- CURIOUS IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR CURIOUS: Speculating is neither wrong nor disrespectful. When people are given no information, it is normal for them to wonder. After the death of your classmate, I'm surprised grief counseling wasn't offered to help you and your fellow students deal with the loss, because that is what should have happened.